Why some parties, just plain suck.

Its late and I have work tomorrow, so I'll be limiting this post a bit. Also for anyone who reads this blog, to what extent should I censor the blog? I'm not one who loves throwing profanities in here anyways so thats not an issue. But, there are a lot of personal things that I post here and could be very important to the person whom it may be about. For example, if I did something with someone should I omit it all together or just some parts? Yes, I understand that it is MY personal blog, but I don't want to slander anyone's image, even if I loathe them. If someone could talk to me about this that would be much appreciated.

Time to take a trip back to my graduation. The ceremony was by far the happiest moment of my school years, walking onto the stage was basically a dream come true. It felt like I was accepting a Grammy or other such award. That was the basic highlight of my graduation. I didn't attend the Graduation Banquet and Prom, I didn't have the funds. I don't know if I wanted to go, you'd think getting a date would be easy but hell, every single girl who would go with me had someone else or were just friends. You know who I wanted to go with? Alex. But I couldn't, so I didn't go at all.

So where else to go to, but hit the parties. Justine's after-grad at the Wild West nightclub was out of the question. While cheaper than the Banquet, it wasn't much. So the Central Memorial grad party of choice was the one held by friend Kultar. You know when you have the feeling in the pit of your stomach that you shouldn't go because something bad will happen? I feel that all the time, so I just ignored it and went anyways. Also because Anna was tearing off my arm for me to go. So we arrived, fashionably late; well of course I arrived fashionably late, I don't know what the hell Anna was doing. Events of the party were pretty mellow, the guests were a tight knit of the host's friends. I wasn't very much friends with them, I never got over the loss of the old band of friends.

There was drinking, guitar hero, and drinking games. The equation for a house party, of course the guests didn't exactly make it scream 'jumping' but it was pretty fun for a small gathering. The guests to note however, were Erin (whom you should know from previous posts) and her new boyfriend. Say what? You say you hear jealousy? Far from it. No ex-girlfriend has ever dated one of my other friends. Now what I feared from the beginning had happened, she would talk about me and surprise surprise, new guy takes it badly and says "No Way". Then what happens but the cold shoulder. Oh, its a story thats been retold so many times. It always seems to happen with my friends too. Some minx comes in thinks I'm a bad guy and steals my friends away. I'm never too worried though, you know why? Because, as I always say; "The best of friends will always come back to be your friend as if nothing happened". I'm just wondering if she's a real friend.

What really bothered me at the party wasn't them making out, wasn't them sleeping together.. It was what my 'friends' told me. That she dumped me because I was some dubious player, and that she's better off now. I wanted to set the record straight but no one would believe me. I'm no bad guy, I just went through a phase where I was high on myself and felt like having 5 girlfriends at once would be the ultimate challenge. Oh and the secret reason why I even bothered to break up with all of them? I actually do know the reason, of course I do; I may say that it was because it wasn't working out but I had reasons. I'm furious that no one will listen, and that everyone thinks I'm a bad guy. So for all five of those girls, I'll set the record straight here in print.

There were five girls in question. Anna, Brittany, Corill, Erin, and Kaitlyn. A pre-word if I may; I don't care if any of these girls find out the real reason I broke up with them, in fact I want them to know. I'm not a bad guy. As my bestest best friend can tell you, I'm no hound, I'm more like a sheep. I also had sound reasons to date them in the first place. Also, remember that I do plan to do a "Friend's Corner" biography section, so you'll learn more about all five eventually if you don't already know them. So without further stops, here goes.

Anna. Her and I have been close since Grade 11, and after I snatched her from her previous boyfriend I began to get to furiously high on my player-ness. So we had an on-and-off relationship since then, more than anything we just decided (or at least I did) that dating was just not in the stars for us.

Brittany. We weren't compatible, we didn't have anything in common and never talked about anything interesting at all. After she basically cheated on me, that was the easiest escape. After a certain event over the last spring break, I don't think we'll be talking ever again. I can't give details unless a majority of readers (like one lol) tells me to, but it was something that was not my fault (for the most part). I dated her because, well she actually wanted to date me (thats a first).

Corill. She was a fun person to be around, but much to quiet and much to dark for my taste. Also our relationship was public through the school thanks to her web of friends; so it became stressful for me and I basically broke it off to maintain my image. I dated her in the first place because she liked me, and I went after her because she had a super sweet body; of course I give no details unless someone wants to hear.

Erin. Hard to say why I even broke up with her. I honestly think I felt like I didn't deserve her. I didn't expect her to say yes when I playfully confessed my attraction to her and asked her out. All of a sudden, I was caught in a mess where I didn't want to hurt this girl whom I liked from the very beginning. I began to push her away in every single way possible. I pressured her to change, and if she did I pressured her to change back. I did so many things, that I just ended up hurting her anyways. I can't begin to explain to you why I liked her, so thats why my first "Friend's Corner" Biography will be about her.

Kaitlyn. This is simple. She was too "Perfect" (As Erin pointed out). The reason why she was so "Perfect" was because she was like me, and like charges repel. Yeah sure its cool that we're like baby soulmates and everything and we read eachother's minds; but that sure as hell doesn't lead to a healthy relationship. She was in so many ways like me, the attitude, the bitchiness, in fact the only thing that was different is that she has a lingerie model's body and sculpted face and I'm like Hunchback.

Get it? I'm not (really) a bad guy!

If only I could get my fucking message out to those that need to hear it. But hell, I'm a guy and we don't talk about this shit often; especially with our pride. I know one of my best friends reads this blog, and I'm sure as hell not going to bring it up and start talking about my love life. Sure I always say how awesome it would be to talk to someone about all this, but in reality I don't have the guts to talk about my feelings. Because its not 'manly', I know I'm sure as hell not 'manly' but I don't want to be labelled for it, so I might as well keep my pride.

Last important piece of information about the party; the reason why Erin's boyfriend doesn't seem to like me is... I can only say its because he sees the connection I (attempt to) make when talking with Erin. Oh and here's the icing. The guys name? Ryan. I know like 40 of them and 39 of them are dirt with relationships; and one of them reads this blog, hes basically my disciple and breathes awesome; so if anyone disses him I'd probably smash his brains out like that one guy who tried.

Oh. But that Ryan's kind of a moron too. ;P

School, Girls, and Life

Hey all you good lookin' fellas! Its time for me to spill the details on my gaudy life. Writing about my life is exactly like writing my diplomas, very difficult to start, easy to ramble, and probably only a couple of people will read it.

As you can all clearly see, I have in no way lost touch with my overly humorous self. While on the topic of school, I might as well tell all that has happened. I may not be a hundred percent sure but the last time I spoke about school, I was freaking out for weeks; and I continued to freak out well until the last 2 weeks of school. It was at this point in time that I concluded that I needed to do some work. So after busting my hump I managed to complete all of my English work, and all of my ComTech work. Amazing huh?

So the next hump arrived. Diploma Exams. The brutal government-issued exams that test you on all the things you have learned in your cumulative years of grade schooling, and even cynically testing you about things you may of never learned. The exam procedure is military at best, you file in and get ID checked, checked for electronics, anything you could possibly use to get an edge on the exam. To me, it was only reasonable; they are after all paranoid. So paranoid that they force you to remove the labels from plastic water-bottles for fear of cheating. This is the cognitive abilities of our top administrators? Not only is it basically stupid to believe that I could cheat on my personal response essay with a water-bottle but they should be wasting their time on better things, such as checking for eyelid tattoos.

For the actual exams? If you recall, I had 4 subjects to complete. 2 were rewrites; math and social studies. The other 2 were English and Physics. The essays came first; English was breezy, I love Hamlet and showed no hesitation to prove my knowledge. The Social Essay was in my opinion easier than the one I did last semester. Then came the behemoth, the course I didn't study or even finished for that matter; Math. Out of my logical reasoning and my extreme luck that the majority of questions were from the units I did study; I did rather well. Then the multiple choice, which were fantastically boring and simple. All in all, I don't think I did better than our passionate valedictorian but I sure held my own (enough to pass anyways).

The missing link? Physics, the final course. I've been neglecting this course because of my immense workload, and its time to return to it. With the Diploma quickly approaching, it remains the only course left which will provide me the keys to my future. The pressure.. I'm fearful. I'll be composing the e-mail which will be sent to my teacher tomorrow. Hopefully, I pass.

Its hard to believe that 12 years of grade school has passed. Hard to think that from now on, I'll be out in the open world. Don't get me wrong, I loathed school; I'll never miss the homework, bullies, and hurt. The world is just so open, and while it is scary I'm ready to jump right in. I'm already living on my own, no one but me and my own mind. For once in my life, I feel so free.

I'm living in a gorgeous apartment sized basement, fully developed in a modern hardwood finish. My parents pay whatever little rent there is considering the place is owned by my brother. I get survival money from my parents every 2 weeks. More than enough for 4 people under my living style. I don't live on my own, but that's by choice. I'm tired of going to the mall everyday and to be honest, home is starting to be more fun. Having a roommate alleviates the feeling of loneliness. My roommates are of course, the one who has been living with me since February, Anna; and the one who has been putting up with me since cradle-times, Kaitlyn.

Oh what? I have two roommates? It must of slipped my mind for everyone I told. Some of you I told about one, sometimes the others. Some I haven't even told, that's probably because you never ask. Of course, here on the internet I actually feel free to talk about things for once so I don't give a damn who reads this =). Yes, there is a lot of drama associated with living with two girls who just want to bite each other's heads off. But I sure f*ng love it.

Oh sure its not all sugar and rainbows with all the hormones and the periodical blood fountains I have to clean up. I mean, I have to do I lot of work to maintain this lifestyle. I've got to make sure I set strict guidelines for who gets to use the kitchen and who gets to clean the bathroom. *Insert pointless amounts of sexist comments*

Humor.

But yeah, it isn't always going to be like this. Anna is only staying until she is completely done High School. Which is soon. In the meanwhile, I'm enjoying the attention.

Yes, I've just realized I went on a massive tirade, and I plan to make up for it by getting serious with this paragraph. Now, I've completely gone off my medicine. I say I'm perfectly fine, but sometimes I begin to doubt it. The main thing those meds always did was suppress my depressing thoughts. Now they're coming back, of course they're all about Alex. I saw her today while I was at work, I froze. We have a ten-second greet policy, I got about half the "hello" out before I froze up and got the hell out of there. Christina (my Manager) was surprisingly helpful, her and Hannah who consistently asked me if I had a girlfriend or an interest finally understood. Understood something I didn't that is. One thing I never probably mentioned is that Alex is leaving to go to Queens University in Ontario. I can already foresee her being my number one regret. That I could never fix things with her, that I failed in even being her friend. I've got to move on, but honestly I can never do that because... all I have is this blog to talk to. Anna and Kaitlyn both get extremely irritated by the mention of Alex, and well things are awkward with Erin and I; so I really have no one I can talk to, no one that wants to talk to me. Out of all the best friends I have, none of them are really my best friends.

That's where I'm ending this blog post today. I'll be sure to return tomorrow, to write another giant post. As there is so much I still need to cover. Next time.. it'll focus on significant events of the past 2 months. Mainly the After-Grad.

What the hell is going on?

Want a summary of the past 2 months? Easy.

1. Freaking out about school. Luckily I think I passed.

2. Went through another period of obsessively crying over Alex. I swear I almost went insane.

3. I have a job now, I sell fancy shoes.

The most recent news? Ah well. Lets see, one of my best friends Erin appears to be ignoring me. For whatever blasted reason I can't even conceive. Tomorrow I will be analyzing that throughly though.

Right now, I feel much more like sleeping. But I thought I'd give this blog another chance.

Here is what you can expect the next post (or posts!) to be about. A fair warning: They will be LONG AS F**K.

-School, Alex, Anna, and Life

-Chris the Shoe Salesman?

-Graduation, and the now seemingly important after party

-What the future may hold for me.

Also, I plan to introduce this new radical idea I just seriously thought of 5 seconds ago. Its called "Friend's Corner", and what do you know its going to be about all the friends I think are just rad.

Call it a mini-blog? Maybe.

Interview? Maybe.

Awesome? Definetely.