Friday, August 6, 2010

Anticipating the Future

I feel a huge urge to write right now, Anna's been on her laptop 24/7 so I've decided to move to the main computer; of course shooing her out of the room. She still has no idea I continued to write the blog after we moved in together.

I had multiple revelations yesterday, you might even say an epiphany of sorts. Yesterday was a PK meeting for work at 9:30 pm. I got home at around midnight still not knowing what a PK meeting was. Walking back with Anna, I could tell she was actually making an effort to talk to me but I honestly was too caught up in my own world.

Allow me to rewind a few hours before the meeting. I had finally decided to stop and think hard about just what the fuck I was to do about university. I made the decision. I was going to talk to admissions, and set the record straight. I wouldn't stop until I was a full-time student there. With that in mind I couldn't stop thinking about being a student at the university, among my thoughts I began to think of other people... Ryan Clark, I'd just love to run into that idiot on campus. Then something hit me like a bolt of lightning. Kaitlyn.

Holy Shit! I had completely forgotten that she was planning to attend the university! She may not of applied early like I did, but there is no doubt she would be accepted. She may not be the brainiest but I'll admit she works harder than anyone. Her acceptance letter, would of been mailed to her parents place; a place she hadn't been for months until... until she left with Ryan! After cooling off a bit, I began to think things through with a clear(ish) head. As much as I want to pound Ryan's head into a wall, he's a lot stronger than I am. And well, I haven't been fighting for years. But, what am I supposed to do? Nothing?

Fired up from those thoughts, I could feel the self-confidence returning. I would prove just how determined I was to the world. I still can't help but feel bad for Anna, she's no longer a part of my feelings. I need to find her a guy, shouldn't be hard. She's a cute gamer girl anyone would adore, just like girl next door Lyndsey.

Last night as I was walking home with Anna, I was drawn to the night sky. I hadn't noticed it for so long, put it out of my head. The streetlights made it hard to see the stars hiding beyond, but that wasn't the point. It drew back so many memories. There was a night a few years back, when six of us friends went camping. It was the old gang, Ashleigh-Skye, Kaitlyn, Alex, Kevin, Cam and me. I remember sneaking off when I couldn't sleep, off to the clearing of the mountain I had earlier found. It was there I was mesmerized by the sky until Ashleigh had shaken me. She followed me, I was relieved it was her and not a bear. She tried to understand exactly why I was so into the stars, she didn't understand. Staring at it for a while she just dozed off. I sent her back to camp a while later.

I just lay there for hours, unable to sleep. Just staring at the twinkling eyes lightyears away. Bright green eyes and a tousle of blond hair broke my vision. How she found me, I'll never know; but that wasn't what mattered. What came next was one of the times when I felt most connected with her. We talked for hours, about the stars and about our childhood. Before her and I were split apart our families used to camp together every summer. After I left though it was too inconvenient and my parents stopped. The beautiful girl huddled up in my arm spoke of the times when she went to camp wishing that I would be there once again. We shared with eachother other the reason why we were so obsessed with the night, it turned out to be the same. It was surprising yet... expected. For her she wished on a shooting star one night at camp... for me I was in my backyard seeing my first one. We wished that everything would go back to the way it was before. We both like to think of it as the same star, but hell. How does anyone really know? Though, it would be nice to be like a storybook romance.

It was a question from Anna that brought me back to the real world. 'Why do you like the stars so much?'. I chuckled, giving her a cryptic response. I realize now I might of let slip my feelings for someone else, but to me... it didn't matter. Only one thing did. The one thing that really mattered.


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