Happy Holidays 2010

Hello everyone, I do hope that Christmas and the otherwise holiday season has gone well for everyone. For me it has gone alright, suffice to say while I was disappointed by most people I still had a relatively good time; and to me I believe that it what I will remember.

In terms of presents I find that every year the joy of gift giving and sharing itself outweighs the presents themselves. While many would disagree with my motion that giving is better than receiving the holiday season still presents many with a collective sense of identity. We all have that one thing we truly want and never get, according to the poll I placed two weeks ago it is only natural. The number one answer was agreeably, a person. I myself have wished that before, and I even have this year; but even if we don't get that one gift it really is the hope that is really magical. 

Beyond that, I hope that everyone has gotten reasonable presents, nothing that would make one want to throw said present out a window. I myself have gotten (not surprisingly) a load of video games and related things and I am generally pretty happy with it all.

Recently I've been hanging out a ton more with Lyndsey and its been great. We had a little spat a few days ago because of jealousy is all. We're back to being a bunch of cool cats and she leaves this Sunday so we've been making the most of it. I don't think I've ever chatted with a person this much before. She introduced me to a piece of remarkable television called The Big Bang Theory. Chances are most of you already know about it, it is pretty popular apparently. If you don't there isn't much to know, its written in part by Chuck Lorre who has created "Two and a Half Men", and focuses on 4 very smart lads and 1 "normal" blonde. It is a frickin' hoot, and also appeals to me because its romantic-comedy feel to it. I had a lot of fun watching and talking with Lyndsey. I'm actually now caught up, it only took like 5 days too to go through 3 and a half seasons. So I guess I'll be watching it live now along with Glee.

I'm usually pretty distant from television as most of you know, but I've been thinking and I've been declining my gaming hours. When I first started living out on my own, I jumped to nearly 8-9 hours a day of playing video games and now I'm sinking to about about an hour a day. Back in the day when I had limited game time, I'd balance with my friends. But now since they're gone, I guess I've changed a bit to television. But rest assured, its not like I'll social hermit myself like the month before I went on vacation. I'm watching "How I Met Your Mother" next... largely in part to Lyndsey for recommending me.

I have decided and almost locked down what I hope to do up til' September. First is make Physics 30 my bitch, second find out what course(s) I need to take or retake to get my requirements, and lastly save up money to buy myself my own laptop. My entire family has basically failed to fulfill their promise to buy me a laptop for graduation, so I'll take it into my own hands. I've basically zeroed in on the XPS 14 after heavy debate between that and the Envy 14, and it basically came down to familiarity of keyboard/pad and also sound quality. I don't plan to actually buy until around summer when its closer to when I need it, so I'll check back in a few months and find what's similar.

As for the school, I've picked Mount Royal University; I'll be frank, I like Calgary and I hate how fucking boring UofA looks. Also Mount Royal has an apartment/townhouse style residence, which is more suited to me who doesn't like sharing his room with strangers. I could even tolerate the 4-person suite with a separate bedroom for me. So I'll be working hard; although I'm not sure if I'll be actually working... it really depends on how I feel. I also recently found that I might eventually need to drive so I'll work on that slowly too.

Alright, long-ish post finished. On a final note, I've noticed how I've seemed to fluctuate a lot between talking to the readers and talking to myself like a journal. 

Planning Ahead!

What's up people? As you all know tomorrow is Chrismas Eve and the next day following is Christmas Day! While I might be one of the only people actually excited for it, because everyone else is a clear douche, I found it doesn't make it any less exciting.

Anyways to further prove that my parents are dickbags, my dad wanted to talk to me. It was basically about the fact that I'm turning 18 and he will no longer be responsible for me, I withheld my smart ass comment about how stupid he is for not knowing that legal responsibility ends when the child is 16. He continued to say I will have to pay rent to continue living here. I also withheld my comment that the only reason I'm living here is because I was too nice not to burden anyone with my problems and also that it was free for me to live here. If it comes to the point that I have to pay rent to live with my parents I am leaving, I don't care where. Then the third thing, he said however he will support me if I go to University, I withheld a giant fuck you when I heard that. Because whenever asked, my parents would always say that they would support me no matter what I do. Not that it really mattered to me as I personally want to go to University, but I actually believed them. After all thats what parents do right.

Well fuck them, I've already started to plan. The first step will be to finish my Physics course with the highest grade possible, then go to CBELearn to find out what I need to gain admission. I plan to attend UofA, because I like Alberta but want to get away from my intoxicating family. It is in Edmonton about 3 hours north of here. After that apply to the faculty (the requirements are much lower now that Psych merged into the arts),  and apply for residence. Residence is the easiest part but also the part that I'll stick it to my parents "support". You see, I can live with a roommate, I don't like the idea but I can do it; and I was going to last year to help my parents out so they don't have to pay too much. They're stupid though and just believe everything I say, I'm just nice not to abuse it. So I'm going to probably apply for a single room, I'm still nice enough not to splurge another thousand to get a private bathroom as well, but I sure could.

If they actually live up to their promise to "support" me, then they're in for a ride. Tuition will be roughly $6600, residence single /w bathroom (lol) $5300, required meal plan (most expensive for lmaos) $3300. Do the math but that's a lot of money hahahaha. About roughly $15000 for the year, its about as expensive as American colleges to be frank; but I'm in Canada so I guess education is funded better. Of course I also have a backup plan, I've saved enough money to pay off the difference between the double room and single room, and if I go back to Barry and ask for my job I could make a lot more. I'll have to, because my parents are cheap; and I've seen nothing in terms of generosity either. 15 grand is no laughing matter, but through careful planning and financial aid I could actually pay it off myself. My marks are too low to get a good scholarship but at least I can apply for financial aid (even though my parents are cheap isn't a good excuse haha).

Thats the plan, I'm going to stick with it. Also, you may not know but I was planning even more costlier travels. Such as UCLA, Berkeley, and even foreign secondaries. But in the end I settled on here, I really have nothing left in this city; but I don't want to go too far away either. Oh and I need a laptop, I basically use Anna's all the time, so I'll need my own once I leave. My aunt, parents, and everyone else in my family said "If you graduate high school I'll buy you a laptop"; Where's my laptop? Anyways, more and more is pointing for me to get my job again, I guess I will have to so I can buy the things I need.

Anyways, I hope that my plan doesn't go awry, and I hope you guys enjoyed (at least somewhat) my rant. That's really all that's important to me right now, I've got to go to a party in like 3 or 4 hours so I'll probably post another soon.

There is like 5 days left!

Hey everyone, how the hell are you? Past few days have been decently eventful at most, but I actually delayed writing about it because I was working on my new years blog post. Fair warning though that it will be gigantic, and like most of the content on here; it will be written for me. So my advice would be, read the first paragraph which will explain what it is, and read it if you want to. If not, haha whatevs.

Over the past few days sleep has been a very silly thing, I actually fell asleep at 9pm one night and woke up at 5 the next morning. Then I decided to stay up til 4am and sleep til now, which is 4 pm. The main reason I switched back to a late sleeping schedule is because my Dad came home from work, which basically means the internet is hogged all day long until after midnight. So if I want to get in my half an hour of Call of Duty or even write a blog then I generally have to stay up.

Inevitably I'm finding myself more and more filled with hate, its a sad and horrible thing to say but I can honestly say that it is true from the bottom of my heart. Now I can't really say that any Christmas for me has been optimal, and that really only last year was good at all... but it really shows that one person can make that difference for someone else. I've been trying to keep my spirits up but the people around me show no regard for others, no sense of giving and no cheer. In fact I went upstairs to greet my father when he came back from work and he started yelling at me about the University refund that never went through, I explained that he didn't call them back with the credit card number and he refused that it was his fault and it was instead mine. He told me to get the number so he could call them, and I said alright and started going downstairs to get it, but he wouldn't stop fucking talking my ear off about it, then he decided to complain to my mom who no shit gets on his retarded side, and even after I explain to my uncle the situation he's on their side. Well fuck, I'm just trying to be nice and get everything in order as fast as possible and everyone just wants to bash on me. I've always have disliked my dad, because he shows a good side once in a while but someone who just is nice once in a while isn't a nice person. So he's in the same pot as my mom, and I hate both of them.

I keep my brother out of the thoughts of everyone is stupid and mean because well, I've always protected him from it; taught him how to be strong and intelligent. Well I've never taught him how to be nice, and thats just because look where I am because of niceness. Well what about Anna, not much other than she actually thinks out her gifts, but refuses to actually think about me. For example, if I got a game I would still not have anyone to enjoy it with. Now I actually have been trying to spend more time with her, talk with her more. But I'll tell you what, it just doesn't work... discussion apparently is a skill she lost over a year ago and now can only report on things. She did have this Anime she wanted me to watch with her, it was one of those cute romantic rivalry mixed shit I love oh so much (questionable tastes lol), so I wanted to watch with her. But I chose not to because every fucking time I watch with her the only words that come out of her mouth are "next episode?". I would think that it would be able to spawn discussion or something, but no it doesn't. So even without me she opts to go watch it by herself. Proving my point she watches it for FIVE hours straight.

Christmas time is cheerful when the people you spend time with are also cheerful, which is just not happening for me. The people I'm spending my time with are greedy assholes who care nothing about anything non-materialistic. For those of you reading, I doubt I actually mean you unless I explicitly said so, its just that I don't really spend time with ya'll that much, and well I guess I just need family. Which I don't have.

Excuse me for the mile long rant up there, I just had to get it out. I feel a load better now; be back sooner or later with another post! Til' then I'm going to start up fifty downloads to hog the internet so my parents can't use it.

Insomnia? Whaa?

I can't sleep, story of my life hahaha. I blame it on being so close to Christmas time, I love Christmas; makes me all happy no matter how much everything sucks. I may do nothing but game, barely work, and blog; but I actually enjoy doing it a lot. Hell I'd be content doing this forever honestly, if only I could make a living off of gaming, barely working, and blogging.

Well well, I remembered to call my proby officer today cause I totally missed last weeks appointment. In case anyone forgot I have to go to a probation officer until February (9 months... woot woot!). Well its getting to be pretty big news because that means only two more months of living with such confining rules... Rules I don't even follow *shhhhh*. Its a good thing that my probation officer actually sees me as a good guy (which I am), and won't write me up even though I've missed like 5 appointments already. I'm still worried about it though, because the time I was in my cell, the other guy there was in there for breaching his own contract. So I'm trying not to go back. Beyond that, the other accounts I've broken are... Work or go to school full-time (or both part-time), Go to scheduled Psychiatrist appointments, Continue to take prescribed medication, and I think that's about it.. Also guys, don't worry; I'll be fine. I'm a smooth talker if the case arrives.

Rawr rawr rawr, do you all like tea? I've been recently drinking tea because it is easy and quick to make. And is a hot drink good for warding away the illness everyone here has. I mean seriously, I don't want to get sick; I may spend a lot of time at home but I like the freedom to go out and do things occasionally too. Not to mention I wouldn't want to get Lynds sick on her vacation here. Primarily I've been drinking Black and Green tea variants. I like black tea more, I don't think there is much better than simple Earl Grey. Also I feel very fancy.

Beyond that I have been keeping myself physically strong to fight off that damn feeling of getting sick, by basically doing a lot of combat practice. I see now that having a partner is actually really useful if you want to learn something, but hell all I want to do is not get sick so what the hell right hahaha. Either way my reaction time has gotten a lot slower and also my movement speed. While I doubt I'll get into a real fist fight, it does suck that I can't seem to do anything as fast as I used too. After all, in a fight speed is key. Being able to take a hit is one thing, but I pride myself more on my ability to parry and dodge more than anything. Sure I can take a hit, hit me as hard as you can I won't fall... but hit me again in the same place as hard as you can and I probably would. Get what I'm talking about?

Don't get me wrong though, I'm no real fighter; I can block, parry, dodge and strike really well but... I once actually sparred with a friend who trained in Jiu Jitsu. She was fucking ridiculous. Here's the deal, its all good for me as long as I'm a fucking ninja and don't really get hit. But oh my fucking god, if I make a mistake and she can put me on the ground, all of a sudden I can't move any limbs or breathe. Basically how we sparred was we would fight with our respective styles and we decided on how to decide on winner. Basically for me I had to hit a "win" area, similar to regular sparring. Her, being a grapple based art would basically assail me until I couldn't handle it. Sparring is fun, fighting... isn't so much ahaha, it has consequences.

Hummmmmmmmmm, well I'm getting more and more suspicious about this god damn stats for my blog. See, views from Russia for this month is actually making up 65% of my views, but when I look at referring sites I see obscure sites for things like travel and construction. Dammit, this all seems very phishy to me... and hell, I can't for sure know if my views are real or not anymore hahaha.

So ahaha, I have a pretty cool idea for a blog around Christmas time. I think it'll be pretty cool and I'll be taking almost an entire week composing it. It's going to be a fucking huge post, but a very cool one too I think. So um, if you guys have any really really cool ideas but don't have like your own blog, your own time or want to show whoever the fuck reads my blog, please PLEASE pass it to me. I like making ideas come alive.

Breathing breath breathe

Did your mind get baffafled trying to read the title? I know I sure sucked at making it.

First off, why do I now have even more poll votes; either people are really spreading the word about my blog; or I'm getting traffic from completely random places. Now that I think about it, since I've basically dropped off the face of the earth from everyone I once knew, they might be wondering about me. Honestly, this blog is the only place I actually communicate to you guys. Other times its people who text or email me.

Rararara, well today was a cool day, woke up at 12:30 so that meant I missed the time Lynds was going to call me. I check my phone and... uh yep. I call back and... no one's there. Hahaha, okay now I have no plans then. So for some reason I opted not to eat and instead to just lounge around for an hour. When the doorbell rang, of course I ran to get it (I'm the only one who isn't fucking scared shitless of people at the door here) and she decided to pay ME a visit. How nice, she totally took the hard part of me asking her to come here. So I made some food for her with whatever fresh food I could find (which was nothing, so I ordered delivery hahaha) and distracted her with food and tv while I ran downstairs and cleaned to the best of my ability.

After all what she wanted to do was to play games, and it's in my messy ass room with the random clothing everywhere. So since she's been at school for the past semester she hasn't played anything since the beginning of last summer; so she was itching to sink a few bullets (lady of the year). Surprise-a-flipping-tastic, she actually beat me; like beat me silly (30-4). Me not having lag to blame anymore decided to take that shit online, where she dominated again. I hate her.

I like the game that's for sure, but I want to do something else now that I got served. She's not real athletic though so there's no competition in that. Maybe we'll just bowl or something hahaha, either way it was a great day. I had to boot her at around 4 so no one would be like "omgwtfbbq girl in bedz! WTF BABEESZ?!?!!11!1one11". Hahahaha,  so now that I have more Christmas presents I'm all like (%_%) or like ($_$) or like (^_^) *congratulations on finding the right symbols in the dark&* (fuck).

Im confusing, random and I'm actually tired. So uh, YAYPECE! Dammit this post sucked. Well I'll try to actually DO something tomorrow so I can rant the shit out of it.

Nipple tape.

I don't know, I couldn't think of a normal title.

Good morning to all of you delinquents, I am currently writing a blog so I don't get yelled at. Naw, I think its awesome when people tell me how awesome my post is, it makes me feel better than I already do. So I left off last time just before the weekend so we'll dive right into the events of the days.

Friday night was eventful to say the least, in fact so eventful that even though I wanted to go to sleep around midnight, I still ended up sleeping at my usual time. What happened? Argument. About? Same old tune... the past. I finally got it past to her though that the reason why everyone is taking my side now is because they know all the sides of the story thanks to my incredible narrative. Also, hiding behind excuses vs. trying to fix problems; people generally pick the good Samaritan. Also, for everyone out there; a piece of wisdom: It is not about what has happened to you, or what you have done that shapes who you are... But it is your actions from now on. Just because you've had a shit life or ruined lives, doesn't mean you're a bad person. Its what you do that makes you who you are, I chose to go fix my wrongs when others would of just forgotten about it. Anyways, went on and woke up the next morning at about 11:30, delightful as I was planning to go around noon anyways, well thanks to women being slow as hell, it was more like noon-ish.

The day I would rate as fun for sure, basically after my incredible sense of direction led us there without a hitch; I was greeted by Nathan's sister, to my surprise; and apparently her surprise too (good or bad? dunnoo), I really like feeling like no one expected their day to become twofold kickass. So whaddup? Games, was definitely awesome. I like zombie games, they're definitely the coolest thing ever. Played a healthy amount of CoD, in which I clutched almost every single round until Nathan pulled a bullshhh recovery 14 rounds in with the Thunder. Later chilled with some Left4Dead2, which I say was fucking fun as hell with a second person (no one else likes the fucking game but me lol...)

Next was super chill ass basement, which apparently was rigged up for the sister's party (I'm sorry I don't know her name LOL) but we sufficed. Between darts, air hockey, drums, guitar, and pool; it was pretty fun. I of course actually took a game of pool, which is amazing since I've never really played much. Of course that was ONE game out of like seven hahaha. It was a great break from gaming for sure, and I like nachos.

About the time Nathan's sister's fat friends showed up we chugged upstairs, gamed a bit til the VGA's were on. Now I wasn't really expecting to watch it because I usually don't watch TV but it was pretty cool. Elder Scrolls V was the highlight for me, I could of cared less about the rest though hahaha. Maybe Uncharted 3, but considering I was bored of 2 after a week of playing and platinum trophying; I don't think I'll be buying. Halfway through was Pizza, in which I waded through like 12 people to get. Not saying that there was that many, I mean hell for a party it was small.

Day was pretty cool I'll say however. Now for the day after, which I still think is today because I haven't slept. I had tickets for the hockey game, but no one to go with. Shame. So I sold it to a friend for 30 bucks for both. Now I have money for hanging out with Lynds tomorrow.. so yay! We're just going to Deerfoot Meadows so I don't think there will be much to do; and we'll probably only hang from about 12 to 3, which for me is actually kinda short. I'm pretty reluctant on inviting her back here actually, Anna is already on edge ready to kill me and her; and well, I don't know when she's off work, and that she has a fuckin' bloodhound nose for sniffing out the most random scents. Or maybe I'm making excuses. Oh well.

Christmas is getting closer with only about 11 more days. I've gotten a good amount of gifts from others, which honestly makes me feel slightly bad because I didn't have enough cash this year to get them anything nice. But I'll make it up to them I'm sure, my conscience wouldn't let me live peacefully if I didnt haha.

I know the poll hasn't ended for this week yet, but wow seven votes already; that trumped last weeks. Anyways; leave a comment or send an email to chris.musico.o@gmail.com or contact me in any other way if you have an idea for the next poll. I love doing these polls and would love to do more than one, because I often have a tough time picking a topic. Back in 3 days to talk about the results of this poll, keep voting! =)

Im in a good moodie doo.

Hello ladies and gents, how are you all doing tonight? Been a while since I've seen you last, but boy have I been a busy bee; busy busy busy! Anyways since I stopped posting last week it was just because I had an exam to prepare for, which I honestly felt was a trainwreck. I just basically lost hope when I came to the final response questions. *Ahem* "A student is kneeling in a 6x6 metre room, this room is completely empty and completely dark. In this incredibly special room a 2cm diameter steel ball is rolling around, it does not make ANY sound, not even when it bounces off the wall. a) Find the momentum of the ball. b) Find the position of the ball at any given time. c) Why can't you find both at the same time?" Bang, its over I didn't even do that question I was so confused.

Beyond that I finished up Module 7 of physics, and now have only ONE left, LIKE OMG I THINK IMA PASS. So I bought presents and wrapped them (which I suck at) already, there isn't much because I don't have a lot of money. But I told myself that I would make Christmas work, since no one else in my family will. They celebrate it, just horribly; in fact they don't bother with anything, buy their gifts last minute (gum packs, and chips anyone?), and also are not cheery at all. I'm nearly bursting at the seams with holiday spirit right now hahaha.

To add to that another surprise came in on Tuesday night. Lyndsey called, said she was in Calgary! So the next day we hung out at Chinook mall, in which is now completely renovated so its like it was completely new. I had a great day no doubt, of course I had to basically keep it to myself because no one around here cared lol. Anna just had a fucking fit because she was a girl, and albeit yeah she's really cool. Shes a hell of a lot more nice, gives me tons of attention, similar interests, and when she talks its about cool stuff or discussing something instead of complaining. Regardless of the fact that we didn't already work out once, and that one of my friends already tried to set me up with her; I might actually like her. But she lives in Europe, damn. Hahaha.

Basically though I can really say that I am enjoying December so far, much more than I ever had; and while my parents and everyone else in this house pisses me off, I can deal with it. How do they piss me off? I'll give one example of each, you'll probably think its stupid lol. Anyways, in exhibit one my parents constantly stream all the asian shit they watch, and if you guys know how fucking large a video is you'll know that it hogs bandwidth. Now I know I don't need much bandwidth to play CoD, I played MLG over a 128k connection for a while and it was bearable. But when I jump around the corner, unload 20 shots, die, then on his screen I see that I only shot 2? And my parents stream that fucking shit ALL DAY in 1080p as well. So my measly 5mbps (which is only average speed btw), fucking does shit all for my play. So I'm forced to play after midnight, like I played an hour ago; and I was relieved to see that I didn't really suck. Scores of about 4-16, now became roughly 30-3... Delightful.

So what else have I got planned? Well Lyndsey is going for a ski trip this weekend so I can't plan anything with her til' monday, but I do have plans with Anna and Nathan; and while I'm not sure what we're doing. I know I will be well fed, and I'm bringing my zombies where I go. Im sure we can think of something fucking cool to do, we can drive anywhere after all xP. If not, his basement is 50x more chill than the Foreman's basement. Also he has a cool cat, and I enjoy the spectacle of him and his sister attempting to kill eachother everytime I'm there. My favorite is when he said something jokingly insulting, and for some reason SHE got pissed and it ended in (as I recall) a nuclear explosion. Fun times.

So yeah, that's basically what you need to know to catch up to my deal, all in all; I think I need to find a way to have a better Christmas, any ideas?

Oh also, poll results are in, and I'm surprised I have so many votes, I usually only have 1 or 2; but I have 6..? I don't even think I know that many people who read this blog. There's like 4 or 5 of you and 2 of you don't like to do anything. But anyways, it was close! Remember it was, what would you like to see more of?
 1. Advice and Philosophical Shizzzz
 2. What I'm thinking and Rants, Witty lines that make you laugh, Reader involvement
 3. Talk about girls even MORE
What's cool is that I can definetely follow through on that stuff, so get ready to see more of it! However whoever voted for the girls (kevin, who swears he didn't), I don't really have any current ways of meeting anyone; so it'll be tough (No job, no school, no club jumping lol).

AHHHCK. My mind is exploding.

I feel really tired right now, and even I myself am screaming at me "go to sleep!" but I'll tell you what, I can't for the life of me. I've been trying for the last hour and I don't know why I can't fall asleep. Even now I feel like I could just pass out while typing this blog, but you know what I still can't.

What am I thinking of, what is bothering me? Well, I keep remembering things that I didn't even know I would ever remember. They seemed so trivial at the time. Back in the day Erin used to come over to my house every week for guitar lessons, it was like a spiritual extension of our relationship (at least in my eyes). But even I knew it was dangerous, as she and I were no longer together. Remembering it now, we did a lot more than just the routine guitar lesson. Calling it back now I remember how simple things like playing a game or going to the mall, or teaching her bits of Kendo. Looking back now, I got scared, sad and other things that made me make poor decisions. I was starting to see that I had probably made the wrong decision, that choosing to break up with Erin was dumb. But I don't ever want to be wrong, so I pushed her away, our 6 hour long lessons turned into 2, then 1, then nothing. It wasn't ever about the money, it was about her.

If she could only read this now, what would she think. Well hell, I never really told her much of anything. But I'm not the kind of guy to easily accept my mistakes face to face. I guess my best chance is if she decided to read this lol. Oh, btw all of you who are still here and don't mind my whining. If you see a spelling mistake or a sentence that doesn't make sense. Its because I'm typing this with my eyes closed trying to sleep. Also I know that typing like this without my usual CAPITALIZATIONS and eccentric smileys and !'s that I might seem sad? I'm really not. I just remember it now and wish I could laugh with her about "the old times". But sheesh, if you guys want to know why she's been on my mind so much recently.. well let me spin you a short tale...

I know that Ryan will already know this, because back at the time we had just met and started talking about this stuff. Anyways, the reason its such a big deal is because that I had literally the biggest crush, now when I say this I seriously mean fanatical. As in I was giddy about her, I created quite a stir in my friends about this mysterious lady, and I even used my best friend as a spy. LOLOLOL sooooorrrry. I would constantly do things like poke him constantly to make a party (which I did before... because they're better than any I've ever been too lol) and make sure she was there. Everything. It took months before I almost worked up the actual courage to ask for her number hahaha. Yes you vultures (you know who you are) this was BEFORE that summer; I wasn't always THIS awesome.  Anyways, I'm all bothered by her because I let her get away, in fact I pushed her away onto a steamboat. Beyond that, I didn't treat her nicely either, always intent on 'masking' my actual bipolar feelings. In the end I made a choice, and thats the choice I'm wondering what would of happened if I chose otherwise.

To make it clear to you guys. I don't really care about this anymore, kind of moving on with this post I guess. Its been a long time coming, but to be honest... If I ever saw her again, I doubt that I would talk to her anymore. If she wanted to talk to me, then cool; I'd like that. But hell, I'm done. And you guys all know who the real loser and winner is in all of this. After all, I AM the prize... the crown jewel! YES I AM. WOOOHOOO, my ego is through the roof once again. BUHAHAHAHAHAA.

So I missed my lunch with Kate, Dan and the gang because I slept in, so they just think I'm a huge douche now hahaha. But other than that I really just procrastinated all the damn day. I really should START thinking about my future, about my life. About the classes I'm taking RIGHT NOW. But hell, who cares hahahahaha.

Should I even bother going to sleep hahaha.

Hello to all of you from my words at 5am. I'm still not asleep! WONDERFUL. I actually lost track of time talking to Janelle, because at the time it was like 8pm there so we could talk un-inhibited. So I am honestly debating whether or not to sleep right now, I do actually have things to do in the morning hahaha. Even though my roommate's excessive moving sure makes it impossible to even concentrate on this blog. Might just have to smack a bitch, =O.

Anyways one thing that has surprised me about my blog, is that I actually started posting again without telling anyone, and nobody knew about it but Ryan (the one who wondered why I stopped). For some odd reason, I now have MORE readers than I did before. Also, to add onto that almost ALL my readers from before hopped back onto my blog posts. I am surprised; even more so that today alone I have more views from RUSSIA than I do in CANADA where I LIVE. Also this week I have more views from Europe (where I have no friends hahaha) than I do from the USA (where I do have friends lol). What's even more amazing is when I switch to ALL TIME views, the third most country which views my blog is actually Russia. No doubt, I love the internet, people who never even met me are actually following my life? Wow. In case you guys wanted to know specifics, in order of views it goes: United States (WTF LOL), Canada (hahaha fail), Russia, Germany, UK, Brazil (o.o), Poland, Israel (...what?), Latvia, and the Netherlands. Also cool is my most read post is also my shortest, and most whiniest. Most read at 109 views w00t w00t!

So you know whats been on my mind lately? Other than the sudden popularity rush, its like I'm foreign or something. I actually thought about going and getting my job back... Suffice to say they actually love me, and after I actually bumped into the District Manager in Chinook Mall, he was happy to see me and specifically told me that I should just talk to my old manager to get my job back. Now I'm thinking a bit on it, while the job restricts my freedom, it would also give me the money to travel, buy gifts, and most of all EAT. I know I seem spoiled or something rejecting a job when no one else can get one, but seriously. If you know me, you know I can't commit to ANYTHING. 3 months at my jobs and I'm ready to shoot myself to get out. Bah, I need VARIETY. Or easy money, like if I could make 6 figures off of this blog then I would be set. Gahaha, fat chance lol; for one I've only made 11 bucks in the entire lifespan of this blog, and its impossible now that I actually REMOVED the ads... XP.

Also this might seem weird, but I wish I had someone... (oh god not this shit again!)... to cook for. LOL seriously that's what I actually wish at this current moment. You should know I hate my family and all, but I miss that time when I actually loved cooking for others, and also the time where everyone was like OMFGWTFBBQ YOU CAN COOK? I remember one time when my parents were on holiday, and I took a girl named Corill back to the house and made FROM SCRATCH fettuccine alfredo, which is quite a feat to the ladies. I know my chef friend in particular is going to scoff and be all like "Fettucine? I could make Ambrosia from my own blood!" but to that I say DAMN that's TOO GOOD. Anyways the point of the story is not what happened after that, which was totally g-rated like watching spongebob and diving into a pool full of sharks; but the point actually is that I felt just fucking wonderful because she would always just stare in awe like I was lifting a house or something.

Oh wow I talk a lot don't I. Also talking about food at 5 AM makes me really damn hungry, so I think I'll try to stuff it with sleep or something soon hahaha. I'll be responding to comments (uh, comment.) Yes well, I think that I am wonderful and you should all give me presents. No seriously I want 20 presents for me under my Chrismas tree. Or 20 Slaves.

Guess she's an Xbox, and I'm an Atari

Another great evening for a 2am blog post. Holy hell am I a night hawk or what. Weekend's came to a close now and I have to say what a relaxing weekend. I bought some gifts already for two people, and I sure hope they enjoy around Christmas time. So anyways today was like "everyone who hasn't talked to Chris in a while, talk to him all at once!" day. Ahaha, that makes me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside. So anyways I was just enjoying my morning cup of tea and staring out at the vast amount of snow outside the window when my phone buzzed. That began my day.

"Hey there! How are you doing? How's the girlie friends?" was the first one. I swear I had a stalker at first, because I didn't recognize the number. Then I remembered I cleared everyone off my contacts while in Sydney. Speaking of which I guess I'll get side-tracked and make things more clear later, kay guys? Anyways, after a while of playing who's who, I found out it was Brittany Bacon, it took a while because she was content on leaving it at "Its Brittany, your ex" which confused me. Brittany is a common name after all, and so we talked about things and caught up. I never really answered her question about the girlfriends, but there isn't much to answer. I don't have any, I love being single; doing what I want, when I want. I did say the same thing 6 months ago though when I became single LOL. So we chatted things up, promised to make plans and all. It was very pleasant, she was obviously very happy with her life as it was going; so someday I'm going to meet her and her girlfriend Logan, and well I'm sure that will be a hoot.

So a piece of news that I'm particularly happy about is that someone else talked to me today that hasn't talked to me in a year and a half. Lynz! The majority of you don't know her, and only if you been a big fan of me since forever would you actually know. She was my next door neighbor ever since I moved here to Riverbend back like ten years ago (WOW LONG TIME). So anyways around lunch time (what would be dinner time for normal folks) my phone rang. Yes actually rang, its been ages since someone actually CALLED me. I'd like to say I recognized the voice right away but no I didn't, also I'm surprised I actually picked up because the area code was real foreign. I'd also like to say I kept my cool during the call but I didn't I was kind of hyper and walked everywhere. Anyways, so she's coming back to Calgary for a family visit over the Christmas holidays. I am so fucking ecstatic, I finally learned the reason she never talked to me after moving. She moved to Verona, Italy and has since been going to school in the University in Venezia. I'm jealous, SERIOUSLY. When she finally got a laptop and internet there was around the time I closed my Facebook, so she simply couldn't find me. But she said she got my number off of one of my friends. Can't wait DOODS

Last but not least, I don't know if you guys have actually noticed, but when you leave comments on my blogs I actually respond to them in that area too, I hate not replying so chances are I replied to your comment. I do remember back when I responded to a comment through MSN, but those times are kind of over because Ryan constantly gives me an earful about me never leaving comments anywhere lol. The only comment I probably never responded too was one that Ryan left a while ago "I remember Central 7! Haha those girls were hot!" And to that I say, yes they are good sir; yes they are.They were and probably still are the envy of all the school.

BEYOND GETTING SIDETRACKED LIKE I HAS ADD, a couple of blog posts ago I had anonymous respond to one of my blogs. Anyways, it turns out its a girl and that she knows me. The problem is that although I have an idea of who it is, ms. Mysterious Lady is being very cryptic. Saying that she still is my friend, meaning that we had issues before (big surprise eh lolol) and that she's checking on how I'm doing; which could mean she wants to kill me. EEP. Or not. Haha, I can think of a few girls who might still think of me occasionally, want me dead, or just want to fuck with me (NO). Then again I can think of one particular immature teenager that would just do it for shits and giggles. So basically, Ms. Mysterious Lady; if you really are a lady haha, you have caught my attention; which as of late is hard to do. Grats I'd give you a cookie if you'd reveal yourself. LOL.

Oh and someone asked me if I could explain why I choose the titles I choose. Well, I'll explain my most recent ones.

Just up'in there frontin' was something that a friend said that made me laugh, why did it make me laugh? Because she was clearly trying to be black/cool (not sure LOL) when she's not.

Hello mysterious Man/Lady was a direct reference to the mysterious lady who made an appearance in the comments of the last post.

Hello Everybody Once Again isn't very interesting other than the fact that I sat on this title for about a minute wondering why I chose to capitalize every word (yeah I'm that odd).

Hello Pictochat I love doodles is just fucking random, I thought pictochat and doodling and gave birth to the title. Then I thought about what you guys would think, but to be honest I haven't even used my DS in like 3 months.

Guess she's an Xbox, and I'm an Atari is a lyric from a song, and not me being fucking whiny in a witty way LOL. If you guys have the time or want to listen to a nifty song, check out "Fuck You" by Cee Lo Green. If you want the radio-friendly one, then check out "Forget You" if you do want to look at Forget You then I suggest searching for the Glee one, since its much better than Cee Lo's forget you.

So that's what's going on with me today everyone, I guess I'll see you tomorrow!

Hello Pictochat I love doodles.

I'm starting to think that I'll never be able to find a specific blog post if I keep writing random titles. Whatever. Hello world, it is currently 2:05 AM right here in Calgary-land, and I should be asleep! But I'm not, so I'm going to post this blog like I have nothing better to do.

My sleep schedule is pretty messed up right now and continuing to be so, because I'm not taking a single step in changing it. In fact today I woke up at noon because my brother woke me up so he could show me that he got 100% on challenges in BlazBlue for one of the characters, that's terrific because those challenges are so goddamn hard I cant honestly do very many of them myself. So I went upstairs, brushed my teeth, ate some below average food... To you douches who think that I'm an ass for disliking food someone else made for me, well If I wasn't so damn lazy waking up extremely late and the food wasn't already made for me I'd make my own food. Which tastes better and the omelettes don't have slices of hot dog and other assorted plants inside of it, and a heaping of 3 month or more old cheese frozen and unfrozen a hundred times. ANYWAYS, after that I was tired so I went back to sleep for 3 hours.

Phew, okay so I woke up and lol'd at the time I spent asleep so I decided to pop onto the internet. My weekends are usually dull as I'm at home with my family so all I really want to do is hide in my room. Which is perfectly fine. So I popped up the laptop and to my (very minimal) surprise I was bombarded by messenger messages and the like. I don't mind the attention, in fact I LOVE it, so I take the nice where have you beens very nicely. My favorite people to talk to currently, because I am so arrogant that I can pick favorites, have to be...

Dan because all he does is complement me and say how godlike I am, and how much he's turning into a mini-me. Which is totally cool because I'm the pinnacle of human evolution and all. I gave him advice constantly over the past few years about things like popularity, girls, and general sociality. Back then he was pretty hostile but after taking my advice and me just fucking ignoring him, hes a lot more cool; and humble. Which is good, humility is a good thing when talking to your superiors. GAHAHAHA.

I also enjoy talking to Ryan, mainly because he keeps me on track with the good stuff; like running this damn blog; which I know is like medicine to some of you so thank him. He's another guy who's gotten a lot of my advice, but is not even close to what Dan got from it. He became a much better human being altogether, he's kind, fun to talk to and more than everything actually has a good brain in his head. So basically all in all, I taught Dan how to be like me in a social sense; and Ryan how to be awesome. Don't get me wrong though, Ryan's not wallpaper at being sociable either, he just lies a lot less than Dan. If its Ryan who's reading this though, don't inflate yourself just yet.. you're still a moron compared to me. GAHAHAHAHA.

I'm too awesome. I'm going to take a chill pill now because I feel like I'm on crack right now. And tomorrow I'll probably want to delete this post. GAHAHAHA.

Anyways I was bored so I decided to add more onto this post after reading my email. Someone sent me a couple of questions through email! YAY. If you guys didn't know, I love answering questions, whether or not you want me to post the answers to them on my blog is your choice, I won't post your name. Send it off to chris.musico.o@gmail.com ; anyways!
What's your favorite place to visit in sydney?
Nice question, I like the way you don't capitalize Sydney. Anyways I'm tied between the Opera House which is just flipping beautiful and cultured, or the piers. The water just looks so clean and it is awesome having a dinner at night on the pier.
I know you said you met some people while you were there do you still talk to them?
The only person I still talk to is Janelle, I in fact talked to her today over the internets; one thing I found really cool is that University classes allow you to have things like cellphones and laptops so I basically get to talk to her as long as she's awake. She's a pretty cool person.
what do you think of long distance gfs?
I think its cool? Well, its a pain in the ass to be honest. Never go for one unless you see each other often. Like every weekend often. What happens is (at least for me) you miss them so badly that eventually it becomes that you just feel lonely, and when that happens you tend to cheat on them. Also you tend to make up for lack of personal time by talking to them via phone and internet, which can eat away at your free time. So I think no no.
what christmas gifts are you going to get people?
Well, to be honest I never really gave a lot of Christmas gifts to people. Just because I don't know what to get them, thats why I usually only give them to the people I really care about. Money is tight right now for me, for obvious reasons; but I'm trying to get a lot of gifts regardless. Nostalgia is the theme I'm trying to go for, for some people. Other than that taking them out for a nice day is a great idea. I like to hang out with people I usually don't, take a tour downtown on a snowy day, go to the zoo and stuff.

Okay so that was my first time answering questions, I hope I didn't bore you guys haha. Anyways I did notice I turned every question into like an advice thing, guess thats just how I am. Like I always say, if you don't like it don't read it, and then tell me about it; my blogs are way too fucking long anyways.

Hello Everybody Once Again!

Hmmm, an hour past midnight. I remember this was when I usually posted a blog; usually its because my roommate would be asleep by this time as is the case. I figure you guys like it when you can wake up to a new post every morning, which makes me feel happy inside hahaha.

So some of you must be dying to know what I've been up to, what I've been thinking. Also, some of you harass me through email and offline messages that I don't talk about "this" and "that" enough. Well, honestly you guys have a right to full anonymity just drop down to the comments and drop one anonymously. I have no way of telling its you and no one else does either. Problem solved.

So what have I been up to recently? General web surfing, schoolwork, and games is what. I've been frequenting games more than anything, and keeping tabs on what I play is almost impossible. In the past week alone since I've been back, I've played Assassin's Creed Brotherhood, Red Dead Redemption: Undead Nightmare, Gran Turismo 5, Call of Duty: Black Ops, Fire Emblem, Megaman Zero, and a bunch of assorted flash games.

At least one of you is thinking, what about music? Why haven't you talked about dusting off the ol' guitar and serenading your hot neighbor yet? Well two reasons, one my hot neighbor moved away over a year ago get with the times and that I haven't really felt like it. My musical ability is up to the point I can play whatever I want, and what I want is to record a song. More than that I want to collaborate with someone, I tried back in the summer to get Erin to do a song with me, but that didn't work out because she started ignoring me. Doesn't mean I pulled off of music though. I've been listening intently to a lot of good stuff. Mostly modern some oldies, but right now I'm in love with "I'm Yours" by Jason Mraz; it reminds me of the good old days and you know... warm days.

One more issue I want to talk about is what University/College should I attend next year? I could go with my original plan of UofC but I don't know if I should just go somewhere new? I recently found out I fucking LOVE travelling so maybe its best to leave this city behind? I don't know, what do you guys think?

On a darker note, some of you might of seen through the happy sunshine vacation like I have and forgotten about what I sometimes remember. The reason why I even went on the vacation in the first place. I'll be honest. It was meant as a vacation at first, at first I meant to run away, to start a new life; I learned that there are things in my past just meant to stay buried and I've been trying my best to forget about it. So if you bring something up about "that one time" and I don't remember... its because I forgot about it, or I really want to. This doesn't mean don't talk to me about anything, it just means don't push me. For example, about 3 years ago I found a story that I loved, I followed the author intently waiting for the next sequel. The story was about a guy kinda just like me, the story is very happy at times and very sad at times. I just remembered this story and decided to check on the author to see if he wrote the next sequel. When I started reading, all of a sudden all the memories came rushing back; I started remembering the sad parts in the story, related to the sad parts in my life; to the horrific.

So I hereby promise to never ever, reminisce about anything that could even relate to something not remotely happy.

Hello Mysterious Man/Lady.

Hi everyone, posting another wonderful blog post today because I know you all love it. Also going to post up a poll about something so vote away. So Thanksgiving was yesterday in the USA, and Canada doesn't have it so I wasn't able to fatten myself up as much as I wanted to haha =).

Soo the topic today I guess would be expanding on what I talked about last time; since some of you wondered a lot of things. They were relatively about what else I did on vacation; you forgot to finish your thought on Brittany and Erin, and other things like that. So I guess I'll fix that shit up kay? =P.

Okay so an expansion of what happened with Brittany and Erin was that I texted Brittany first asking for help (I never really do this) because she was majoring in Psych. She wasn't very much help but told me to be honest, wow I never thought of that (seriously). So I texted Erin about the same deal, and got a favorable response and wasn't ignored. At the time I had serious breakdowns, I just wasn't me anymore and my life was running itself into the ground.

With Brittany I just kind of stopped talking to her, and she stopped talking to me. We basically both figured that we were done, that it was too awkward. I won't go into details but basically she slept with someone else while we were dating; and I basically took revenge in a kind of mean way months later. If you want to know details then ask me personally; I don't think she would be happy if she read this.

With Erin we talked for a while and she basically gave up on me. Well not exactly true but she pushed me further into the hell I was in (Until I met Janelle). We stopped talking after that, which wasn't a big deal to me anymore because I found that we had everything we could ever really have together. A relationship that I actually really wanted (even though it was rocky), a best friend I could have fun with, and lots of fun times which I can't talk about because I said I wouldn't (tehehehehe =) ). So yeah, I basically stopped talking with the both of them, I still wish I could hang with Erin because I had such a huge crush on her once upon a time; and it would be cool to relive that feeling. But I'm fine without it, its a pleasure unneeded.

Anyways, what else did I do on my vacation? Lots of tourism, lots of learning about the culture there. For one, its a lot more fun to walk down the street there than it is here. Its so vibrant, and the people are really fun to talk to. I met a girl and her nice family when visiting the Opera House for a play; they were really nice and showed me around the area around the opera house too. The opera house is the big thingy in Sydney that everyone has seen before in case you were wondering. I made so many new friends on the pier restaurant as well, as they were having a birthday party that I basically butted into. I did keep a journal while I was there too, but honestly it just has juicy details that only some of you care about. Still it was quite possibly the most fun I've EVER had. I never thought that travelling alone would be fun, and it would be terrifying but, if you have the social skills... a foreign country is the best place to use them xP.

Just up'in there frontin'

Heellllooo my extremely diminished following. Its been 2 months since the last post and some of you know where I went and some of you don't. Vacation. I figured it was about time that I had gotten one, so I spent that money that you know does nothing, pulled a string or two for a discount; and took a fucking vacation. If you're offended that I didn't tell you, then just know I didn't tell anyone about it. Unless they asked me.

Not because of my ego, but because it costs money for me to text out there. I ended up buying a international card so I can text for a while. The smart people, emailed me; some others texted me. But I'll get to that later. So anyways, I up and went off to Sydney. Always wanted to go there, and it was a better time then any seeing about how the chill was starting to roll in at the time. Over the course of being there I learned a lot about myself.

So the texts that I did send out were because I was trying to fix my wrongs, I figured that I can't just run away and forget about my problems, so I contacted the people I was avoiding for help. I asked Brittany and while she didn't help much she gave me some hope, and I talked to Erin who I was finally able to vent to. My problems were being thinned but they didn't go away. Not until I heard some keen advice.

I went to a local cafe late morning on a Tuesday to freeload the internet and figure out what I could do and thats where my life was basically turned around. I was going to buy coffee as well because jet lag has since forced it on me to stay alive. The line was large, incredibly large for a time so close to noon. Kind of irritated I voiced my confusion on the fullness of the small cafe. Lucky for me, there was a girl in front of me who turned to me and explained why. Basically the cafe was full around this time because class had let off about 10 minutes ago at the University.

Anyways the girl was cute and dressed fashionably despite looking a little warm in contrast to the hot weather (in my opinion). She already talked to me and the line was large so I figured why not keep talking. So we did, I found out she went to the University herself as a Philosophy major first year, and she found out I was foreign because of my distinguishably different English. We talked a while more, she elected that I walk her back to the campus, so I did. We talked about tons of things, our lives and everything like that, I dispelled as much preconceptions and myths she had about the west as she did for mine. I of course left out all the bits that made me look bad, but I'm guessing she did the same.

So the hour quickly ran past us and she had a Psych class to attend, so it was time for me to go explore campus. But she invited me into the class, which made me pretty happy to say the least. And it was there that I heard the words that set my life back on track. The lecture was on happiness for one, and I was really into the lesson. I still have notes I jotted down in my laptop. What hit me hard was when he distinguished a life of meaning, and a life of happiness. That if one chased after a life that has meaning to others, then they in turn became less happy. A life of happiness came from living in the moment. He also said "A happy person, has an active social life; be it with one person or twenty, they are surrounded by those who feel like the main attraction is you."

From there, all made sense. I read my blog again, and my journal and I found that I became more and more depressed the more I tried to gain that life of meaning. To reach University, to better myself; but none of that was done for myself, they were done for what others would think of me. I wanted to become a doctor so others would respect me, to better myself so that others could praise me. But I didn't do things for myself anymore,  I did them for the future. I realized you don't have to stop reaching that meaningful life to be happy, but that by being happy in the present; reaching that goal is just that much easier. And when I think of it, I did just meet a cute girl, go vacation where I wanted to, and go to University. It was a good day.

So I had a pretty good time after that, I literally rolled in my bed for half an hour smiling that night. From then on, I went all around touring Sydney, with Janelle and her friends or meeting other people to go with. I was never alone, and I realized that I don't have to ever be. So now, I'm back again; and I can't wait to go on another vacation. But I'll wait, for the summer at least. Australia has been cut off my list, my next destination? Probably Rome, Venice, Tokyo, or Paris.

This is my 50TH post!

Yay.

Just to let you guys know this post is probably going to be my longest yet. I'm going to be updating it through the day. So you can check back every few hours; or just wait til' tomorrow to get the full article. I'm going to make use of hide tags to separate sections. I'm going to try to do everything on that poll there at least once in this post. Tune in!

I want to let you guys know I'm writing a bunch of songs, its making me feel a bunch better just singing about all the crap in my life. To everyone else though I'm afraid that they'll think I'm too sappy or something (too late? lol) so they'll probably never see any publicity. When I'm finished something I'll only give the track to people who want to hear my atrocious singing =). Once I get my recording dongle back, I'll record like a beast.

I feel delicious.

I needed a title. Don't blame me if this post has nothing to do with anything. =)

So how's it going everyone? I'm sitting here just chilling out... I'm kind of hungry too, so I'll probably make something soon... cause I can cook. So I just realized its Monday, and that reminds me of the times when everyone hated Mondays, when I hated Mondays. Now all of a sudden, I can't even tell the difference anymore everyday feels the same.

Recently I've been ripping up through the video games again, I feel like I haven't really gamed for so long; at least not competitively. I have been playing casually at the same rate though. After the Modern Warfare 2 stage which really didn't last long because I was one of the only people (at the time) that actually thought it wasn't much fun. After Modern Warfare 2, I bought a game called Blazblue: Calamity Trigger; its a anime-esque fighting game that is loads of fun. Fast paced is the pace I love and this game delivered it; I bought it on the Xbox 360 for the controller's analog, which made my time easier but Anna and my Brother both complained because they don't like change or some shit.

Anyways, after that was Street Fighter IV, or more specifically Super Street Fighter IV. I loved the game, although I was never that great at it... but it did hold me over to Blazblue's Sequel. Blazblue: Continuum Shift was released at the end of May, and I jumped on top of that game right away. Once again I love the game, but I didn't play it as much as I did the first one... I guess the novelty of fighting games was starting to wear off. I am still excited for the DLC characters they're releasing. There are only 3 DLC characters planned for Continuum Shift; a squirrel lady named Makoto who's already released, a shape-shifting werewolf butler named Valkenhayn Hellsing, and a girl with a 3-way multiple personality disorder (an obnoxious boy, a kind girl, and a superhero) named Platinum (or Luna, Sena, and Trinity respectively).

So basically when the fighting games stopped, I stopped playing all together; I was too concerned with the happenings of my life to really care about games anymore. However I did download Starcraft II a few weeks after it was released. I played it for about... 2 hours? Guess I'm not as much as a conformist as I thought. I mean I only put in about 1 day of gameplay time into Modern Warfare 2 compared to Tony's 33 days.

So where am I now... well I downloaded Steam, and played the hell out of Dragon Age: Origins and am currently playing the Awakenings expansion. After that I played a very fun game called Plants vs. Zombies, its cute as hell and fun as hell. Then I got Civilization IV, which I love; the games take about 4-5 hours to finish but its pretty chillax. Then I got Total War: Rome bundled with the Alexander expansion, haven't played much of it honestly because I'm kind of not into real time strategy now, even though it is unique. Then I got Mass Effect, and I was wowed, this game is definitely my favorite right now, even though I'm pretty bad at it. Then last but definitely not least is Counter Strike: Source. I get horse raped whenever I play online, but I'm slowly getting better; I can see why its the most played FPS of all time.

An ongoing game for me has been... it deserves its own paragraph... but I'm not going to give it one. In fact I've decided I'm going to review every fucking game I've mentioned that I actually have played. Why not eh, it'll give me something to do. If you guys don't want to read it... then don't! Its going to be very opinion based and I'm going to probably rant for hours about something stupid and irrelevant like Lego.

Wow, I've sure typed a LOT. But moreover, now I've given myself some time off from gaming I'm ready to leap back into the FPS mode. Not even that but back to how I used to play. Some of you may know that a few years back I was MLG Pro on Call of Duty 4; I operated under a PSN ID I don't use anymore but its K/D and W/L are well over 4.0.

To clarify, an MLG Pro is NOT someone who gets paid for gaming (I wish), there are people like that in MLG however, but they get paid through sponsorships. I got sponsorship offers too, but they turned out to be from 12 year olds who wanted to ask me how to get into MLG lol. An MLG Pro plays in the Pro Circuit, essentially it is a tournament for a specific game. I got into MLG because of my accuracy and survival alone made Search and Destroy games an easy win. I was first in MLG as a freelance player and only hit the Pro Circuit when I was recruited by Team EnVyUs.

After a few scrims and the first batch of qualifiers, I quit MLG. There were a few reasons; first and foremost, I had friends and school and that took too much of my time. I didn't have the sponsorships or the money to actually travel to Las Vegas for the tourney. I hated that pressure I felt when I played an MLG game, that someone was going to watch the footage later and scrutinize me. And Lastly, I'm not a team player. I don't talk very much, and I often ditch my team and go an opposite direction. My team-mates didn't like me, they kept me because of skill alone.

After I quit, they went on to win the Silver Cup in Vegas, I was kind of pissed I couldn't be a part of that but I lived. Now, I want to get good again; after playing so long I can barely get a 1.5 K/D let alone my 4.0. I DON'T want to go MLG Pro again or play competitively, I just want to get that good again lol. So if any of you wonder where I am; I'm playing CoD. LOL

I'm still a casual gamer at heart though! I love playing the game for the fun of it, and I hate it when people cry that they suck. Okay I've ranted long enough about games; I'm still waiting on my Tritton's to get in the mail so until then I'm not going to play much. I found out I learn best at night, but at night is when people bitch at me for my volume being too loud. The Tritton headset I'm getting basically feeds the sound into the headset, so I can play as loud as I want. Okay, so til' next time.

PPCCCEEEE

Wow that was a long break

So a few days later I'm back. All the stuff I said about everything, including my feelings is true. But I've still decided to continue writing this blog; regardless of how pointless I feel it is. My reason for continuing is a little silly I have to admit but I might as well tell you guys.

I've mentioned Ryan before, my little disciple Ryan (I need to give him a prefix or something to distinguish him lols). Anyways, the guy has headfirst followed every single piece of advice I had ever given him, never has he really questioned it other than for understanding. So a day after I said I'd be going off because I couldn't find the help I sought, he emailed me. Suffice to say I didn't even read the email til today, I was actually kind of fearful.

Now I understand the reason why people are so reluctant for my advice; they feel that they are maybe not ready to leave their crappy state, that getting help from someone else is just a shortcut and that they need to tough it out on their own to learn their lesson. Most of all, I felt like I didn't want to get better.

So I thought about it for a while; and haha I loaded up this posting page before I even started reading that email. Throughout my thoughts I figured that the best person to give advice to me was me; and I know how I help people. So I thought I might as well skip a stage and try to write, try to cheer up a bit. Force myself to do something. Damn that kid, he's becoming a menace; too good. I have two choices, continue teaching him the rights and wrongs I've lived... or kill him. =)

So for now we'll see how it goes... now for the actual what I did part of the blog...

Yesterday, I went to a party in west hills, it was thrown by a friend of Cadence; and she invited me so I figured what the hell. I basically stuck with her the whole eve, but she forcefully introduced me; after a while I found myself settling back in to that "charm" everyone is always talking about. I didn't leave with a number or a girl on my arm *gasp*; but I did feel a lot better about myself. Around 10pm my Co-Worker Chrissy (lol) texted me; this is pretty crazy since not many people text me just to talk about random stuff.

I enjoyed my conversation with her, I'm starting to like her a lot; her personality is fun like Ashleigh's. A girl that looks like a do-good but shes really kind of badass once you get to know her. I'm not going anywhere close to saying I actually like her, and I figure that she's trying to get my attention. I might sound arrogant thinking she already likes me, but honestly; the whole 'I don't know' thing with Alex really spun me around.

Allow me to give everyone some good advice. If you think she likes you, or someone else thinks so... or both... She probably does!


So do yourself a favor and learn from my mistake. Go for it before its too late; as I was kind of attempting to discuss with Anna earlier, unless a girl thinks that you're the prince charming; she's not going to stay interested in you for long. Just how long? Heres the problem. Usually most of us guys get the confidence to ask a girl out, or show that we like her when we get comfortable... however this is not good... because by the time guys get their confidence, is the time they start losing interest... THATS when you start hearing things like "I was just being friendly" and "I'm not interested in that right now". So unless you really disgusted her (trust me you'll know...) she'll have at least the smallest bit of interest in you.

Let me break it down for you... whenever we see or learn about something new, it almost always catches our interest, if only just for a little while. That's the time to make yourself look good... show off that charm, that humor and the interest grows. Then you just have to have the confidence to show her that you like her (or tell her!). Sound familiar? It should... that's exactly how you make a sale in retail as well.

Hope that blew some minds out there.
Sorry if I seemed to decide all of a sudden to become a love guru. I just figure that, well this was the part of my life that caused me the most grief. And I don't want ANYONE I know to go through the same shit. The world of dating and girlfriends is so unknown at first, I'm just lucky enough to have gone through so much already so I figure I might as well just guide you guys down the path too lol.

If you want more shit like this, tell me. I love to talk about this. I of course post at my own rate but I'm sure it will help some of my readers, and they'll want a lot more. *AHEM* Kevin *AHEM*.

So I`ll write something later but for now, this is what I got.... lol.

See you soon o.o

Last post for a while.

Its true.
I don't really know what I can say.

Recently I've been feeling down in the dumps; lost my self-confidence and such. At first I tried to get it back, but I figured that I couldn't do it on my own. When I found that I had no one to turn to, I figured if I made amends and fixed all the wrongs I've done to others then maybe I'd gain that confidence back.

Now, the LAST thing I ever wanted to do was get my confidence back, just so I can start an endless cycle of hot chicks again. I actually wanted to fix my problems so I can become a new, better person. I feel as though I have reign on my hormones now and no longer will hunt sex like game.

But, no one buys it. I always thought my relationships and even my flings ended well. I guess I didn't think of what would happen after they looked into my life a bit. So its all gone, I even officially lost Erin. That was a blow to the heart; I thought I'd helped her recover from the mess I made; but I didn't do anything did I.

Anna crushed what little hope I had left after that. She incessantly reminded me of the horrible things I had done, and made me feel that no one would ever offer me the penance I seek. Devastated, I feel as though; right now... I'll just finish my school; play games constantly; and hide from the world.

I feel abandoned by everyone; no one knows how it feels to devote their life to helping others, only to find that no one will return it when they need it.
I just needed someone to talk to, someone to help me work things out; to find me a purpose.

This blog is suspended indefinetely; at least you guys know. Maybe someday I'll find myself, but I'm just lost now.
If you want to contact me, anyone who still knows my number can find me there; otherwise email me. Chris.musico.o (at) gmail.com.

Bye from Chris.

I might never sleep.

I feel as though its going to be another late night; haven't been able to get much sleep, but for some reason its not phasing me. My senses are heightened and I'm more agile than usual, I feel the occasional pang of tiredness but other than that I'm fine.

So as if I was cursed from mentioning my hope the University called today saying that, without the Physics 30 course on my transcript I would be denied admission. Its finalized now, my student centre has me in no more classes and my application is canceled. I don't really know how to feel about all of this, but I guess I'll just have to find something to motivate me.

Motivation, thats what I need. It was what pulled me out of so many abysmal moments before, my own motivation to do what needed to be done. Usually my motivation would be competition with someone I liked, such as the reason why I did so remarkably well in Social Studies (my all-time worst class). Through Second Semester I drained all my self-motivation and in doing so lost so many things.

My personality, charm, and self-confidence were the first to go. That furthermore caused tensions with the people around me, I was no longer myself. This made it worse obviously. But the fact that I feel like now I've hit the bottom, it might be time to build myself back up again.

That's basically all for this post, and for those of you that are wondering; I'm not actually going to cry for days about University; honestly between that and losing my Childhood friend, my Best friend, and my Girlfriend.  I'm done whining.

If someone thinks they can SERIOUSLY help me out, find my way; teach me how to be me again... please do. My mind has actually forgone a clean wipe.

Whoa Whoa, quick edit in here. Blogger just informed me of this SICK feature where they can take the contents of my Blog and publish it into an actual BOOK. Now THAT is what I call cool, when I think of my title I'll be sure to post all final drafts onto a new blog. I doubt any of you would really want a hardcover (or softcover!) of my lame book, but it'll give me a sense of accomplishment. So yayayayaya

The Future? Nah, too complicated.

One thing I haven't been doing much in my life recently that I always have has been thinking about the future. I don't think about the past anymore, just because I've forgotten it so well. Now it might be time to begin thinking about my future. I need to know what I have to do; I'm not the kind of person to just sit around and let things happen.

Surprisingly, I still hold much faith in my almost forsaken admission. While the University HAS received my final transcript, my admission is still hovering over the maybe section. FOUR days from the first day of classes. Either they aren't doing their jobs right (lucky me) or I really do have divine intervention on my side (lucky me =D). Basically the school has about 3 days (Today, Tomorrow, and Friday) to email me my confirmation or cancellation (or update it on my student center). If they don't I might just throw a party. 

Even if its short lived IF my admission goes through even in the slightest I'm attending classes as normal. I at least want to SEE what my classes are. =). Just to portray my excitement and sate your curiosity I'm going to post my schedule here. A little haphazard but my schedule works around me well.

  

Psych 205, Japanese 205, Greek & Roman Studies 209 (Mythology), Philosophy 279 (Logic), Astronomy 207

Not going to even bother posting the times for my classes since they vary day by day. For example, my Monday starts at 9:00am with Psych 205 and I finish with Logic at 4:15pm. Seems simple enough; other than the fact that my Psych and Japanese class are spaced out nearly THREE hours apart. o_o. My Tuesday doesn't even have Psych so I don't start til' 1:00pm, then the other messed up part about my Tuesday is that my only other class is Astrology. 

BASICALLY if that was confusing for you. I have Psych about 4 times a week (50 mins), Japanese 5 times a week (50 mins), Greek & Roman Studies 3 times a week (50 mins), Logic 3 times a week (75 mins), and Astrology 2 times a week (75 mins). 

So technically I go to classes for maybe 3-5 hours a day; at random times during the day. If I didn't live on campus that would be hell. Speaking of which I still don't know who my roommate is. Whoever she is, she's probably enjoying the room to herself since move in was 2 days ago. I'll go check now...

Well the Residence Services paired me up with someone alright but... its using screen names, so right now all I know is that I'm in the newly renovated building sharing a room with a krcd92. Thanks for the vagueness and the utter inability to stalk beforehand. >_>. I'll surprise him/her (no way to tell now) hopefully on monday when I randomly show. 

I've been recently feeling like crap about everything, but all of a sudden I feel good; don't know why its like someone gave me a hug and made me feel better. So in the meanwhile I'll say what I have planned for finishing my High School courses. As far as I know, I'll need to take 2 courses to sate my requirements; since I lost out on one credit from CommTech. Physics 30 is like set in stone so I'll need something else; I'm thinking Psych, since that would make sense? Then depending on how University pans out I may or may not have to retake something like Math. 

At this current point in time... 5:36am; I don't think I actually will go to sleep. Will just stay up now... Yep. What to do... I'm cold. Guess I'll just sign on to Msn and hope one of my contacts is on; but of course I did the ridiculous task of diminishing my friends list from 212 to 5, so it'll hard.

Either way I'm basically done talking for now so k'peace.

Oh and I don't know if any of you remember Central Seven? If any of you do you'll remember the scheme everyone thought of for me to take them down. Apparently it caused quite the buzz at the time, and they were actually trying to find me. They genuinely thought that I was going to sleep with 7 total strangers just to break up some clique? Still, doesn't hurt to know that for some random reason, my legend spread to central even more when I left. 

Also, apparently a girl who is now a Senior claimed to actually of known me, and slept with me. I know for a fact I never did anything of the sort with someone from Central, I was very deliberate. But, my sources are reliable... but it still makes me go wtf.

God I feel like I could keep writing forever. But I won't. At least until I get back from... another story for another time. LOL I got to learnt to stfu.

Greetings again

I don't know what's going on anymore, or even why I'm bothering writing this. My mind is swirling with thoughts right now I can barely organize one into writing.

I almost kicked Anna out today after she bitched at me for completely trivial things and not allowing me my own decision in things; of course I eventually caved and said she could stay with me again. I'm just not strong, I don't have anyone else to turn to. While she may be a shitty source of support, she's the only one I even have left.

The fight resulted in me deciding not to go to work; shitty idea obviously. I'm scared to look at my phone. I plan to quit, well not really but I guess so. I really need to get my life on track before I can go back to a job that makes me talk to strangers. So I guess I'll have to resign from my job after all. At least then I can focus on school or some shit right?

The second is I god damn wish I had a car. If I did then I could make life a tad bit more enjoyable; I'd be able to stop wasting so much damn money on delivery and take-out foods, and I could get new furniture instead. Maybe a place to put my clothes instead of the floor.

That's basically all; a short rant. So I guess I'll see how tomorrow turns out.

Rawr!

Hello everyone!
I was originally thinking for about 3 days about how to explain why I was gone for so long; but the second I started writing... I started to feel... happier. Someone really needs to force me to write everyday; its like a drug I can't live without.

So... I haven't wrote anything because I've been down in the dumps. So before you start thinking that this will be a five page wall of text saying what I've been doing for 2 weeks; I really haven't done anything. Kaitlyn talked to me one night on messenger. The conversation was brief; a one way conversation. Just what you would probably expect from an impersonal method of conversation.

Her words bit.
  "I don't love you anymore." and "I only came on to tell you to stop talking to me."
It didn't make my life any easier.
No, it didn't.

I'm a pretty strong willed guy; believe it or not. I could of gotten over the shock in maybe a week, but Anna's been getting to me too. More and more arguments make me realize just how wrong I was in choosing her; bring up the wrong topic, touch a wrong button and you get one cynical comment after another. Its finally happened; I have actually lost everyone.

When I have the day off and she doesn't, which happens often because I'm a lazy bastard (a fact she won't let me forget); I dread the moment when she comes home. Surely enough, when she does I get a barrage of complaints and overall pessimism. The feeling is akin to the one I felt when I was living back in Riverbend; when I was waiting for my mother to return. They are alike, but different. What my mother has in hatefulness, Anna has in pessimism. Qualities in which I do not hold close.

Alas, I am not strong enough; not anymore. Not strong enough to just say no and have her leave my life for good. I still need to cling onto someone for support. Even I am worried about myself, in a way the old confident Chris only comes out through writing; in life I am prone to breaking down.

I am not without resolve however. I am now working on myself to rebuild what I have lost. Confidence in one's self begins with one's confidence in appearance. Something which I have not had very much help on in a long time. A while ago, I was helped through my utter laziness and into a healthy lifestyle by Ashleigh and Kaitlyn, now that they are... gone, I have almost no one.

However, I've been siphoning though my black book ringing up numbers for at least a month now, often just talking; not as many meet-ups as Anna would believe. There's one girl though, Cadence; who I have had over three times now, who I think might be the one. The one who can bring me back, she complements me where I should be, and provides constructive suggestions as to what I should do when I need it. She's like a conscience. Her and I are working to get me back to picture perfect form like in Summer 07/08 but even better.

I'm far from being a cruel man however, no matter how much I am hurt. I'm helping Anna, achieve her latest goal, which she rarely has, to become a model. I know a few things here or there about models, so I offered my help; of course it was rejected, then reluctantly accepted after I claimed I had help. I asked Cadence, naturally she was pretty and I figured her being a friend of Trisha that she would be affiliated with the industry somehow. So Anna will get where she wants; I after all, never disappoint on helping another.

School... I've honestly haven't thought much of it. I get a shock to the brain anytime I think of the future, and I draw a blank when I pull at the past. Right now, not much of a plan but I'm going to CBE-Learn to take online courses to satisfy UofC requirements for 2011. What courses? I don't know hahah.

Only other news is my story. I haven't wrote a word of chapter two. I know I should and I have 2,3, and 4 planned out already; but I just don't feel into it... I'll find a reason to sooner or later. There hasn't been much demand for it.

Til' Next time.

Posting my update! =)

So I've actually been busy, *Gasp*. Mostly damage control, Anna read this blog; suffice to say she wasn't pleased. So after a long chat about what I've really been up to over the past few months, we're better off. In fact she was the one who suggested I update the blog.

Okay, so another issue right now is University. I know that I have beyond slim chances of getting into University this year considering that I failed Physics. I've been leaving it up to fate to decree whether or not I make it in this year, but move in is next week; and I believe classes are too. My admission is still tentative, waiting on my physics mark to be finalized so they can consider it. I really should just email the lady back and tell her the truth, but maybe I'll get lucky...

Move in day is on Monday, yeah its that close. If I somehow get in, I'd have to pack up everything really soon; but if I don't... well I have a lot of other things to worry about. Such as getting in for next year. But this means I might lose Kaitlyn forever.

Anyways, I know I haven't posted Ch2, I've been immensely busy and will get on that really soon. It'll be done by tomorrow most likely. Just to let you guys know, the chapter is about going to DH High, meeting Dawn; and also the first day of classes.

Also I've been getting questions on just how long the story will be. The story will be long, I have divided the story into 3 parts. These cover Ben's high school year. Each Part will have 10 or more chapters (probably more) but less than 30.

For those of you wondering what will happen to Ben after High School? You'll just have to wait and see, I have nothing planned out. Currently I have all 3 parts roughly sketched, but only Ch2 fully developed ready for print. I have work soon, so I'll end this hear.

Til next time!

Mind is shutting down.

First thing I want to say before we start, apparently 5 of you think I'm a pedophile if I say hello; so don't expect me to talk to anyone anymore... just kidding. The most interesting part I found was that 7 of you voted, so I blame it on people who cheated and voted more than once or Google spy robots.

Next Chapter 2 is going to be a little delayed because my mind has been recently melting for no reason. I honestly can't remember much anymore, it all seems so hazy. I can barely remember living at my parents, living with Anna. When I will my mind to think of something it just seems to melt and give me nothing. So, while I have an outline ready for Chapter 2, I don't expect it to come out at the rate I've been doing them. I however will at least TRY to get it out by the end of Sunday.

Another note, I'd like to thank you guys for leaving comments; I love them. I too am happy that I'm in a better mood these days when writing. Although I'm still kind of gloom and doom when I'm by myself. Also, saying that my life is often better than TV is a really nice complement. Thank you.

Hopefully work refreshes my mind, since I'm going back tomorrow.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm getting a bunch of other problems too, all which started today. I'm barely hungry, I ordered a pizza and 10 wings today. I ate 3 slices and 6 wings only, since I got it at noon. So like 1 slice and 2 wings a meal. Wow. Also I'm tired constantly, like unbelievably tired; but I can't sleep. I do get my 8 hours but I can't sleep. It should also tie in with this, I also managed to lose nearly all the muscle mass I had on myself; and now don't have the energy to do anything.

Lets hope for a miracle. It seems like all I'm doing these days is hoping.
Maybe its time to consider that University really wasn't in my reach this year... and plan for next year.
Or maybe, I'll try a new approach and hope my 'luck' pulls me through.

Two posts in one day? OMFG

I decided to write another post for a few reasons. One, I got my responses back for Ch1 and I wanted to talk about it. Two, there is really nothing for me to do; time moves by so slowly. Three, I feel good dununununununun.

So, that aside my first piece of news is about my freshly released First Draft Chapter 1. I am so surprised, and SO pleased to say that all went well! I got word back from my pre-readers and barely anything was knocked on. Just some clarity issues. Also, a good point came from Nathan that the characters don't really have faces. Its true, I've been shying away from character descriptions. But, I really should try harder to give them faces.

This first draft has turned out so well that I am forced to delay a second draft until after I complete Part I. There just simply isn't enough that needs to be changed yet. After a few chapters I'm sure we'll find more to add, remove, edit.

Besides writing today I've been fairly focused on video games. I'm really getting bored with games, I really feel like I should have something else to do. I searched through steam today trying to find something I might want to play on PC. After hours of searching, I found Splinter Cell; all my life I've heard about it from Lyndsey, and others but I never played it. Then I realized I had the Conviction demo on my Xbox. I played it and I must say, it is REALLY awesome.

Other than that, all I have to really say is. I really need to go outside.

OH YEAH, I completely forgot but about a month ago I got a credit card, Yay! Now I can pay for things above $100!

First Draft CH1 is hot off the blog!

Yes its true, I finally finished the first real Chapter. I intended it as a pilot chapter, to kind of test the waters of my writing style and other features.

Beyond that I'd like to formerly thank my readers.
You guys are the greatest.

I haven't really been doing much, school is basically done for me now and I don't have work. So I sit here with nothing to do. I would of finished Chapter One yesterday but Anna and I got into another argument, as always she was furious and I was completely calm; adding to her anger. Anyways, I basically established a new rule for my writing "A happy Chris writes a lot better than an unhappy Chris."

Now, I wanted to focus on some of your guy's comments, and yes I actually DO read them. I just don't like to reply in the comments box, I'll either do it by actually contacting you privately or respond through these blog posts.

So, I want to thank Ryan for noticing some formating issues when I copy my chapter from Word. The text for all the dialogue was an entire size smaller, making it very annoying to read. I'm surprised he even continued to read it.

I'd also like to thank both Nathan for noticing how I edited the story to be less whiny. Yes, I originally wrote the story with a lot of concerns and that made it seem whiny. Since then I've gotten better, and revised it. Ben is not a depressed silly like I am, and will probably never be. This story has evolved far beyond my own life story, and I think that's really good.

Also, Blogger has a new stats feature which I think is really cool. I get to see all the stats for my blog. For instance I can see where people are viewing my blog from, and it is surprising. Now I have 120 views from Canada, and 50 from the US (Probably Ryan). But surprisingly I also have 4 from Latvia, 3 from Russia, and 1 from Germany, Denmark, and Ireland. WOW. So my blog reaches out everywhere. That. Is. So. COOL. (Ps. Where is Latvia?)

I can also see the browser used. Most commonly IE and Google Chrome. I also have some from obscure ones like Opera, and a Java browser. Also oddly, only 4 views are from Firefox. I guess Google Chrome won.

All these stats are from May 2010 to August 2010 BTW.

I can also see where people come from other than directly coming here. Such as the Blogger front page, and Google Search itself. Apparently someone found my blog by searching "Job interview at Leon's". WOW

Also no one viewed my blog from May to June. T_T. But don't worry views have been INCREASING A LOT. 80 -90 between the past two months.

My most viewed blog post? This One. But I still don't know who my mystery follower is.

Also my new blog. TheMuseandTheMusic. Has more view potential already than this blog.
Most viewed post was the Character Bios.
Since I began a little under a week ago, there have been 70 page views!
My blog here has been the MAIN referral site, so thank you all =)
Also, views are higher in the US than in Canada lulz.

BEYOND AWESOME.
If any of you guys have a blog, I suggest you try the new Blogger in Draft. It has the stats page, and also a TON of new features.

Tally-ho! Till next time!

Wow, I sure feel great.

To be perfectly honest. I had gotten some pretty bad news today.

The University's Admission department called me today, wondering where my Physics 30 is on my transcript. I told them CBE-Learn treated it as a summer course. They insisted on me calling Alberta-ED to get the full transcript sent to them so they can evaluate me for admission. The bad part is I skipped the Diploma because I felt like giving up. Remember?

Bad Choice.

A lesson from Chris. NEVER GIVE UP. EVER. I know I won't. Never give up hope. I still haven't, I still have a fanatical belief that God will get me where I want to be. I've settled on the fact that, my luck is so extreme at times that there has to be SOMETHING watching over me. I feel good.

Anyways, I don't care about ANY of that; why? Because of the support I'm getting for my story. I'm going to be perfectly honest. Two people are giving me their support, but that's all I need to feel REALLY GOOD about myself. I have just finished writing and posting my Second Draft of Chapter Zero, and I have to honestly say. I. Love. It.

Thanks to you guys, I'm feeling so good about writing this story that I could honestly care less about getting into University. I started writing this blog because it was an evolution of my journal. I wanted to write the story for a few friends. I never thought that it would make me feel THIS good. Depression? Gone. Just like that.

Often I don't take criticism well, and I didn't at first. I was ready to give up after all the criticism I first got; but for some hallucinatory reason I didn't. That resulted in Second Draft. I cannot wait for the feedback. Its 1am right now and I'm dead tired, but wide awake.

THANK YOU SO MUCH =).

Sunday's are... boring.

My brother decided to come over yesterday to drop off a letter, and while I like my brother; I honestly can't get any work done when I have to entertain someone. So I was able to plan out my Second Draft of Chapter Zero, and also a rough timeline of Chapter One. I'm kind of unhappy with chapter one, I don't want to turn the story into a day by day affair, but I don't want to jump from scene to scene altogether. I'll guess I'll see what you guys say when its posted.

Second Draft is going to add on a little more than what was there before, I'm toying with the idea of adding the actual grad party in there as well. Why not? I'm fairly confident it will move the story away from the girl idea to a friendship motif. After all my focus on the story is quite clear to myself, it is about friendships, hardships, and survival of High School; not necessarily relationships. I know that my actual life is fixated around girls A LOT, but I feel like I want to expand on the importance of the things I didn't really experience. It'll be a learning experience for me too.

Anyways it'll be a heavy revision so expect the chapter to almost change altogether.

As for other news, I don't really have much I've been messing around a bit with the old guitar; and getting into the knack of playing some video games again. I played a bit of everything, shooters like Call of Duty, fighters like Blazblue, and even tried my hand at Starcraft II (I'm terrible at it). Life is just passing by for me at the moment, I hope I get into University.

Okay so back to work, I'm sure I'll have more to write about after work tomorrow!

In the middle

So I finally get a break from work tomorrow, and that is a great thing to look forward to. I'm really looking forward to revising my chapter heavily. With about three distinct goals in mind my story is definitely the highest on that list.

First of all I got a great amount of criticism for my story, however my critic did suggest many useful things, so I can't say he's completely a moron. Either way going through the comment, I am going to make a few things a little clear. Essentially I'm writing my thoughts on his suggestions but also to silence the people who would otherwise say the same things.

Introduction is bleak, hints at a whiny character.

This much was known, I wrote the character's thoughts in haste making sure before I lost my train of thought that it was down in print. A note for any other proof readers should be that The First Draft, WILL be devoid of detail. So with that in mind the bleakness of the introduction is fair. The main point I was trying to skim across was the timeline of the prologue. Test the waters, a brief foreword, a brief introduction, and the beginning.

Lacks a 'message' of the story.

This is because the story is not developed, and that when speaking about experiences the listener always takes something different from it. The message or 'moral' of the story WILL come in time.

Introduction was odd.

I actually toyed with multiple ways of introducing the character, however instead of introducing him three times I just chose one and saw how it would fare. The one I used was an omniscient character voice being the narrator, I felt most comfortable writing like this because its the way my blog, like a reporter. The other way was introduce through character thoughts, not as a character narrative but more like reading their mind. The last was actually even suggested to me, and will most likely be the one used; Conversation. Introduction through conversation, it works.

Seems like a 'hot teen sensation novel'.

First off that sounds hilarious, it'll never go that far. My target is the people who are like me, who just need a shot of confidence or enjoy listening to someone else's tale. There is no goal with this story, just as my life had no goal. I'm toying with an idea that seems very weird to me, a story with no significant action. Its something I want to make work though, and I will. My biggest problem, will be from converting my sappy, corny life to a readable story that even someone unfamiliar with the genre could enjoy.

Gonzo Journalism. Use it.

To be honest, I tried. However its extremely difficult for this kind of story; the only obstruction is getting inside the character's head. Seemingly it would be easy because I'm the character, but its difficult. To be Gonzo is to 'tell it as it is', but judging from my inexperience and the novel's structure I can't do it. The best I can do, is to make the story flow from Ben. So the reader feels like he IS him. That's the perspective I feel will fit it, its in definition Gonzo, but not Journalism at all.

A Second Draft will be done by the end of tomorrow, provided that I can get in contact with my chief-advisor here. I don't know how many drafts I'll end up making but I'm guessing just three or maybe four.