So yeah, I'm a lot happier now. I think most of that comes from cutting that batshit insane ex of mine out of my life. Honestly its freaking ridiculous how crappy I felt compared to now. Like my friend Sarah said, she learned how to best hurt me and exploited it. I almost got dug into a hole in which might of completely destroyed any hope of Anna and I ever talking again. I guess there are actually terrible people in the world, although now I can honestly say I'm happier. On the plus side, I might be able to talk to Anna again; considering all I've learned about her.
She understood a lot more about me than I ever gave her credit, in a way she could see through the lies and see who I really was. What amazed me was that she actually fell in love with who I really was and its because she cares for me that she chose to separate herself from me so I dispel the lies and become stronger. She stuck with me for so long trying to make me see, scared that if she flat out told me it would end us. Now she is showing more than ever that she's a lot smarter than I have ever hoped. There is a flaw in her plan, and I'm only saying this because I've finally learned enough to fully understand it.
There is a concept in psychology known as social regression in which a part of it is the definition of what happens when two old friends who haven't seen each other in a long time finally do, and they revert back to being the same people they were before. I've learned that she is scared of me ever acting the same as I did before she cut herself out. The flaw in her plan is that it has no end, she believes that she can talk to me again a long time in the future and I'll be a changed man. Not true because we'd regress again and start over at the same crappy situation we're in now. I proposed a situation in which her and I talk to each-other again slowly so that the drastic change I'm doing right now gets applied to our friendship.
Yeah, I said friendship. I guess I must of "fell out of love" and can now actually accept something like that. It also came with realizing that her and I without the title of "boyfriend and girlfriend" were really best friends. I'd be stupid to let my best friend walk out the door.
On a different note, I've been playing Amnesia: The Dark Decent. I have to honestly say that this is one of the most terrifying games I've ever played, and there is a lot of reasons for this. First off is the Light/Dark component of this game, do you choose to stay in the dark so you can avoid detection by enemies? or do you stay in the light so you can see and you can remain sane? If you stay in the dark you run the risk on going insane, seeing enemies that might not even be there; if you are in the light you can be detected and murdered. You have no weapon, none whatsoever. Instead for once you actually need to survive the horror, so instead of conserving ammo you conserve oil for your lantern (which drains fast as hell). This is a real horror game making Dead Space and Resident Evil look like action movies instead of a horror. If you're a fan of horror games or just want to shit your pants... get it.