Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Posting my update! =)

So I've actually been busy, *Gasp*. Mostly damage control, Anna read this blog; suffice to say she wasn't pleased. So after a long chat about what I've really been up to over the past few months, we're better off. In fact she was the one who suggested I update the blog.

Okay, so another issue right now is University. I know that I have beyond slim chances of getting into University this year considering that I failed Physics. I've been leaving it up to fate to decree whether or not I make it in this year, but move in is next week; and I believe classes are too. My admission is still tentative, waiting on my physics mark to be finalized so they can consider it. I really should just email the lady back and tell her the truth, but maybe I'll get lucky...

Move in day is on Monday, yeah its that close. If I somehow get in, I'd have to pack up everything really soon; but if I don't... well I have a lot of other things to worry about. Such as getting in for next year. But this means I might lose Kaitlyn forever.

Anyways, I know I haven't posted Ch2, I've been immensely busy and will get on that really soon. It'll be done by tomorrow most likely. Just to let you guys know, the chapter is about going to DH High, meeting Dawn; and also the first day of classes.

Also I've been getting questions on just how long the story will be. The story will be long, I have divided the story into 3 parts. These cover Ben's high school year. Each Part will have 10 or more chapters (probably more) but less than 30.

For those of you wondering what will happen to Ben after High School? You'll just have to wait and see, I have nothing planned out. Currently I have all 3 parts roughly sketched, but only Ch2 fully developed ready for print. I have work soon, so I'll end this hear.

Til next time!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Mind is shutting down.

First thing I want to say before we start, apparently 5 of you think I'm a pedophile if I say hello; so don't expect me to talk to anyone anymore... just kidding. The most interesting part I found was that 7 of you voted, so I blame it on people who cheated and voted more than once or Google spy robots.

Next Chapter 2 is going to be a little delayed because my mind has been recently melting for no reason. I honestly can't remember much anymore, it all seems so hazy. I can barely remember living at my parents, living with Anna. When I will my mind to think of something it just seems to melt and give me nothing. So, while I have an outline ready for Chapter 2, I don't expect it to come out at the rate I've been doing them. I however will at least TRY to get it out by the end of Sunday.

Another note, I'd like to thank you guys for leaving comments; I love them. I too am happy that I'm in a better mood these days when writing. Although I'm still kind of gloom and doom when I'm by myself. Also, saying that my life is often better than TV is a really nice complement. Thank you.

Hopefully work refreshes my mind, since I'm going back tomorrow.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I'm getting a bunch of other problems too, all which started today. I'm barely hungry, I ordered a pizza and 10 wings today. I ate 3 slices and 6 wings only, since I got it at noon. So like 1 slice and 2 wings a meal. Wow. Also I'm tired constantly, like unbelievably tired; but I can't sleep. I do get my 8 hours but I can't sleep. It should also tie in with this, I also managed to lose nearly all the muscle mass I had on myself; and now don't have the energy to do anything.

Lets hope for a miracle. It seems like all I'm doing these days is hoping.
Maybe its time to consider that University really wasn't in my reach this year... and plan for next year.
Or maybe, I'll try a new approach and hope my 'luck' pulls me through.

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Two posts in one day? OMFG

I decided to write another post for a few reasons. One, I got my responses back for Ch1 and I wanted to talk about it. Two, there is really nothing for me to do; time moves by so slowly. Three, I feel good dununununununun.

So, that aside my first piece of news is about my freshly released First Draft Chapter 1. I am so surprised, and SO pleased to say that all went well! I got word back from my pre-readers and barely anything was knocked on. Just some clarity issues. Also, a good point came from Nathan that the characters don't really have faces. Its true, I've been shying away from character descriptions. But, I really should try harder to give them faces.

This first draft has turned out so well that I am forced to delay a second draft until after I complete Part I. There just simply isn't enough that needs to be changed yet. After a few chapters I'm sure we'll find more to add, remove, edit.

Besides writing today I've been fairly focused on video games. I'm really getting bored with games, I really feel like I should have something else to do. I searched through steam today trying to find something I might want to play on PC. After hours of searching, I found Splinter Cell; all my life I've heard about it from Lyndsey, and others but I never played it. Then I realized I had the Conviction demo on my Xbox. I played it and I must say, it is REALLY awesome.

Other than that, all I have to really say is. I really need to go outside.

OH YEAH, I completely forgot but about a month ago I got a credit card, Yay! Now I can pay for things above $100!

First Draft CH1 is hot off the blog!

Yes its true, I finally finished the first real Chapter. I intended it as a pilot chapter, to kind of test the waters of my writing style and other features.

Beyond that I'd like to formerly thank my readers.
You guys are the greatest.

I haven't really been doing much, school is basically done for me now and I don't have work. So I sit here with nothing to do. I would of finished Chapter One yesterday but Anna and I got into another argument, as always she was furious and I was completely calm; adding to her anger. Anyways, I basically established a new rule for my writing "A happy Chris writes a lot better than an unhappy Chris."

Now, I wanted to focus on some of your guy's comments, and yes I actually DO read them. I just don't like to reply in the comments box, I'll either do it by actually contacting you privately or respond through these blog posts.

So, I want to thank Ryan for noticing some formating issues when I copy my chapter from Word. The text for all the dialogue was an entire size smaller, making it very annoying to read. I'm surprised he even continued to read it.

I'd also like to thank both Nathan for noticing how I edited the story to be less whiny. Yes, I originally wrote the story with a lot of concerns and that made it seem whiny. Since then I've gotten better, and revised it. Ben is not a depressed silly like I am, and will probably never be. This story has evolved far beyond my own life story, and I think that's really good.

Also, Blogger has a new stats feature which I think is really cool. I get to see all the stats for my blog. For instance I can see where people are viewing my blog from, and it is surprising. Now I have 120 views from Canada, and 50 from the US (Probably Ryan). But surprisingly I also have 4 from Latvia, 3 from Russia, and 1 from Germany, Denmark, and Ireland. WOW. So my blog reaches out everywhere. That. Is. So. COOL. (Ps. Where is Latvia?)

I can also see the browser used. Most commonly IE and Google Chrome. I also have some from obscure ones like Opera, and a Java browser. Also oddly, only 4 views are from Firefox. I guess Google Chrome won.

All these stats are from May 2010 to August 2010 BTW.

I can also see where people come from other than directly coming here. Such as the Blogger front page, and Google Search itself. Apparently someone found my blog by searching "Job interview at Leon's". WOW

Also no one viewed my blog from May to June. T_T. But don't worry views have been INCREASING A LOT. 80 -90 between the past two months.

My most viewed blog post? This One. But I still don't know who my mystery follower is.

Also my new blog. TheMuseandTheMusic. Has more view potential already than this blog.
Most viewed post was the Character Bios.
Since I began a little under a week ago, there have been 70 page views!
My blog here has been the MAIN referral site, so thank you all =)
Also, views are higher in the US than in Canada lulz.

If any of you guys have a blog, I suggest you try the new Blogger in Draft. It has the stats page, and also a TON of new features.

Tally-ho! Till next time!

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Wow, I sure feel great.

To be perfectly honest. I had gotten some pretty bad news today.

The University's Admission department called me today, wondering where my Physics 30 is on my transcript. I told them CBE-Learn treated it as a summer course. They insisted on me calling Alberta-ED to get the full transcript sent to them so they can evaluate me for admission. The bad part is I skipped the Diploma because I felt like giving up. Remember?

Bad Choice.

A lesson from Chris. NEVER GIVE UP. EVER. I know I won't. Never give up hope. I still haven't, I still have a fanatical belief that God will get me where I want to be. I've settled on the fact that, my luck is so extreme at times that there has to be SOMETHING watching over me. I feel good.

Anyways, I don't care about ANY of that; why? Because of the support I'm getting for my story. I'm going to be perfectly honest. Two people are giving me their support, but that's all I need to feel REALLY GOOD about myself. I have just finished writing and posting my Second Draft of Chapter Zero, and I have to honestly say. I. Love. It.

Thanks to you guys, I'm feeling so good about writing this story that I could honestly care less about getting into University. I started writing this blog because it was an evolution of my journal. I wanted to write the story for a few friends. I never thought that it would make me feel THIS good. Depression? Gone. Just like that.

Often I don't take criticism well, and I didn't at first. I was ready to give up after all the criticism I first got; but for some hallucinatory reason I didn't. That resulted in Second Draft. I cannot wait for the feedback. Its 1am right now and I'm dead tired, but wide awake.


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Sunday's are... boring.

My brother decided to come over yesterday to drop off a letter, and while I like my brother; I honestly can't get any work done when I have to entertain someone. So I was able to plan out my Second Draft of Chapter Zero, and also a rough timeline of Chapter One. I'm kind of unhappy with chapter one, I don't want to turn the story into a day by day affair, but I don't want to jump from scene to scene altogether. I'll guess I'll see what you guys say when its posted.

Second Draft is going to add on a little more than what was there before, I'm toying with the idea of adding the actual grad party in there as well. Why not? I'm fairly confident it will move the story away from the girl idea to a friendship motif. After all my focus on the story is quite clear to myself, it is about friendships, hardships, and survival of High School; not necessarily relationships. I know that my actual life is fixated around girls A LOT, but I feel like I want to expand on the importance of the things I didn't really experience. It'll be a learning experience for me too.

Anyways it'll be a heavy revision so expect the chapter to almost change altogether.
As for other news, I don't really have much I've been messing around a bit with the old guitar; and getting into the knack of playing some video games again. I played a bit of everything, shooters like Call of Duty, fighters like Blazblue, and even tried my hand at Starcraft II (I'm terrible at it). Life is just passing by for me at the moment, I hope I get into University.

Okay so back to work, I'm sure I'll have more to write about after work tomorrow!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

In the middle

So I finally get a break from work tomorrow, and that is a great thing to look forward to. I'm really looking forward to revising my chapter heavily. With about three distinct goals in mind my story is definitely the highest on that list.

First of all I got a great amount of criticism for my story, however my critic did suggest many useful things, so I can't say he's completely a moron. Either way going through the comment, I am going to make a few things a little clear. Essentially I'm writing my thoughts on his suggestions but also to silence the people who would otherwise say the same things.

Introduction is bleak, hints at a whiny character.
This much was known, I wrote the character's thoughts in haste making sure before I lost my train of thought that it was down in print. A note for any other proof readers should be that The First Draft, WILL be devoid of detail. So with that in mind the bleakness of the introduction is fair. The main point I was trying to skim across was the timeline of the prologue. Test the waters, a brief foreword, a brief introduction, and the beginning.

Lacks a 'message' of the story.
This is because the story is not developed, and that when speaking about experiences the listener always takes something different from it. The message or 'moral' of the story WILL come in time.

Introduction was odd.
I actually toyed with multiple ways of introducing the character, however instead of introducing him three times I just chose one and saw how it would fare. The one I used was an omniscient character voice being the narrator, I felt most comfortable writing like this because its the way my blog, like a reporter. The other way was introduce through character thoughts, not as a character narrative but more like reading their mind. The last was actually even suggested to me, and will most likely be the one used; Conversation. Introduction through conversation, it works.

Seems like a 'hot teen sensation novel'.
First off that sounds hilarious, it'll never go that far. My target is the people who are like me, who just need a shot of confidence or enjoy listening to someone else's tale. There is no goal with this story, just as my life had no goal. I'm toying with an idea that seems very weird to me, a story with no significant action. Its something I want to make work though, and I will. My biggest problem, will be from converting my sappy, corny life to a readable story that even someone unfamiliar with the genre could enjoy.

Gonzo Journalism. Use it.
To be honest, I tried. However its extremely difficult for this kind of story; the only obstruction is getting inside the character's head. Seemingly it would be easy because I'm the character, but its difficult. To be Gonzo is to 'tell it as it is', but judging from my inexperience and the novel's structure I can't do it. The best I can do, is to make the story flow from Ben. So the reader feels like he IS him. That's the perspective I feel will fit it, its in definition Gonzo, but not Journalism at all.

A Second Draft will be done by the end of tomorrow, provided that I can get in contact with my chief-advisor here. I don't know how many drafts I'll end up making but I'm guessing just three or maybe four.

Friday, August 13, 2010

These Titles are so Random.

Alright, so I was at a staff meeting yesterday, and it lasted til' about midnight again so I didn't have time to write a new post. The staff meeting itself was more interesting than the last, we learned about Clarks shoes; and I myself won a voucher for a free pair of shoes!

In other news, I worked today even though you can hardly call it work; today I got into even more arguments with Anna. Not particularly happy with that however I did end up figuring out that she thinks my story is complete bologna and not based on fact at all. I found myself oddly not caring at all, she never really gave an interest in my life and because of that her opinion doesn't matter in the least.

However, speaking of my story I wrote and posted the first draft of the prologue of my story to TheMuseandtheMusic. On the way back home from work the first chapter just came to me, and I rushed home and immediately began to write.

I politely suggest you readers to mosey on over there and comment on that chapter. I really want some suggestions, as the second draft will be made with reader input. So GO!

Short post today, I have work again tomorrow so I'll write when I get home. Catch ya later!

Thursday, August 12, 2010

What's coming next?

Hey everyone, so its been a couple of days; that obviously means I wasn't too happy about something. Yes, its true. See, I made the call to the university but the very nice lady there told me that no matter what the case I would not be accepted if my grades did not meet the median. Keeping that in mind, I basically just gave up on life. I felt that whatever I did I just wasn't good enough. So I didn't go even try my diploma exam, or even go to work. To add to that I even had to dislocate my shoulder to reduce some inflammation.

Now though? I'm just bloody confused. I got an email yesterday saying that my transcript was sent to the University. I thought "This is the end". Today, being curious and all I checked the site; nothing changed except that my BSc application was now listed as "Completed" and my BA Psych didn't change at all. Beyond that my residence application had just been assigned a room. Either this is all for real, or some greater force wants to rip the last shred of hope from me. Either way, I'm going to cling on for dear life. Lets see just how fucking lucky I am.

I've never revealed my actual High School grades to you guys before, but I will now just to let you know; and to let myself know. The five courses used for my application... and the grades I achieved: English 30-1 (57% D+), Math Pure 30 (59% D+), Social Studies 30-1 (78% B+), Comm-Tech (73% B), and Physics 30 (FAILED). So basically with a required median grade of acceptance at 79% it is basically impossible for me to enter. Oh and another humiliating secret? Because I failed Physics 30, I don't have my high school diploma.

Lets hope for the best, but I'd rather talk about something else. Lets see... I'm happy the direction this blog is moving in; I actually logged on today and found ANOTHER follower! Big news for me that someone else finds my life interesting. My day to day life that is. I keep forgetting this is supposed to be a recent life blog not a history lesson. Now I know a few people that periodically read this blog, but for someone to actually make an account and follow this.. WOW.

So its made me think of reworking my blog; this blog is going to be what it was originally made to be. My day to day journal, like a diary almost except not so girly (Maybe). Blogger allows me to make more than one blog, so I think I will. I'll make another for arts, so any kind of artistic things I want to post goes there. This will include my story, and the songs I previously recorded but had no where to place.

Speaking of the story, the story has hit the point where I will begin writing the prelude, or even the first chapter. My main characters are set, there are six characters two of them won't even be in the first few chapters. Its going to focus on the first few years of high school; basically the most interesting part of my life. And... if any of you actually want to know what ACTUALLY happened in MY life not in the character's life... then ask. The main character's name is Ben. Easy to remember, easy to forget. The character is also not going to be a split image of me, not at all. He is going to be the way the reader envisions him. I don't honestly feel like describing a character down to the pore anyways; it may be a character design flaw but hell. I don't know how to write, and if you don't like it.. buzz off.

I'm going to edit this blog after I post my first story post. It's going to be the plan of my main characters; I'm going to try to keep spoilers out but I want to post it for you guys so you can criticize me. If you hate the names, tell me but give me a suggestion. I won't be including last names for NOW. But I will also write the first name of who inspired that character. Hope you made the cut to be a main character... xP.

*EDIT* Here's the link and yes I enjoy long names.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A story unfolds.

Although I may be at the current moment far from being truly "happy", everyday I feel a lot more better, a lot more content. I learned about Anna's "fanfiction", truth be told I've always avoided reading fanfictions, this will be the same. I'm not saying that I don't like it, far from that. I love her story, the characters, the concept and the overall flow. Its just that everytime I read something I go into a super anal editor mode, and criticize the hell out of it. From what she's told me its a beautiful story, one which actually has quite a few fans. After she told me about her story, well she pushed me for my own.

I may of been reluctant to tell her, as the story is basically a shot of my own life; but she actually seemed interested. Now I don't have any manuscripts or anything of the sort so I read her the spiel about the stars. Was it really that good? She seemed so into it, constantly wanting more. Ironically I simply read certain choice paragraphs from this blog, and she seemed even more intrigued.

For the first time ever in the nearly 7 months this blog has ran, I've started to see a response from my own readers. All from this excerpt. It had inspired an old friend of mine, Nathan; the excerpt had got him thinking himself about the stars. Spreading from it, he also updated his own blog; which doesn't happen often. He's never really been open about these kinds of things, and for something that I wrote to break a rule like that, is superb. I'm throughly pleased with myself.

All of this has made me really consider, should my life really hit the print? People have told me countless times how my life is like a drama, maybe its time I did something about it. My main worry is, would anyone read it? Haha, a sappy love drama thing would hardly be popular I'd presume.

I had just gotten word back from Ryan, not douche Ryan, but desciple Ryan. Confused yet? Anyways, the guy thinks like me so his opinion really does matter; but then again his opinion is about as blunt and cruel as my own haha. I guess its my fault but still, its not bad. I've decided to take it slow work on it bit by bit. This story is my own life, but I can't just make it exactly a clone of my life. Somethings need to change, the main character needs to have more guy friends for one.

Alright! I've decided. I'm going to write my story. A main character plan and maybe a first chapter will be in the works. If anyone wants to pre-read. Shoot me up an email. **

For now PEACE.
Rock on.

Friday, August 6, 2010

Anticipating the Future

I feel a huge urge to write right now, Anna's been on her laptop 24/7 so I've decided to move to the main computer; of course shooing her out of the room. She still has no idea I continued to write the blog after we moved in together.

I had multiple revelations yesterday, you might even say an epiphany of sorts. Yesterday was a PK meeting for work at 9:30 pm. I got home at around midnight still not knowing what a PK meeting was. Walking back with Anna, I could tell she was actually making an effort to talk to me but I honestly was too caught up in my own world.

Allow me to rewind a few hours before the meeting. I had finally decided to stop and think hard about just what the fuck I was to do about university. I made the decision. I was going to talk to admissions, and set the record straight. I wouldn't stop until I was a full-time student there. With that in mind I couldn't stop thinking about being a student at the university, among my thoughts I began to think of other people... Ryan Clark, I'd just love to run into that idiot on campus. Then something hit me like a bolt of lightning. Kaitlyn.

Holy Shit! I had completely forgotten that she was planning to attend the university! She may not of applied early like I did, but there is no doubt she would be accepted. She may not be the brainiest but I'll admit she works harder than anyone. Her acceptance letter, would of been mailed to her parents place; a place she hadn't been for months until... until she left with Ryan! After cooling off a bit, I began to think things through with a clear(ish) head. As much as I want to pound Ryan's head into a wall, he's a lot stronger than I am. And well, I haven't been fighting for years. But, what am I supposed to do? Nothing?

Fired up from those thoughts, I could feel the self-confidence returning. I would prove just how determined I was to the world. I still can't help but feel bad for Anna, she's no longer a part of my feelings. I need to find her a guy, shouldn't be hard. She's a cute gamer girl anyone would adore, just like girl next door Lyndsey.

Last night as I was walking home with Anna, I was drawn to the night sky. I hadn't noticed it for so long, put it out of my head. The streetlights made it hard to see the stars hiding beyond, but that wasn't the point. It drew back so many memories. There was a night a few years back, when six of us friends went camping. It was the old gang, Ashleigh-Skye, Kaitlyn, Alex, Kevin, Cam and me. I remember sneaking off when I couldn't sleep, off to the clearing of the mountain I had earlier found. It was there I was mesmerized by the sky until Ashleigh had shaken me. She followed me, I was relieved it was her and not a bear. She tried to understand exactly why I was so into the stars, she didn't understand. Staring at it for a while she just dozed off. I sent her back to camp a while later.

I just lay there for hours, unable to sleep. Just staring at the twinkling eyes lightyears away. Bright green eyes and a tousle of blond hair broke my vision. How she found me, I'll never know; but that wasn't what mattered. What came next was one of the times when I felt most connected with her. We talked for hours, about the stars and about our childhood. Before her and I were split apart our families used to camp together every summer. After I left though it was too inconvenient and my parents stopped. The beautiful girl huddled up in my arm spoke of the times when she went to camp wishing that I would be there once again. We shared with eachother other the reason why we were so obsessed with the night, it turned out to be the same. It was surprising yet... expected. For her she wished on a shooting star one night at camp... for me I was in my backyard seeing my first one. We wished that everything would go back to the way it was before. We both like to think of it as the same star, but hell. How does anyone really know? Though, it would be nice to be like a storybook romance.

It was a question from Anna that brought me back to the real world. 'Why do you like the stars so much?'. I chuckled, giving her a cryptic response. I realize now I might of let slip my feelings for someone else, but to me... it didn't matter. Only one thing did. The one thing that really mattered.


Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Where am I?

I feel lost.
Lost inside the complexes of my own mind.
I don't feel like myself, even in my writing.

Its erratic, contemptuous, jumps from place to place.
I speak about the present then the past, about one person then the next.
Inside my words there is no rhyme, no reason. No flow.

Its all so jumbled, so distorted.
If I could just get myself on track.
I know I could make a change.

Now I didn't reread my blog again, but I have looked over it with my minds eye. Its very unsatisfactory, I feel pretty damn distressed and it shows in the words. I've never really considered myself much of a writer but since I've started to write creatively, I found the words just flow; or at least they used too. I want to continue talking about the past, but I suppressed so much.

I also feel like it would be completely pointless to write about the present, since there honestly is nothing new happening. I'd rather spout pointless fiction which I've recently discovered I'm actually pretty good at. I've taken an interest in reading again; but only to really pass the time until I really feel ready to write a story. The only story I feel like writing right now is the account of my own life. I wouldn't even know when to start, where even.

My mental condition is deplorable, I don't feel like it would be a good idea to go to University anymore... at least this year. There is still much I need to discover about myself, before I lock myself in again.

One thing that has been on my mind since the last post has been Anna. See, I never actually did tell her the truth about what had happened with Kaitlyn. I figured (and still figure) that its a demon better left undisturbed; best let jealousy die off first. Still the hate she seems to carry for Kaitlyn is seemingly one that might never dissipate. The only thing she could really do to find out now is to read this blog. However, she doesn't really give a rats ass about my life anymore, so that would never happen.

Still I am bothered by the amount of lies I spoon-fed Anna all these years. When the topic of my out-of-school life was brought up, I told her a whittled down version of the truth. I said I was dating Ashleigh, a girl who was with me for a very long time; I had never even mentioned Kaitlyn. When Anna became a larger presence in my life, I found it necessary to tell her the truth about Kaitlyn. The poison of jealousy soon took effect and our relationship began to deter, in an attempt to save a friendship I disguised the truth as a lie and took Kaitlyn and Ashleigh out of Anna's world. Luck had it that she never actually met one of them. While she had seen them on multiple occasions, and even seen me hang out with them once; I have a way with convincing people otherwise.

Of course a lie has to be exposed eventually. That came in the form of my best friend needing a home. She came and lived with Anna and I. You should all know what happens next.
There is still so much she doesn't know, probably will never know. Its just another burden I have to carry.

To any of my readers, I'm sorry about the lack of real content in my blogs. I really just need some time... to work things out. I just happen to be using this blog to think things through, if you don't like it well...

Go die. =)

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

I sure miss a lot of things.

I've been thinking lately and it really does feel like my life ended after high school. While school itself was utterly mind-numbing; I thoroughly enjoyed all the things in between. I miss everything so much because I simply don't have it anymore. Most of all I miss Kaitlyn.

I reread some of my posts and I apparently didn't write about what happened with her. To understand you have got to understand a few things. Kaitlyn is my (ex) bestest-best-friend. Her and I go way back as I've probably never shut up about. Ashleigh is a girl that was a brief friend in elementary before I moved, we became close when I met her coincidentally at a school volleyball game. Eventually we dated for four years. Ryan Clark; is basically the end-result of everything evil. He has plagued my life for years, and has now successfully spirited away the two most important to me.

Once upon a time, my then girlfriend Ashleigh had to move to Vancouver due to a parental-custody agreement. This however did not at all ruin our relationship, but it was the beginning of the end. It was four years ago, the summer of 2007. Around the time that I figured out that her missing my Grade 9 graduation was no big at all, I made the decision to go visit her new home in Vancouver. I basically figured that my parents would never let me do such a thing so I convinced them I was off to camp. I then bought a bus ticket and freighted the 12-hours to the west coast. It was a week of pure enjoyment for me, but it was also the first time that I had met Ryan. Ryan's father was the owner of the company in which Meredith Kingsley (Ashleigh's mother) worked for. I had pleasure of eating dinner with the family.

I'm not going to lie, Ryan is a charming guy. Yes, that is one of the reasons I hate him. He is in almost every way, better than I am. I'm not just being humble either. At 6"3' he makes me look squished; and he looks like he's been groomed his entire life. He seriously could be described as a sculpted Adonis, neatly groomed hair and charming blue eyes. He's enough to set your teeth on edge. I had to sit there all night while my supposed to be girlfriend was fawning all over him with her eyes. I personally thought the guy looked ridiculous. The guy was 16 but dressed in a suit and groomed from head to toe. He and his father were sure full of themselves; I can't even remember the company's name.

I was anxious the second I left the city to go home. School year was coming up and they'd be in the same school. What was a guy to do. Ashleigh and I broke up the following February for the first time. What followed was a rocky relationship; I could tell she wanted to forget about me and chase after that tool. That's what basically happened. Ashleigh and I didn't really speak until the winter of 2008 when we got back together. Only for a few months, when she chose Ryan over me.

I might of never made it through that if Kaitlyn wasn't there to comfort me. In the summer of 2009, Ashleigh moved back to Calgary; permanently. This time free of the custody agreement, but she also brought back with her Ryan. Who for some fucking obscure reason wanted to go to post-secondary school here. Everything was fine. Until 2010 began. It was at a new years party, hosted by our friend Alex. I should of never gone, because it was here my then girlfriend Kaitlyn met Ryan. A week later she broke up with me, didn't tell me why. Now I know. A month later, Ashleigh moved back to Vancouver unexpectedly, cutting off all contact without telling me why. Now I know why. Ryan.

It didn't put me into the happiest of moods which set off a chain of events that led to all the horrors that had happened through the year. Since then Kaitlyn had been with me as a friend, but not anymore. She's gone now. Ryan's to blame, for everything. He took both of them away from me, shattered Ashleigh's heart and threw her aside the second he saw Kaitlyn. I hate his guts, but what can I do?

I just want to hear Kaitlyn's voice. It's been so long.