Sunday, May 15, 2011

Not just good, Great.

Things have been going better than I ever could of ever imagined, and its all because I started to focus on positive things. Always be positive no matter what anyone tells you; that's the most important lesson I have learned. Being positive reinforces your thoughts and allows you to make the best decisions for what you want in all situations. Its basically the best way to live in my opinion and everyday no matter what is better than the last.

On Wednesday I tested my resolve and headed to Tubbys to play some games, chat with some people, and see if I've really changed all that much. It was rough at first, especially talking to Anna again; but I think that the new me handled everything superbly. I think just the fact that I talked to others more than her really speaks volumes about it. The night was fun and I'm looking forward to going again this week, also for Tuesday, when her and I will hang out 100% as friends for the first time.

I've been getting back into fighting games again, looking forward to the Alberta Beatdown tournament that I'll win next month. Baby steps first, beat everyone here and then beat everyone in Alberta. Ambition, that's a good thing. In related news, PSN is finally back up again and although I haven't really used any part of it; it has been a pretty good thing that it is back up. I've been playing Blazblue CS2 on the Xbox and I honestly have to say that playing on the pad really sucks, it works but it is no where near comparable to the PS3, which in turn is incomparable to an Arcade stick.

Glad that PSN is completely back up again before Summer starts so I can game online like crazy if I so feel it.

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Time to Start Fresh

Life sure is pretty interesting, and it is something that I truly enjoy every second of. I'm learning more and more every single day. But you know what I think might be the most important thing to never forget? Always be positive, even when things suck you can still try to pick out the good things and laugh and smile. Being happy sure beats being sad any day of the week, and heck the more happier you are the more happier you'll become. Back when I was talking with that batshit insane ex of mine, I felt like crap and she made me feel even more like crap. What happened was I just kept spiraling and felt worse and worse. Now there's a reversal of fortune, I've become happy and every minute, hour, and day I feel even better. Life is just so much better if you look only at the good stuff and ignore the bad stuff, as a result you just keep getting more good things and more happiness.

So what have I been doing as of recently? The same things surprisingly, except this time around I'm looking at all the good things. I don't see my homework as a chore anymore I see it as getting a lot closer to end of high school altogether and reaching University. I don't see games as an escape or something that reminds me of her; I see how fun they actually are and all the good times I had with her and how someday I'll have those again. Its all in the way you look at things. As an added stroke of luck, Barry (my old district manager) replied to me and offered me the job, and what's even better? It's at the same amazing location! I think it really shows how strong the mind is, that just changing how you think can really alter your life. I wasn't happy when I got this amazing laptop, and now I'm happy just because I have it, and I'm happy for all the things that I'll ever get.

Smile folks! =)

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Ninjas on a Sailboat.

So yeah, I'm a lot happier now. I think most of that comes from cutting that batshit insane ex of mine out of my life. Honestly its freaking ridiculous how crappy I felt compared to now. Like my friend Sarah said, she learned how to best hurt me and exploited it. I almost got dug into a hole in which might of completely destroyed any hope of Anna and I ever talking again. I guess there are actually terrible people in the world, although now I can honestly say I'm happier. On the plus side, I might be able to talk to Anna again; considering all I've learned about her.

She understood a lot more about me than I ever gave her credit, in a way she could see through the lies and see who I really was. What amazed me was that she actually fell in love with who I really was and its because she cares for me that she chose to separate herself from me so I dispel the lies and become stronger. She stuck with me for so long trying to make me see, scared that if she flat out told me it would end us. Now she is showing more than ever that she's a lot smarter than I have ever hoped. There is a flaw in her plan, and I'm only saying this because I've finally learned enough to fully understand it.

There is a concept in psychology known as social regression in which a part of it is the definition of what happens when two old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time finally do, and they revert back to being the same people they were before. I've learned that she is scared of me ever acting the same as I did before she cut herself out. The flaw in her plan is that it has no end, she believes that she can talk to me again a long time in the future and I'll be a changed man. Not true because we'd regress again and start over at the same crappy situation we're in now. I proposed a situation in which her and I talk to each-other again slowly so that the drastic change I'm doing right now gets applied to our friendship.

Yeah, I said friendship. I guess I must of "fell out of love" and can now actually accept something like that. It also came with realizing that her and I without the title of "boyfriend and girlfriend" were really best friends. I'd be stupid to let my best friend walk out the door.

On a different note, I've been playing Amnesia: The Dark Decent. I have to honestly say that this is one of the most terrifying games I've ever played, and there is a lot of reasons for this. First off is the Light/Dark component of this game, do you choose to stay in the dark so you can avoid detection by enemies? or do you stay in the light so you can see and you can remain sane? If you stay in the dark you run the risk on going insane, seeing enemies that might not even be there; if you are in the light you can be detected and murdered. You have no weapon, none whatsoever. Instead for once you actually need to survive the horror, so instead of conserving ammo you conserve oil for your lantern (which drains fast as hell). This is a real horror game making Dead Space and Resident Evil look like action movies instead of a horror. If you're a fan of horror games or just want to shit your pants... get it.

Saturday, May 7, 2011

Today I don't feel like doing anything.

I'm amazed at how I said I would live a new life without drama, and a week later drama happens. All this while, trying to change myself for the better; I've been confiding in two people. One was a girl that was always busy and so I didn't really have much time to ever talk to her. The other was a girl I once dated, who was actually available so I talked to her all the time, no idea why. Honestly, it was a stupid idea, red lights should of popped off in my head that she didn't like either me or Anna. Yet, I thought it was perfectly okay for me to get her help with the whole situation between two people she didn't exactly like.

There is a reason as to why I've been feeling less than stellar, I mean I've been constantly put down by her over the last week without even knowing it. There is also a reason as to why nothing has been progressing, she's been sabotaging my efforts telling Anna completely misleading things about me to split us further apart. I figured that it would be okay to trust her, that trusting anyone is better than trusting no one. Glad to say that my friend Sarah, she finally got my message and called me. Might be the first time in a while I've understood what an actual friend was. She confirmed many of my suspicions of what was going on and actually supported what I was doing, admiring my resolve. So I feel a lot happier now, and beyond that we even began to work on a solution to all of this now that we understood the full story.

So, I've been filling up my laptop slowly over time; at first just for school I needed to get Word and Photoshop, and then DivX player so I could watch a documentary for English. I watched the 11th hour, an environmental documentary produced by Leonardo DiCaprio. If you want to know about the state of the planet, I'd recommend this documentary; its developed much more in my opinion that "An Inconvenient Truth". I've been also installing some games so I can pass some time between work, I've downloaded "Angry Bird" a very entertaining mini-game. I also installed "Amnesia: The Dark Descent", a pretty gripping horror game that honestly messes with your head so much it becomes difficult to play.

So, I'm just wondering if there is anything else that I should try? This laptop's pretty good haha, I wanna see just how good it is. Oh, and yes it can run Crysis lol.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Slowly But Surely

Everyday is amazing in that I can continue to learn more about myself and the future ahead of me. I've finally made some pretty big realizations today and learned some pretty big lessons. In a way I'm learning to actually grow up and stop being a child all the time. Maybe this is what everybody means by how wisdom is only gained through age. I feel like I'm finally progressing and I can actually start to change myself for the better.

I've learned that we can't be together now, but I have a lot of time in my life to end up with her. Right now, I need to focus on becoming a better person. I'll celebrate the biggest day of our lives, by starting a new friendship. I need to learn to let go, to understand that she'll be with other people; but someday she'll end up with me. It doesn't bother me, that she'll kiss other guys, sleep with them, or even fall in love with them. Its the way life is, and I know that I can't control any of it anymore.I can only control my own actions, I'm sure that when she sees that; she'll understand that someday we'll be together.

Its funny to me that the thing she kept on telling me: "You're always controlling me!" was the one thing I never thought actually happened. Now that I think about it, its what I really did. I may not of ever flat out said she couldn't do anything, but I manipulated her love for me so that she would listen to my distaste. Now I'm trying my best not to be so controlling anymore, understanding that she and the world are out of my control is only the first step. For once, I actually realize that I don't know what to do; and that I will actually take the advice of others. I think it is better that her and I just be friends until I can learn how to actually be a boyfriend; and I should just stick with her, then maybe someday when we're both ready then we can start again. Start from square one. I've destroyed everything else, all we can ever do is start over again; from square one.

She's a better person than me, I think back and see nothing but the things I've done wrong. She hasn't done anything wrong, can a person as broken as me ever function with someone like her? I'm surprised she lasted so hard, I may ridicule her a lot for not being as smart as me; but in reality she's a lot smarter than me for realizing that this was the only way to get through to me.

On a random "I want to talk about this now" point, I've finished Portal 2. The ending was just... out of this world. It was an amazing game, although now that I've finished the single and co-op campaigns I'm not entirely sure if there is anything left for me in the game. Wow, though it was the most fun I've ever had thinking; although I can actually finally say that I'm not as good as solving puzzles as I thought I was.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

I'm Confused.

I'm pretty confused right now on how to feel. A lot of good stuff has been happening for me and bad stuff has been happening as well. It just makes my head kind of hurt. I seriously wish that this would all just end, like it was some crazy nightmare or something.

Bad news first I guess, I'm still hung up (duh) over her, no matter what I can't shake the feeling. I was pretty broken up today over how I might never actually be with her again and that almost killed me. I feel like I've realized so much and learned so much about myself that I might cap out soon. But then what? If I learn all I have to learn, and perfect myself in her eyes; then what? Does it all become sunshine and rainbows like I hope? No, we'll have to start from square one provided she even allows us to do that. Its a rocky ride ahead for me.

Tonight is Wednesday, the night her and I always go out together to Tubby's. Tonight will be different. Tonight I've decided to not go simply so I don't see her. Its because I'm actually serious about changing for the better, so now its not her who's ignoring me, its me who's taking control of the situation. When I'm good and ready I'll go back there and see her, but for now... I need to calm down how I feel for her.

Good news, good news. One is that I got Portal 2 and I love it, already have burned through the co-op campaign and am now starting the single. The second great thing that happened is my High School Diploma came in through the mail, as a reward I got a new laptop! Finally, I get to replace the stinking pile of garbage which was my old broken laptop.

I don't feel happy though and maybe its just the weather, but honestly all of this stuff has made me realize what I really actually did for those 3 years I was with her. I think though that this down time is just setting me up for something big and bright in the future, and well if this time I spend improving myself brings me a happy future with her, I can say its worth it.

Monday, May 2, 2011

Up and Down.

How do I feel today? Pretty up and down I'd say, crazy amounts of mood swings. At one second I couldn't care about what happens at all, and the next I can barely move being bogged down by my thoughts. It's pretty rough lol, and yet it doesn't really help that my friends aren't really doing much in the way of talking to me. I pass by though, distracting myself works to a pretty decent length.

Although I have been getting back into my music and that has been making me feel a lot better. I also think a good outlet for my lying would be through creativity, writing stories instead of warping reality. Beyond that, I still have schoolwork to contend with and I better get on that. If I don't pass my Sociology and Psychology classes I'm basically screwed getting into University this year.

Sunday, May 1, 2011

A New Week, a New Chapter.

Woke up today feeling a lot better actually, I don't know what it was. Maybe the fact that I hit the gym again for once, or maybe its because I'm finally occupying myself. But maybe its because I realized that no matter how few "true friends" stood by me, they were all helping me a great deal. Hell, even the positive comments made me feel better haha. Hope things continue to look up.

I picked up the guitar again, I stopped playing for so long and I don't even know why, I had even stopped playing the piano. Music is a huge part of my life even though I may not be so fanatic about it, I love all kinds of music. I love the feeling of expression you get from playing.

I've also began my novel study on The Kite Runner, I've heard its a good book but I don't know what to expect. Hopefully it won't be a giant pain to read through, like King Lear was for me. In a way I'm kind of actually enjoying living a simple tech-free life (besides the computer of course, how could I live?) and doing stuff that I never did when I was with her. Of course it always helps that PSN is down and I'm bored of my shooters on the Xbox.

Oh and yeah, these are actually short posts. I plan to blog every day now, so I'm not just going to rant for 10 pages. =)


Saturday, April 30, 2011

What now?

After months and months of shit happening to me I think I finally decided what I'm going to do. I don't want any more, any more drama in my life. Maybe that's unavoidable since I'll be going to University this fall, but at least for now I'm going to take a step back.

In retrospect. I lied, a lot. That's the reason why I'm basically going through this now. I started trying to be more and more honest over the last year, but maybe it was too late. To be honest, I'm kind of a loser for not realizing anything for three years. So I guess its time to move on.

Although moving on is basically the last thing I ever want to do, I've basically tried everything else. Hell, I can't even play games anymore because its what she loved the most. I figure I'll just smile, I hate to make people sad anyways hahaha.

One of my favorite songs, very relevant.
Yet, also a lie.

I promise I'll cheer up haha, I'll find some poor sucker to bawl to instead.

Friday, April 29, 2011


You never know what you've had, what you've loved; until it's gone.

Never let it be too late.

Not trying to be overwhelmingly sad here, just passing some advice. If you listen to me once. Let it be this.

Monday, February 21, 2011

One, Two, Let's Begin.

The thing about posting infrequent posts is that I often forget about what I do, and what I want to write about. Yet I can't help but not post sometimes because I am getting more busy by the day. Between school, the release of Marvel vs. Capcom 3, and the revival of what may be my social life; I've been keeping myself busy. Honestly, I feel as though the world was waiting for me to turn 18. Maybe, life just didn't start until now; I'm not a kid anymore and I am growing in more ways than I can imagine.

Since my Birthday I have not actually done any drinking or used any of my 18+ abilities I gained, in fact I've been acting more and more like I did when I was 16. Maybe my mind is regressing or maybe it is just something new altogether. I'll most likely be going to the pub on Tuesday however, for Anna's birthday. Speaking of her, we have gotten over our differences and are fitting nicely as friends. The problem holding us back before was actually the same problem I had with Erin. The unwillingness to let go... I actually realized it after talking to Erin, now that we're friends again. So after letting it all out and severing that last tie, it allowed Anna and I to actually be friends, same as it happened with Erin again. Anna's got a lot to learn though haha, I've been giving her advice with this guy; the only time things really mess up is when she doesn't listen to me and goes out on her own. Its just one of those situations where love is a game, and you have to win if you want the prize.

As for winning, I mentioned Marvel vs. Capcom 3? The game I was extremely excited for? Turns out I'm amazing at the game and on the day after release, after killing my brother 20-2 I was hungry for more competition. We went down to Tubby's and I played some games with the best players in Calgary. Suffice to say, there was a tourney and I took first place (free meal, yeah!). Surprisingly I think that it would actually be plausible for me to do well at the tournament next month. First place is 70% of the entry pot + $500 cash. To be honest though, I've never actually competed live in person before so I don't know if the nerves will strike me. After all, one of the best MvC2 players in the world is coming, so like no pressure or anything. Either way, will be excited; I'm also excited to make everyone detest the game at Anna's party.

Anyways, for school I've started to read through and do the assignments for English, Psych, and Sociology. I won't be able to do much because I'll be locked down with this stuff, but I'll still try and be interesting hahaha. So the other day I went to an absolutely amazing Japanese restaurant called Kinjo. It was one of the best dining experiences I ever had, I went there with Anna on Saturday and it was packed. But due to my amazing luck two seats opened up at the sushi bar and we skipped the 30+ people line. First off was the way the bar was laid out, it was in a massive oval in the center of the building. The bar is wrapped around the actual kitchen where the staff cooks and cuts everything, then the cool thing is that in front of the bar table there is these plastic boats which float around carrying food all around the entire bar! The food was excellent, and the energy there was really friendly, with the staff constantly singing songs and publicly humiliating everyone. I actually ended up talking to the blonde next to me and her boyfriend, and it was actually really fun overall. I forgot how neat it is to talk to people you don't know.

Great times, and I'll be sure to post something after the party but for now I'm pretty tired, and just wanted to check in with my crap. =)

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Happy Birthday!

A big day has passed I supposed and as such I found it fitting to return to my usual blogging which I've neglected. Yesterday was my birthday, in which was filled with games and just purely hanging out with the best of friends. I turned 18 and since that is legal age here, drank a little; however I honestly find that drinking isn't the biggest thing about turning legal. I've been to a lot of parties and drank underage a decent amount already; the main difference is only obvious when you actually become legal.

The main reason it was so different was the company and location played a large role as well. Honestly this was the first time I've ever had that relaxed experience. Ever been to a lounge? I do believe that prior with all my party drinking and such, nothing could of compared to the experience of just chatting, relaxing, drinking, and sharing a plate of oversized nachos. It was pretty cool, while originally planning to take my party to the bar; I decided against it later as I do have my entire life to experience that. Hahaha, the only part I didn't experience was the one where should ID me. I look like I'm 16 sometimes.

Beyond that it was really the only "adult" thing I did, I'm just too comfortable with my life as it stands right now. We paraded for the first time around the CrossIron Mills mall, and I was pleasantly finding myself pleased with the selection of shops. Everything was there, and we had all the time in the world to go to any shops we wanted to. We tried some wonderful burgers for lunch and shopped at multiple stores. I found my new clothing style (sorry wallet) which I'll update accordingly soon; and I also found what I would look like if I went to a pretentious private school. I wouldn't deny that I look alright, but I'm just so not used to it. Also my suit size increased by a lot hahaha, so it was all ridiculously uncomfortable.

On another page, I ventured for the first time last Wednesday to TubbyDog's, a hot dog restaurant in Uptown Calgary which specializes in unorthadox but incredibly delicious hot dogs. What made that night special was honestly the fact that TubbyDog hosted a fight night every wednesday for the fighting game community. By far, no joke there is some serious talent; I found people who are among the best in the country. There was also a lot more people than I had expected. The fighting game community has rapidly expanded since its revival with Street Fighter 4, with the last Canada Cup tournament with an attendance of 500 people and the expected doubled amount for this year. On the biggest note, the fight night sealed my decision on Marvel vs. Capcom 3; it was there to play a week early. And, upon playing it; was quite literally the best experience I've ever had playing a game immediately. What it might lack in the tactile metagame of street fighter it makes up for in sheer fun.

Next on the list of things to do is to prepare for Anna's party, she forced herself to have the party on a weekday for some odd reason instead of the weekend before and was about to cancel before I convinced her not to. Either way, its going to be another giant gaming bash followed by a night at the bar. Which I might attend, or not as I might not feel like it.

I do dislike posting this infrequently as I like to ramble on about certain things forever. But still. I'll try to remain constant hahaha, as to keep the posts shorter.

Friday, January 28, 2011

What now?

Been so busy freaking about and studying for the Physics diploma exam. Now that it has finally past I feel like I've made it to a major milestone. I'd like to think I did well, for a subject that is so very difficult. The amount of work I put into it, and the amount of support I got was just enough to get me through that long 2.5 hours. The exam was difficult, but not unbearable. I was just happy to get out of there alive.

I realized that my original plan to take four classes this semester wouldn't be possible, simply because the amount of stress I had going into the physics exam. I would not be able to handle Pure Math 30 again. I opted to sign up for 3 instead. English, Sociology, and Psychology. That will fufill my entry requirements for the school I set my sights on. I was contemplating attempting to apply for the UofC again, but entry is steep and I need my math skills to be prime. Mount Royal will be my choice, I'll be applying ASAP; using my Social and Physics marks for my Early Application. Hopefully I can tune my marks to be highly competitive by the end of the year.

Classes don't start until February 16, so I have a lot of stress free time now. I don't have much planned at all, barely got my birthday celebrations planned out. But I am going to go work for a day this Sunday, helping Softmoc move stores. At least then I'll have some birthday money to spend hahaha. I finally fixed the PS3, as it Yellow Lighted a few days ago. So, now I can at least game until school starts again. Not much to play other than the usual competitive goodies. Super Street Fighter IV being a great game, Little Big Planet 2 being very entertaining as usual, and I just picked up Dead Space 2.

I spoke to her again, my dare I say 'friend' and it went well. I never felt so free from all the troubles that burdened me and I never honestly felt more relaxed. The world may have changed while I was gone, and people may look at me different now; but at least if your intentions are good, good will happen. I won't go into very much detail at the time because my blog recently came under some questionable viewership. At this time, I seem to have more enemies than anything else. Back to you guys soon. Peace.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I forgot to write a title lol

I never know what to write when I begin to write my posts, it always just comes to me as I go along. I don't edit anything out, save one moment. It is just the way I handle things, I've recently began to truly wonder what should I do with my free time? I find myself on the video games less and less, and I see myself drift further and further away from things that I once did to fill that time.

This weekend I went to see The Green Hornet, a movie that was in one word Legendary. I think the movie was very well scripted, and was entertaining and funny to the very end. Seth Rogen never ceases to amaze me in the roles that he plays, no matter how different the role is he manages to play it well and add his own personality into it. However, I cannot see him doing any role that isn't remotely comedy (similar to Jim Carrey). Jay Chou I have known prior to this film as a very talented musician, but when it comes down to it he acts very well. Although I have to say he was passive at times in terms of facial expressions, I wasn't really feeling the character as much. Altogether though it was a very good film and I would go see it again, the value of the movie is in the comedy and the sheer ass-kicking.

Speaking of friendship, I spoke to Anna about our relationship; whether or not I actually want to think about it, we were on a fine line between being friends and being more. We were like that for such a long time I've grown accustomed to it. Funny thing though, and this may be the start of one a new theory (don't quote me!) is that when I told her that we are just friends, it felt like a barrier broke. Things that bothered me before didn't seem to phase me that much anymore, everything changed almost immediately. It was almost as some illusion was shattered. I did give her the courtesy of telling her exactly why it wouldn't work out, and today it seemed as though she became a little more positive, even if just for a little.

Looks like the world as I know is changing all around me. Soon I won't be taking high school courses and talking to the same people. But friends, they last forever; don't they.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Progressively getting more awesome.

That's who I am at heart; a philosopher, a thinker and a doer. Most of all though, I am pretty awesome. Also, I'm getting more and more awesome everyday, the problems of yesterday are meaning so much less everyday. At the end of the day I sure did feel a lot better.

I've been thinking about the future a bit and some of the past. I wonder what I'll really end up doing when I'm a real adult. I have to really think about it because I've never kept a job for more than 3 months and that is only because it becomes extremely dull around that time. Even though I was meeting new people everyday it ended up feeling so canned. I was there to sell a product, not to really talk to them; which I suppose was why I ended up quitting. So what will I be?

A good question has come up recently that I've thought over again and again. If you are so good at socializing, then why don't you go out and do it more? At first I gave answer that I felt best described the reason why I didn't: Because I don't have those kinds of friends anymore. That got me thinking... It was true that the friends that I kept after the strings of break-ups weren't really the kind that I ever talked about people to. Back when I talked to Kaitlyn and her friends, one of the topics I would frequent was the people that I met; and not just chicks in the mall, but like the crazy and cool people on the train. When I hang out with the "guys" I'd never talk about that stuff and I would always talk about games, music and other cool things.

I recall my birthday, that every year since about Gr.9 that I would host two parties; one for the "guys" and the "girls". Now that's an umbrella term I use since Anna fits neatly into the "guys" even though she isn't one. Why did I split my friends? Was I too worried about a possible split in the party? Or was it something else? That leads to this year... This year I didn't even want to have a party at all for my 18th, I felt so down in the dumps that nothing really mattered. Through the break-up split and by choice I had phased out everyone I thought shouldn't be my close friends. A thought popped in my head though, that the best parties I had ever been to was the ones where you'd just hang out with the close friends and maybe do something you haven't done. So I think my 18th isn't going to be some wild bash like I thought it might of been, but instead I'm going to take like 3 or 4 friends out and we are just going to live.

Ahem.. the Break-Up Split that I was mentioning and was dying to explain was a theory that I had been conceiving in my mind the past few days, however though it may sound like re-inventing the wheel.
The Break-Up Split (for lack of an actual term) is the event in which after a break-up everyone in any relation to the couple chooses a side. I've found that no one can choose both sides, however much they try. Choose one side and the lose the other; I have explored the third option (choose neither) but its pretty inconclusive.

That in a nutshell is what I was talking about, now on figuring all of this stuff out recently; I found that I am obsessed with human relationships. Friendships and Love relationships, both have what appears to be an psuedo-science behind them. Following a set of laws, rules, and guidelines; human relationships seem to play out a certain way. If ever I was to make it as a psychology student, and was to write a thesis; I would put this as my topic. I mean I do have lots, and I've learned a lot; for example I just talked about the "Break-Up Split" and I could also talk about the "Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Girlfriend Conundrum". And I could also learn how to come up with better names, but its better than "My Principle".

That ends one gigantic rant, in which I started with saying how I've been getting more and more awesome everyday to how my future is still a mess to figuring out what I actually enjoy so much about Psychology. Its funny how life works out sometimes, but one thing is for sure.

I'm Awesome.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Friendship in the new year

More than a week later, and 2011 is still a great year. Full of fun, adventures, new and old beginnings, and nearly no disappointment. While not much has changed in what I've been doing, I've been feeling fulfilled by the end of every day. When I play games, I'm always noticing improvement and more importantly I'm having a lot of fun. And everyday I feel like I learn something new or I realize something new. Its surprising but this year is actually so much better than every beginning of a new year so far.

So last post a few minutes after I had published it, I had went back and edited out part of it. Why? Because I felt like a hypocrite and I was a little embarrassed. I talked previously about how the one thing I didn't enjoy about the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" was Ted's constant run-backs with that one one girl Robin. After I wrote that, I realized that I'm the same because the next thing I was writing about was my plan to call up an old ex and hang out, be friends. Gosh, I felt like such a moron; that is was actually the FIRST time I have ever not written what was on my mind.

Anyways I took the high-road learning from my mistakes and actually called her, up to the point I realized she didn't want to pick up so I left a message. Sending me a text a few days later, she replied; saying that she didn't want to see me yet, but there was no harm in just being friendly. That's cool with me, I truly wanted to just be a friend anyways. So we promised we would call eachother soon, and by now I still haven't called her. I just don't know what to say.

Rewind back a bit, I have to mention that I honestly don't know how to be "friendly". I've actually been getting tips, because through certain opinions I don't be "friendly", I just flirt all the time. Seeing that this is pretty bad, I figure I'll just tell her exactly that; so that's what I was planning to do today. Ease the tension off, and then go into chatty Chris mode. But then the most interesting revelation came while I was watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It was interestingly an episode about how Ted and Robin who had in the last season dated and broke up, are finding it difficult to be friends. Now while its fucking weird for me to take advice from a TV show, it did make sense to me finally. The reason why my ex doesn't want to see me is because it would be awkward for us to be together alone. Also get this, for us to be friends it has to just happen. I've been jumping the gun, and all I need to do is tell her that I understand and the rest will come if it comes.

When I think of it after writing that I feel kind of stupid, when I get a relationship going its either one of us going after eachother, and correct me if I'm wrong but, a friendship comes from passivity. If you both like eachother (in a totally non-carnal way), share similar interests; then its just eventual that you'll be friends. That's why when I think back to say... Elementary when I met Nathan, I can't remember for the life of me why or how we became friends. BAM! New flash, I just realized what I was doing with Erin before (pushing her to hang out) was essentially me asking her out; which you know would contradict with the whole boyfriend thing. Even though it wasn't my intention, it turns out that I probably did that. The only thing left is tell her, so she understands THATS why. I wasn't hitting on her, I was just socially inept!

So I can mark this down: January 2011, Chris learns how to make a friend.
I feel like I solved a mystery or something, all my life I've basically been working on these social interactions and I'm surprised I never learned this one. In short: Just be cool.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Start of Something New.

Hi everyone, my name is Chris. Today is the first post of the year, 2010 has been beyond wonderful. I feel like I had felt like crap all year, but now here I am. Still alive, still enjoying what I have, and in the end that is really all that matters.

I believe that new years is always disappointing, and this is because that nothing ever goes the way you really want it to. New years is usually the time when we have huge hopes and huge plans, and usually it doesn't work out the way we would like it to. Usually New Years is spent with others, used to be with family; but most of the time it isn't very eventful. The only ones I remember were spending time with at my Aunts house, and making the resolution that I'd be with my girlfriend at the time, forever. We broke up in two weeks; but that isn't the worst. Last year, was a friend's party; it was fun until you know my best friend started macking on some guy. This year, was spent alone and I really mean it. My family went to bed at 10pm, I stayed up until midnight but found no will to even care. All these bad new years have made me jaded to what I could experience, but I still made a resolution. 2011 is going to rock, basically I told myself I would make the most out of life, and just do what the hell I want to do.

I started with just settling in and enjoying what I already have. I played games again, I watched How I Met Your Mother, and I did my physics work. In the three days that have passed I've done a lot according to me. I've been playing and improving myself in games like CoD, Starcraft 2, Warcraft 3, Super Street Fighter 4, and really working on improving myself. I watched an entire season of How I Met Your Mother, at a reasonable pace compared to The Big Bang Theory just because its not as gripping to me. Its a perfect blend of romance and comedy, but the reason I don't like it as much is because the romance at times is annoying. For example, Ted the main character continues to run it back (at least 5 times now) with the SAME girl, if he wasn't so desperate it would be perfect.

My number one concern right now is going through my physics course, the diploma exam is in a few weeks so I have to prepare for that. Right now my mark is better than most my other ones but that isn't saying a lot. The diploma exam will push me up into the 80s if I do well on it, but I'm optimistic for a 75+ at this point. Also within the next week or so I'll need to visit Ernest Manning to sign up for any more courses I'll need to go to school.

Theres the plan and I'm still taking it day by day. I've looked over how I planned the last 17 years of my life and honestly the flaw was that I took it step by step, I left no breathing room for just kicking ass. So here I go, 2011 is going to rock!