Friday, January 28, 2011

What now?

Been so busy freaking about and studying for the Physics diploma exam. Now that it has finally past I feel like I've made it to a major milestone. I'd like to think I did well, for a subject that is so very difficult. The amount of work I put into it, and the amount of support I got was just enough to get me through that long 2.5 hours. The exam was difficult, but not unbearable. I was just happy to get out of there alive.

I realized that my original plan to take four classes this semester wouldn't be possible, simply because the amount of stress I had going into the physics exam. I would not be able to handle Pure Math 30 again. I opted to sign up for 3 instead. English, Sociology, and Psychology. That will fufill my entry requirements for the school I set my sights on. I was contemplating attempting to apply for the UofC again, but entry is steep and I need my math skills to be prime. Mount Royal will be my choice, I'll be applying ASAP; using my Social and Physics marks for my Early Application. Hopefully I can tune my marks to be highly competitive by the end of the year.

Classes don't start until February 16, so I have a lot of stress free time now. I don't have much planned at all, barely got my birthday celebrations planned out. But I am going to go work for a day this Sunday, helping Softmoc move stores. At least then I'll have some birthday money to spend hahaha. I finally fixed the PS3, as it Yellow Lighted a few days ago. So, now I can at least game until school starts again. Not much to play other than the usual competitive goodies. Super Street Fighter IV being a great game, Little Big Planet 2 being very entertaining as usual, and I just picked up Dead Space 2.

I spoke to her again, my dare I say 'friend' and it went well. I never felt so free from all the troubles that burdened me and I never honestly felt more relaxed. The world may have changed while I was gone, and people may look at me different now; but at least if your intentions are good, good will happen. I won't go into very much detail at the time because my blog recently came under some questionable viewership. At this time, I seem to have more enemies than anything else. Back to you guys soon. Peace.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

I forgot to write a title lol

I never know what to write when I begin to write my posts, it always just comes to me as I go along. I don't edit anything out, save one moment. It is just the way I handle things, I've recently began to truly wonder what should I do with my free time? I find myself on the video games less and less, and I see myself drift further and further away from things that I once did to fill that time.

This weekend I went to see The Green Hornet, a movie that was in one word Legendary. I think the movie was very well scripted, and was entertaining and funny to the very end. Seth Rogen never ceases to amaze me in the roles that he plays, no matter how different the role is he manages to play it well and add his own personality into it. However, I cannot see him doing any role that isn't remotely comedy (similar to Jim Carrey). Jay Chou I have known prior to this film as a very talented musician, but when it comes down to it he acts very well. Although I have to say he was passive at times in terms of facial expressions, I wasn't really feeling the character as much. Altogether though it was a very good film and I would go see it again, the value of the movie is in the comedy and the sheer ass-kicking.

Speaking of friendship, I spoke to Anna about our relationship; whether or not I actually want to think about it, we were on a fine line between being friends and being more. We were like that for such a long time I've grown accustomed to it. Funny thing though, and this may be the start of one a new theory (don't quote me!) is that when I told her that we are just friends, it felt like a barrier broke. Things that bothered me before didn't seem to phase me that much anymore, everything changed almost immediately. It was almost as some illusion was shattered. I did give her the courtesy of telling her exactly why it wouldn't work out, and today it seemed as though she became a little more positive, even if just for a little.

Looks like the world as I know is changing all around me. Soon I won't be taking high school courses and talking to the same people. But friends, they last forever; don't they.

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Progressively getting more awesome.

That's who I am at heart; a philosopher, a thinker and a doer. Most of all though, I am pretty awesome. Also, I'm getting more and more awesome everyday, the problems of yesterday are meaning so much less everyday. At the end of the day I sure did feel a lot better.

I've been thinking about the future a bit and some of the past. I wonder what I'll really end up doing when I'm a real adult. I have to really think about it because I've never kept a job for more than 3 months and that is only because it becomes extremely dull around that time. Even though I was meeting new people everyday it ended up feeling so canned. I was there to sell a product, not to really talk to them; which I suppose was why I ended up quitting. So what will I be?

A good question has come up recently that I've thought over again and again. If you are so good at socializing, then why don't you go out and do it more? At first I gave answer that I felt best described the reason why I didn't: Because I don't have those kinds of friends anymore. That got me thinking... It was true that the friends that I kept after the strings of break-ups weren't really the kind that I ever talked about people to. Back when I talked to Kaitlyn and her friends, one of the topics I would frequent was the people that I met; and not just chicks in the mall, but like the crazy and cool people on the train. When I hang out with the "guys" I'd never talk about that stuff and I would always talk about games, music and other cool things.

I recall my birthday, that every year since about Gr.9 that I would host two parties; one for the "guys" and the "girls". Now that's an umbrella term I use since Anna fits neatly into the "guys" even though she isn't one. Why did I split my friends? Was I too worried about a possible split in the party? Or was it something else? That leads to this year... This year I didn't even want to have a party at all for my 18th, I felt so down in the dumps that nothing really mattered. Through the break-up split and by choice I had phased out everyone I thought shouldn't be my close friends. A thought popped in my head though, that the best parties I had ever been to was the ones where you'd just hang out with the close friends and maybe do something you haven't done. So I think my 18th isn't going to be some wild bash like I thought it might of been, but instead I'm going to take like 3 or 4 friends out and we are just going to live.

Ahem.. the Break-Up Split that I was mentioning and was dying to explain was a theory that I had been conceiving in my mind the past few days, however though it may sound like re-inventing the wheel.
The Break-Up Split (for lack of an actual term) is the event in which after a break-up everyone in any relation to the couple chooses a side. I've found that no one can choose both sides, however much they try. Choose one side and the lose the other; I have explored the third option (choose neither) but its pretty inconclusive.

That in a nutshell is what I was talking about, now on figuring all of this stuff out recently; I found that I am obsessed with human relationships. Friendships and Love relationships, both have what appears to be an psuedo-science behind them. Following a set of laws, rules, and guidelines; human relationships seem to play out a certain way. If ever I was to make it as a psychology student, and was to write a thesis; I would put this as my topic. I mean I do have lots, and I've learned a lot; for example I just talked about the "Break-Up Split" and I could also talk about the "Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Girlfriend Conundrum". And I could also learn how to come up with better names, but its better than "My Principle".

That ends one gigantic rant, in which I started with saying how I've been getting more and more awesome everyday to how my future is still a mess to figuring out what I actually enjoy so much about Psychology. Its funny how life works out sometimes, but one thing is for sure.

I'm Awesome.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Friendship in the new year

More than a week later, and 2011 is still a great year. Full of fun, adventures, new and old beginnings, and nearly no disappointment. While not much has changed in what I've been doing, I've been feeling fulfilled by the end of every day. When I play games, I'm always noticing improvement and more importantly I'm having a lot of fun. And everyday I feel like I learn something new or I realize something new. Its surprising but this year is actually so much better than every beginning of a new year so far.

So last post a few minutes after I had published it, I had went back and edited out part of it. Why? Because I felt like a hypocrite and I was a little embarrassed. I talked previously about how the one thing I didn't enjoy about the sitcom "How I Met Your Mother" was Ted's constant run-backs with that one one girl Robin. After I wrote that, I realized that I'm the same because the next thing I was writing about was my plan to call up an old ex and hang out, be friends. Gosh, I felt like such a moron; that is was actually the FIRST time I have ever not written what was on my mind.

Anyways I took the high-road learning from my mistakes and actually called her, up to the point I realized she didn't want to pick up so I left a message. Sending me a text a few days later, she replied; saying that she didn't want to see me yet, but there was no harm in just being friendly. That's cool with me, I truly wanted to just be a friend anyways. So we promised we would call eachother soon, and by now I still haven't called her. I just don't know what to say.

Rewind back a bit, I have to mention that I honestly don't know how to be "friendly". I've actually been getting tips, because through certain opinions I don't be "friendly", I just flirt all the time. Seeing that this is pretty bad, I figure I'll just tell her exactly that; so that's what I was planning to do today. Ease the tension off, and then go into chatty Chris mode. But then the most interesting revelation came while I was watching an episode of How I Met Your Mother. It was interestingly an episode about how Ted and Robin who had in the last season dated and broke up, are finding it difficult to be friends. Now while its fucking weird for me to take advice from a TV show, it did make sense to me finally. The reason why my ex doesn't want to see me is because it would be awkward for us to be together alone. Also get this, for us to be friends it has to just happen. I've been jumping the gun, and all I need to do is tell her that I understand and the rest will come if it comes.

When I think of it after writing that I feel kind of stupid, when I get a relationship going its either one of us going after eachother, and correct me if I'm wrong but, a friendship comes from passivity. If you both like eachother (in a totally non-carnal way), share similar interests; then its just eventual that you'll be friends. That's why when I think back to say... Elementary when I met Nathan, I can't remember for the life of me why or how we became friends. BAM! New flash, I just realized what I was doing with Erin before (pushing her to hang out) was essentially me asking her out; which you know would contradict with the whole boyfriend thing. Even though it wasn't my intention, it turns out that I probably did that. The only thing left is tell her, so she understands THATS why. I wasn't hitting on her, I was just socially inept!

So I can mark this down: January 2011, Chris learns how to make a friend.
I feel like I solved a mystery or something, all my life I've basically been working on these social interactions and I'm surprised I never learned this one. In short: Just be cool.

Monday, January 3, 2011

The Start of Something New.

Hi everyone, my name is Chris. Today is the first post of the year, 2010 has been beyond wonderful. I feel like I had felt like crap all year, but now here I am. Still alive, still enjoying what I have, and in the end that is really all that matters.

I believe that new years is always disappointing, and this is because that nothing ever goes the way you really want it to. New years is usually the time when we have huge hopes and huge plans, and usually it doesn't work out the way we would like it to. Usually New Years is spent with others, used to be with family; but most of the time it isn't very eventful. The only ones I remember were spending time with at my Aunts house, and making the resolution that I'd be with my girlfriend at the time, forever. We broke up in two weeks; but that isn't the worst. Last year, was a friend's party; it was fun until you know my best friend started macking on some guy. This year, was spent alone and I really mean it. My family went to bed at 10pm, I stayed up until midnight but found no will to even care. All these bad new years have made me jaded to what I could experience, but I still made a resolution. 2011 is going to rock, basically I told myself I would make the most out of life, and just do what the hell I want to do.

I started with just settling in and enjoying what I already have. I played games again, I watched How I Met Your Mother, and I did my physics work. In the three days that have passed I've done a lot according to me. I've been playing and improving myself in games like CoD, Starcraft 2, Warcraft 3, Super Street Fighter 4, and really working on improving myself. I watched an entire season of How I Met Your Mother, at a reasonable pace compared to The Big Bang Theory just because its not as gripping to me. Its a perfect blend of romance and comedy, but the reason I don't like it as much is because the romance at times is annoying. For example, Ted the main character continues to run it back (at least 5 times now) with the SAME girl, if he wasn't so desperate it would be perfect.

My number one concern right now is going through my physics course, the diploma exam is in a few weeks so I have to prepare for that. Right now my mark is better than most my other ones but that isn't saying a lot. The diploma exam will push me up into the 80s if I do well on it, but I'm optimistic for a 75+ at this point. Also within the next week or so I'll need to visit Ernest Manning to sign up for any more courses I'll need to go to school.

Theres the plan and I'm still taking it day by day. I've looked over how I planned the last 17 years of my life and honestly the flaw was that I took it step by step, I left no breathing room for just kicking ass. So here I go, 2011 is going to rock!