Happy Holidays 2010

Hello everyone, I do hope that Christmas and the otherwise holiday season has gone well for everyone. For me it has gone alright, suffice to say while I was disappointed by most people I still had a relatively good time; and to me I believe that it what I will remember.

In terms of presents I find that every year the joy of gift giving and sharing itself outweighs the presents themselves. While many would disagree with my motion that giving is better than receiving the holiday season still presents many with a collective sense of identity. We all have that one thing we truly want and never get, according to the poll I placed two weeks ago it is only natural. The number one answer was agreeably, a person. I myself have wished that before, and I even have this year; but even if we don't get that one gift it really is the hope that is really magical. 

Beyond that, I hope that everyone has gotten reasonable presents, nothing that would make one want to throw said present out a window. I myself have gotten (not surprisingly) a load of video games and related things and I am generally pretty happy with it all.

Recently I've been hanging out a ton more with Lyndsey and its been great. We had a little spat a few days ago because of jealousy is all. We're back to being a bunch of cool cats and she leaves this Sunday so we've been making the most of it. I don't think I've ever chatted with a person this much before. She introduced me to a piece of remarkable television called The Big Bang Theory. Chances are most of you already know about it, it is pretty popular apparently. If you don't there isn't much to know, its written in part by Chuck Lorre who has created "Two and a Half Men", and focuses on 4 very smart lads and 1 "normal" blonde. It is a frickin' hoot, and also appeals to me because its romantic-comedy feel to it. I had a lot of fun watching and talking with Lyndsey. I'm actually now caught up, it only took like 5 days too to go through 3 and a half seasons. So I guess I'll be watching it live now along with Glee.

I'm usually pretty distant from television as most of you know, but I've been thinking and I've been declining my gaming hours. When I first started living out on my own, I jumped to nearly 8-9 hours a day of playing video games and now I'm sinking to about about an hour a day. Back in the day when I had limited game time, I'd balance with my friends. But now since they're gone, I guess I've changed a bit to television. But rest assured, its not like I'll social hermit myself like the month before I went on vacation. I'm watching "How I Met Your Mother" next... largely in part to Lyndsey for recommending me.

I have decided and almost locked down what I hope to do up til' September. First is make Physics 30 my bitch, second find out what course(s) I need to take or retake to get my requirements, and lastly save up money to buy myself my own laptop. My entire family has basically failed to fulfill their promise to buy me a laptop for graduation, so I'll take it into my own hands. I've basically zeroed in on the XPS 14 after heavy debate between that and the Envy 14, and it basically came down to familiarity of keyboard/pad and also sound quality. I don't plan to actually buy until around summer when its closer to when I need it, so I'll check back in a few months and find what's similar.

As for the school, I've picked Mount Royal University; I'll be frank, I like Calgary and I hate how fucking boring UofA looks. Also Mount Royal has an apartment/townhouse style residence, which is more suited to me who doesn't like sharing his room with strangers. I could even tolerate the 4-person suite with a separate bedroom for me. So I'll be working hard; although I'm not sure if I'll be actually working... it really depends on how I feel. I also recently found that I might eventually need to drive so I'll work on that slowly too.

Alright, long-ish post finished. On a final note, I've noticed how I've seemed to fluctuate a lot between talking to the readers and talking to myself like a journal. 

Planning Ahead!

What's up people? As you all know tomorrow is Chrismas Eve and the next day following is Christmas Day! While I might be one of the only people actually excited for it, because everyone else is a clear douche, I found it doesn't make it any less exciting.

Anyways to further prove that my parents are dickbags, my dad wanted to talk to me. It was basically about the fact that I'm turning 18 and he will no longer be responsible for me, I withheld my smart ass comment about how stupid he is for not knowing that legal responsibility ends when the child is 16. He continued to say I will have to pay rent to continue living here. I also withheld my comment that the only reason I'm living here is because I was too nice not to burden anyone with my problems and also that it was free for me to live here. If it comes to the point that I have to pay rent to live with my parents I am leaving, I don't care where. Then the third thing, he said however he will support me if I go to University, I withheld a giant fuck you when I heard that. Because whenever asked, my parents would always say that they would support me no matter what I do. Not that it really mattered to me as I personally want to go to University, but I actually believed them. After all thats what parents do right.

Well fuck them, I've already started to plan. The first step will be to finish my Physics course with the highest grade possible, then go to CBELearn to find out what I need to gain admission. I plan to attend UofA, because I like Alberta but want to get away from my intoxicating family. It is in Edmonton about 3 hours north of here. After that apply to the faculty (the requirements are much lower now that Psych merged into the arts),  and apply for residence. Residence is the easiest part but also the part that I'll stick it to my parents "support". You see, I can live with a roommate, I don't like the idea but I can do it; and I was going to last year to help my parents out so they don't have to pay too much. They're stupid though and just believe everything I say, I'm just nice not to abuse it. So I'm going to probably apply for a single room, I'm still nice enough not to splurge another thousand to get a private bathroom as well, but I sure could.

If they actually live up to their promise to "support" me, then they're in for a ride. Tuition will be roughly $6600, residence single /w bathroom (lol) $5300, required meal plan (most expensive for lmaos) $3300. Do the math but that's a lot of money hahahaha. About roughly $15000 for the year, its about as expensive as American colleges to be frank; but I'm in Canada so I guess education is funded better. Of course I also have a backup plan, I've saved enough money to pay off the difference between the double room and single room, and if I go back to Barry and ask for my job I could make a lot more. I'll have to, because my parents are cheap; and I've seen nothing in terms of generosity either. 15 grand is no laughing matter, but through careful planning and financial aid I could actually pay it off myself. My marks are too low to get a good scholarship but at least I can apply for financial aid (even though my parents are cheap isn't a good excuse haha).

Thats the plan, I'm going to stick with it. Also, you may not know but I was planning even more costlier travels. Such as UCLA, Berkeley, and even foreign secondaries. But in the end I settled on here, I really have nothing left in this city; but I don't want to go too far away either. Oh and I need a laptop, I basically use Anna's all the time, so I'll need my own once I leave. My aunt, parents, and everyone else in my family said "If you graduate high school I'll buy you a laptop"; Where's my laptop? Anyways, more and more is pointing for me to get my job again, I guess I will have to so I can buy the things I need.

Anyways, I hope that my plan doesn't go awry, and I hope you guys enjoyed (at least somewhat) my rant. That's really all that's important to me right now, I've got to go to a party in like 3 or 4 hours so I'll probably post another soon.

There is like 5 days left!

Hey everyone, how the hell are you? Past few days have been decently eventful at most, but I actually delayed writing about it because I was working on my new years blog post. Fair warning though that it will be gigantic, and like most of the content on here; it will be written for me. So my advice would be, read the first paragraph which will explain what it is, and read it if you want to. If not, haha whatevs.

Over the past few days sleep has been a very silly thing, I actually fell asleep at 9pm one night and woke up at 5 the next morning. Then I decided to stay up til 4am and sleep til now, which is 4 pm. The main reason I switched back to a late sleeping schedule is because my Dad came home from work, which basically means the internet is hogged all day long until after midnight. So if I want to get in my half an hour of Call of Duty or even write a blog then I generally have to stay up.

Inevitably I'm finding myself more and more filled with hate, its a sad and horrible thing to say but I can honestly say that it is true from the bottom of my heart. Now I can't really say that any Christmas for me has been optimal, and that really only last year was good at all... but it really shows that one person can make that difference for someone else. I've been trying to keep my spirits up but the people around me show no regard for others, no sense of giving and no cheer. In fact I went upstairs to greet my father when he came back from work and he started yelling at me about the University refund that never went through, I explained that he didn't call them back with the credit card number and he refused that it was his fault and it was instead mine. He told me to get the number so he could call them, and I said alright and started going downstairs to get it, but he wouldn't stop fucking talking my ear off about it, then he decided to complain to my mom who no shit gets on his retarded side, and even after I explain to my uncle the situation he's on their side. Well fuck, I'm just trying to be nice and get everything in order as fast as possible and everyone just wants to bash on me. I've always have disliked my dad, because he shows a good side once in a while but someone who just is nice once in a while isn't a nice person. So he's in the same pot as my mom, and I hate both of them.

I keep my brother out of the thoughts of everyone is stupid and mean because well, I've always protected him from it; taught him how to be strong and intelligent. Well I've never taught him how to be nice, and thats just because look where I am because of niceness. Well what about Anna, not much other than she actually thinks out her gifts, but refuses to actually think about me. For example, if I got a game I would still not have anyone to enjoy it with. Now I actually have been trying to spend more time with her, talk with her more. But I'll tell you what, it just doesn't work... discussion apparently is a skill she lost over a year ago and now can only report on things. She did have this Anime she wanted me to watch with her, it was one of those cute romantic rivalry mixed shit I love oh so much (questionable tastes lol), so I wanted to watch with her. But I chose not to because every fucking time I watch with her the only words that come out of her mouth are "next episode?". I would think that it would be able to spawn discussion or something, but no it doesn't. So even without me she opts to go watch it by herself. Proving my point she watches it for FIVE hours straight.

Christmas time is cheerful when the people you spend time with are also cheerful, which is just not happening for me. The people I'm spending my time with are greedy assholes who care nothing about anything non-materialistic. For those of you reading, I doubt I actually mean you unless I explicitly said so, its just that I don't really spend time with ya'll that much, and well I guess I just need family. Which I don't have.

Excuse me for the mile long rant up there, I just had to get it out. I feel a load better now; be back sooner or later with another post! Til' then I'm going to start up fifty downloads to hog the internet so my parents can't use it.

Insomnia? Whaa?

I can't sleep, story of my life hahaha. I blame it on being so close to Christmas time, I love Christmas; makes me all happy no matter how much everything sucks. I may do nothing but game, barely work, and blog; but I actually enjoy doing it a lot. Hell I'd be content doing this forever honestly, if only I could make a living off of gaming, barely working, and blogging.

Well well, I remembered to call my proby officer today cause I totally missed last weeks appointment. In case anyone forgot I have to go to a probation officer until February (9 months... woot woot!). Well its getting to be pretty big news because that means only two more months of living with such confining rules... Rules I don't even follow *shhhhh*. Its a good thing that my probation officer actually sees me as a good guy (which I am), and won't write me up even though I've missed like 5 appointments already. I'm still worried about it though, because the time I was in my cell, the other guy there was in there for breaching his own contract. So I'm trying not to go back. Beyond that, the other accounts I've broken are... Work or go to school full-time (or both part-time), Go to scheduled Psychiatrist appointments, Continue to take prescribed medication, and I think that's about it.. Also guys, don't worry; I'll be fine. I'm a smooth talker if the case arrives.

Rawr rawr rawr, do you all like tea? I've been recently drinking tea because it is easy and quick to make. And is a hot drink good for warding away the illness everyone here has. I mean seriously, I don't want to get sick; I may spend a lot of time at home but I like the freedom to go out and do things occasionally too. Not to mention I wouldn't want to get Lynds sick on her vacation here. Primarily I've been drinking Black and Green tea variants. I like black tea more, I don't think there is much better than simple Earl Grey. Also I feel very fancy.

Beyond that I have been keeping myself physically strong to fight off that damn feeling of getting sick, by basically doing a lot of combat practice. I see now that having a partner is actually really useful if you want to learn something, but hell all I want to do is not get sick so what the hell right hahaha. Either way my reaction time has gotten a lot slower and also my movement speed. While I doubt I'll get into a real fist fight, it does suck that I can't seem to do anything as fast as I used too. After all, in a fight speed is key. Being able to take a hit is one thing, but I pride myself more on my ability to parry and dodge more than anything. Sure I can take a hit, hit me as hard as you can I won't fall... but hit me again in the same place as hard as you can and I probably would. Get what I'm talking about?

Don't get me wrong though, I'm no real fighter; I can block, parry, dodge and strike really well but... I once actually sparred with a friend who trained in Jiu Jitsu. She was fucking ridiculous. Here's the deal, its all good for me as long as I'm a fucking ninja and don't really get hit. But oh my fucking god, if I make a mistake and she can put me on the ground, all of a sudden I can't move any limbs or breathe. Basically how we sparred was we would fight with our respective styles and we decided on how to decide on winner. Basically for me I had to hit a "win" area, similar to regular sparring. Her, being a grapple based art would basically assail me until I couldn't handle it. Sparring is fun, fighting... isn't so much ahaha, it has consequences.

Hummmmmmmmmm, well I'm getting more and more suspicious about this god damn stats for my blog. See, views from Russia for this month is actually making up 65% of my views, but when I look at referring sites I see obscure sites for things like travel and construction. Dammit, this all seems very phishy to me... and hell, I can't for sure know if my views are real or not anymore hahaha.

So ahaha, I have a pretty cool idea for a blog around Christmas time. I think it'll be pretty cool and I'll be taking almost an entire week composing it. It's going to be a fucking huge post, but a very cool one too I think. So um, if you guys have any really really cool ideas but don't have like your own blog, your own time or want to show whoever the fuck reads my blog, please PLEASE pass it to me. I like making ideas come alive.

Breathing breath breathe

Did your mind get baffafled trying to read the title? I know I sure sucked at making it.

First off, why do I now have even more poll votes; either people are really spreading the word about my blog; or I'm getting traffic from completely random places. Now that I think about it, since I've basically dropped off the face of the earth from everyone I once knew, they might be wondering about me. Honestly, this blog is the only place I actually communicate to you guys. Other times its people who text or email me.

Rararara, well today was a cool day, woke up at 12:30 so that meant I missed the time Lynds was going to call me. I check my phone and... uh yep. I call back and... no one's there. Hahaha, okay now I have no plans then. So for some reason I opted not to eat and instead to just lounge around for an hour. When the doorbell rang, of course I ran to get it (I'm the only one who isn't fucking scared shitless of people at the door here) and she decided to pay ME a visit. How nice, she totally took the hard part of me asking her to come here. So I made some food for her with whatever fresh food I could find (which was nothing, so I ordered delivery hahaha) and distracted her with food and tv while I ran downstairs and cleaned to the best of my ability.

After all what she wanted to do was to play games, and it's in my messy ass room with the random clothing everywhere. So since she's been at school for the past semester she hasn't played anything since the beginning of last summer; so she was itching to sink a few bullets (lady of the year). Surprise-a-flipping-tastic, she actually beat me; like beat me silly (30-4). Me not having lag to blame anymore decided to take that shit online, where she dominated again. I hate her.

I like the game that's for sure, but I want to do something else now that I got served. She's not real athletic though so there's no competition in that. Maybe we'll just bowl or something hahaha, either way it was a great day. I had to boot her at around 4 so no one would be like "omgwtfbbq girl in bedz! WTF BABEESZ?!?!!11!1one11". Hahahaha,  so now that I have more Christmas presents I'm all like (%_%) or like ($_$) or like (^_^) *congratulations on finding the right symbols in the dark&* (fuck).

Im confusing, random and I'm actually tired. So uh, YAYPECE! Dammit this post sucked. Well I'll try to actually DO something tomorrow so I can rant the shit out of it.

Nipple tape.

I don't know, I couldn't think of a normal title.

Good morning to all of you delinquents, I am currently writing a blog so I don't get yelled at. Naw, I think its awesome when people tell me how awesome my post is, it makes me feel better than I already do. So I left off last time just before the weekend so we'll dive right into the events of the days.

Friday night was eventful to say the least, in fact so eventful that even though I wanted to go to sleep around midnight, I still ended up sleeping at my usual time. What happened? Argument. About? Same old tune... the past. I finally got it past to her though that the reason why everyone is taking my side now is because they know all the sides of the story thanks to my incredible narrative. Also, hiding behind excuses vs. trying to fix problems; people generally pick the good Samaritan. Also, for everyone out there; a piece of wisdom: It is not about what has happened to you, or what you have done that shapes who you are... But it is your actions from now on. Just because you've had a shit life or ruined lives, doesn't mean you're a bad person. Its what you do that makes you who you are, I chose to go fix my wrongs when others would of just forgotten about it. Anyways, went on and woke up the next morning at about 11:30, delightful as I was planning to go around noon anyways, well thanks to women being slow as hell, it was more like noon-ish.

The day I would rate as fun for sure, basically after my incredible sense of direction led us there without a hitch; I was greeted by Nathan's sister, to my surprise; and apparently her surprise too (good or bad? dunnoo), I really like feeling like no one expected their day to become twofold kickass. So whaddup? Games, was definitely awesome. I like zombie games, they're definitely the coolest thing ever. Played a healthy amount of CoD, in which I clutched almost every single round until Nathan pulled a bullshhh recovery 14 rounds in with the Thunder. Later chilled with some Left4Dead2, which I say was fucking fun as hell with a second person (no one else likes the fucking game but me lol...)

Next was super chill ass basement, which apparently was rigged up for the sister's party (I'm sorry I don't know her name LOL) but we sufficed. Between darts, air hockey, drums, guitar, and pool; it was pretty fun. I of course actually took a game of pool, which is amazing since I've never really played much. Of course that was ONE game out of like seven hahaha. It was a great break from gaming for sure, and I like nachos.

About the time Nathan's sister's fat friends showed up we chugged upstairs, gamed a bit til the VGA's were on. Now I wasn't really expecting to watch it because I usually don't watch TV but it was pretty cool. Elder Scrolls V was the highlight for me, I could of cared less about the rest though hahaha. Maybe Uncharted 3, but considering I was bored of 2 after a week of playing and platinum trophying; I don't think I'll be buying. Halfway through was Pizza, in which I waded through like 12 people to get. Not saying that there was that many, I mean hell for a party it was small.

Day was pretty cool I'll say however. Now for the day after, which I still think is today because I haven't slept. I had tickets for the hockey game, but no one to go with. Shame. So I sold it to a friend for 30 bucks for both. Now I have money for hanging out with Lynds tomorrow.. so yay! We're just going to Deerfoot Meadows so I don't think there will be much to do; and we'll probably only hang from about 12 to 3, which for me is actually kinda short. I'm pretty reluctant on inviting her back here actually, Anna is already on edge ready to kill me and her; and well, I don't know when she's off work, and that she has a fuckin' bloodhound nose for sniffing out the most random scents. Or maybe I'm making excuses. Oh well.

Christmas is getting closer with only about 11 more days. I've gotten a good amount of gifts from others, which honestly makes me feel slightly bad because I didn't have enough cash this year to get them anything nice. But I'll make it up to them I'm sure, my conscience wouldn't let me live peacefully if I didnt haha.

I know the poll hasn't ended for this week yet, but wow seven votes already; that trumped last weeks. Anyways; leave a comment or send an email to chris.musico.o@gmail.com or contact me in any other way if you have an idea for the next poll. I love doing these polls and would love to do more than one, because I often have a tough time picking a topic. Back in 3 days to talk about the results of this poll, keep voting! =)

Im in a good moodie doo.

Hello ladies and gents, how are you all doing tonight? Been a while since I've seen you last, but boy have I been a busy bee; busy busy busy! Anyways since I stopped posting last week it was just because I had an exam to prepare for, which I honestly felt was a trainwreck. I just basically lost hope when I came to the final response questions. *Ahem* "A student is kneeling in a 6x6 metre room, this room is completely empty and completely dark. In this incredibly special room a 2cm diameter steel ball is rolling around, it does not make ANY sound, not even when it bounces off the wall. a) Find the momentum of the ball. b) Find the position of the ball at any given time. c) Why can't you find both at the same time?" Bang, its over I didn't even do that question I was so confused.

Beyond that I finished up Module 7 of physics, and now have only ONE left, LIKE OMG I THINK IMA PASS. So I bought presents and wrapped them (which I suck at) already, there isn't much because I don't have a lot of money. But I told myself that I would make Christmas work, since no one else in my family will. They celebrate it, just horribly; in fact they don't bother with anything, buy their gifts last minute (gum packs, and chips anyone?), and also are not cheery at all. I'm nearly bursting at the seams with holiday spirit right now hahaha.

To add to that another surprise came in on Tuesday night. Lyndsey called, said she was in Calgary! So the next day we hung out at Chinook mall, in which is now completely renovated so its like it was completely new. I had a great day no doubt, of course I had to basically keep it to myself because no one around here cared lol. Anna just had a fucking fit because she was a girl, and albeit yeah she's really cool. Shes a hell of a lot more nice, gives me tons of attention, similar interests, and when she talks its about cool stuff or discussing something instead of complaining. Regardless of the fact that we didn't already work out once, and that one of my friends already tried to set me up with her; I might actually like her. But she lives in Europe, damn. Hahaha.

Basically though I can really say that I am enjoying December so far, much more than I ever had; and while my parents and everyone else in this house pisses me off, I can deal with it. How do they piss me off? I'll give one example of each, you'll probably think its stupid lol. Anyways, in exhibit one my parents constantly stream all the asian shit they watch, and if you guys know how fucking large a video is you'll know that it hogs bandwidth. Now I know I don't need much bandwidth to play CoD, I played MLG over a 128k connection for a while and it was bearable. But when I jump around the corner, unload 20 shots, die, then on his screen I see that I only shot 2? And my parents stream that fucking shit ALL DAY in 1080p as well. So my measly 5mbps (which is only average speed btw), fucking does shit all for my play. So I'm forced to play after midnight, like I played an hour ago; and I was relieved to see that I didn't really suck. Scores of about 4-16, now became roughly 30-3... Delightful.

So what else have I got planned? Well Lyndsey is going for a ski trip this weekend so I can't plan anything with her til' monday, but I do have plans with Anna and Nathan; and while I'm not sure what we're doing. I know I will be well fed, and I'm bringing my zombies where I go. Im sure we can think of something fucking cool to do, we can drive anywhere after all xP. If not, his basement is 50x more chill than the Foreman's basement. Also he has a cool cat, and I enjoy the spectacle of him and his sister attempting to kill eachother everytime I'm there. My favorite is when he said something jokingly insulting, and for some reason SHE got pissed and it ended in (as I recall) a nuclear explosion. Fun times.

So yeah, that's basically what you need to know to catch up to my deal, all in all; I think I need to find a way to have a better Christmas, any ideas?

Oh also, poll results are in, and I'm surprised I have so many votes, I usually only have 1 or 2; but I have 6..? I don't even think I know that many people who read this blog. There's like 4 or 5 of you and 2 of you don't like to do anything. But anyways, it was close! Remember it was, what would you like to see more of?
 1. Advice and Philosophical Shizzzz
 2. What I'm thinking and Rants, Witty lines that make you laugh, Reader involvement
 3. Talk about girls even MORE
What's cool is that I can definetely follow through on that stuff, so get ready to see more of it! However whoever voted for the girls (kevin, who swears he didn't), I don't really have any current ways of meeting anyone; so it'll be tough (No job, no school, no club jumping lol).

AHHHCK. My mind is exploding.

I feel really tired right now, and even I myself am screaming at me "go to sleep!" but I'll tell you what, I can't for the life of me. I've been trying for the last hour and I don't know why I can't fall asleep. Even now I feel like I could just pass out while typing this blog, but you know what I still can't.

What am I thinking of, what is bothering me? Well, I keep remembering things that I didn't even know I would ever remember. They seemed so trivial at the time. Back in the day Erin used to come over to my house every week for guitar lessons, it was like a spiritual extension of our relationship (at least in my eyes). But even I knew it was dangerous, as she and I were no longer together. Remembering it now, we did a lot more than just the routine guitar lesson. Calling it back now I remember how simple things like playing a game or going to the mall, or teaching her bits of Kendo. Looking back now, I got scared, sad and other things that made me make poor decisions. I was starting to see that I had probably made the wrong decision, that choosing to break up with Erin was dumb. But I don't ever want to be wrong, so I pushed her away, our 6 hour long lessons turned into 2, then 1, then nothing. It wasn't ever about the money, it was about her.

If she could only read this now, what would she think. Well hell, I never really told her much of anything. But I'm not the kind of guy to easily accept my mistakes face to face. I guess my best chance is if she decided to read this lol. Oh, btw all of you who are still here and don't mind my whining. If you see a spelling mistake or a sentence that doesn't make sense. Its because I'm typing this with my eyes closed trying to sleep. Also I know that typing like this without my usual CAPITALIZATIONS and eccentric smileys and !'s that I might seem sad? I'm really not. I just remember it now and wish I could laugh with her about "the old times". But sheesh, if you guys want to know why she's been on my mind so much recently.. well let me spin you a short tale...

I know that Ryan will already know this, because back at the time we had just met and started talking about this stuff. Anyways, the reason its such a big deal is because that I had literally the biggest crush, now when I say this I seriously mean fanatical. As in I was giddy about her, I created quite a stir in my friends about this mysterious lady, and I even used my best friend as a spy. LOLOLOL sooooorrrry. I would constantly do things like poke him constantly to make a party (which I did before... because they're better than any I've ever been too lol) and make sure she was there. Everything. It took months before I almost worked up the actual courage to ask for her number hahaha. Yes you vultures (you know who you are) this was BEFORE that summer; I wasn't always THIS awesome.  Anyways, I'm all bothered by her because I let her get away, in fact I pushed her away onto a steamboat. Beyond that, I didn't treat her nicely either, always intent on 'masking' my actual bipolar feelings. In the end I made a choice, and thats the choice I'm wondering what would of happened if I chose otherwise.

To make it clear to you guys. I don't really care about this anymore, kind of moving on with this post I guess. Its been a long time coming, but to be honest... If I ever saw her again, I doubt that I would talk to her anymore. If she wanted to talk to me, then cool; I'd like that. But hell, I'm done. And you guys all know who the real loser and winner is in all of this. After all, I AM the prize... the crown jewel! YES I AM. WOOOHOOO, my ego is through the roof once again. BUHAHAHAHAHAA.

So I missed my lunch with Kate, Dan and the gang because I slept in, so they just think I'm a huge douche now hahaha. But other than that I really just procrastinated all the damn day. I really should START thinking about my future, about my life. About the classes I'm taking RIGHT NOW. But hell, who cares hahahahaha.