Heellllooo my extremely diminished following. Its been 2 months since the last post and some of you know where I went and some of you don't. Vacation. I figured it was about time that I had gotten one, so I spent that money that you know does nothing, pulled a string or two for a discount; and took a fucking vacation. If you're offended that I didn't tell you, then just know I didn't tell anyone about it. Unless they asked me.
Not because of my ego, but because it costs money for me to text out there. I ended up buying a international card so I can text for a while. The smart people, emailed me; some others texted me. But I'll get to that later. So anyways, I up and went off to Sydney. Always wanted to go there, and it was a better time then any seeing about how the chill was starting to roll in at the time. Over the course of being there I learned a lot about myself.
So the texts that I did send out were because I was trying to fix my wrongs, I figured that I can't just run away and forget about my problems, so I contacted the people I was avoiding for help. I asked Brittany and while she didn't help much she gave me some hope, and I talked to Erin who I was finally able to vent to. My problems were being thinned but they didn't go away. Not until I heard some keen advice.
I went to a local cafe late morning on a Tuesday to freeload the internet and figure out what I could do and thats where my life was basically turned around. I was going to buy coffee as well because jet lag has since forced it on me to stay alive. The line was large, incredibly large for a time so close to noon. Kind of irritated I voiced my confusion on the fullness of the small cafe. Lucky for me, there was a girl in front of me who turned to me and explained why. Basically the cafe was full around this time because class had let off about 10 minutes ago at the University.
Anyways the girl was cute and dressed fashionably despite looking a little warm in contrast to the hot weather (in my opinion). She already talked to me and the line was large so I figured why not keep talking. So we did, I found out she went to the University herself as a Philosophy major first year, and she found out I was foreign because of my distinguishably different English. We talked a while more, she elected that I walk her back to the campus, so I did. We talked about tons of things, our lives and everything like that, I dispelled as much preconceptions and myths she had about the west as she did for mine. I of course left out all the bits that made me look bad, but I'm guessing she did the same.
So the hour quickly ran past us and she had a Psych class to attend, so it was time for me to go explore campus. But she invited me into the class, which made me pretty happy to say the least. And it was there that I heard the words that set my life back on track. The lecture was on happiness for one, and I was really into the lesson. I still have notes I jotted down in my laptop. What hit me hard was when he distinguished a life of meaning, and a life of happiness. That if one chased after a life that has meaning to others, then they in turn became less happy. A life of happiness came from living in the moment. He also said "A happy person, has an active social life; be it with one person or twenty, they are surrounded by those who feel like the main attraction is you."
From there, all made sense. I read my blog again, and my journal and I found that I became more and more depressed the more I tried to gain that life of meaning. To reach University, to better myself; but none of that was done for myself, they were done for what others would think of me. I wanted to become a doctor so others would respect me, to better myself so that others could praise me. But I didn't do things for myself anymore, I did them for the future. I realized you don't have to stop reaching that meaningful life to be happy, but that by being happy in the present; reaching that goal is just that much easier. And when I think of it, I did just meet a cute girl, go vacation where I wanted to, and go to University. It was a good day.
So I had a pretty good time after that, I literally rolled in my bed for half an hour smiling that night. From then on, I went all around touring Sydney, with Janelle and her friends or meeting other people to go with. I was never alone, and I realized that I don't have to ever be. So now, I'm back again; and I can't wait to go on another vacation. But I'll wait, for the summer at least. Australia has been cut off my list, my next destination? Probably Rome, Venice, Tokyo, or Paris.