First of all I got a great amount of criticism for my story, however my critic did suggest many useful things, so I can't say he's completely a moron. Either way going through the comment, I am going to make a few things a little clear. Essentially I'm writing my thoughts on his suggestions but also to silence the people who would otherwise say the same things.
Introduction is bleak, hints at a whiny character.
This much was known, I wrote the character's thoughts in haste making sure before I lost my train of thought that it was down in print. A note for any other proof readers should be that The First Draft, WILL be devoid of detail. So with that in mind the bleakness of the introduction is fair. The main point I was trying to skim across was the timeline of the prologue. Test the waters, a brief foreword, a brief introduction, and the beginning.
Lacks a 'message' of the story.
This is because the story is not developed, and that when speaking about experiences the listener always takes something different from it. The message or 'moral' of the story WILL come in time.
Introduction was odd.
I actually toyed with multiple ways of introducing the character, however instead of introducing him three times I just chose one and saw how it would fare. The one I used was an omniscient character voice being the narrator, I felt most comfortable writing like this because its the way my blog, like a reporter. The other way was introduce through character thoughts, not as a character narrative but more like reading their mind. The last was actually even suggested to me, and will most likely be the one used; Conversation. Introduction through conversation, it works.
Seems like a 'hot teen sensation novel'.
First off that sounds hilarious, it'll never go that far. My target is the people who are like me, who just need a shot of confidence or enjoy listening to someone else's tale. There is no goal with this story, just as my life had no goal. I'm toying with an idea that seems very weird to me, a story with no significant action. Its something I want to make work though, and I will. My biggest problem, will be from converting my sappy, corny life to a readable story that even someone unfamiliar with the genre could enjoy.
Gonzo Journalism. Use it.
To be honest, I tried. However its extremely difficult for this kind of story; the only obstruction is getting inside the character's head. Seemingly it would be easy because I'm the character, but its difficult. To be Gonzo is to 'tell it as it is', but judging from my inexperience and the novel's structure I can't do it. The best I can do, is to make the story flow from Ben. So the reader feels like he IS him. That's the perspective I feel will fit it, its in definition Gonzo, but not Journalism at all.
A Second Draft will be done by the end of tomorrow, provided that I can get in contact with my chief-advisor here. I don't know how many drafts I'll end up making but I'm guessing just three or maybe four.