I don't really know what I can say.
Recently I've been feeling down in the dumps; lost my self-confidence and such. At first I tried to get it back, but I figured that I couldn't do it on my own. When I found that I had no one to turn to, I figured if I made amends and fixed all the wrongs I've done to others then maybe I'd gain that confidence back.
Now, the LAST thing I ever wanted to do was get my confidence back, just so I can start an endless cycle of hot chicks again. I actually wanted to fix my problems so I can become a new, better person. I feel as though I have reign on my hormones now and no longer will hunt sex like game.
But, no one buys it. I always thought my relationships and even my flings ended well. I guess I didn't think of what would happen after they looked into my life a bit. So its all gone, I even officially lost Erin. That was a blow to the heart; I thought I'd helped her recover from the mess I made; but I didn't do anything did I.
Anna crushed what little hope I had left after that. She incessantly reminded me of the horrible things I had done, and made me feel that no one would ever offer me the penance I seek. Devastated, I feel as though; right now... I'll just finish my school; play games constantly; and hide from the world.
I feel abandoned by everyone; no one knows how it feels to devote their life to helping others, only to find that no one will return it when they need it.
I just needed someone to talk to, someone to help me work things out; to find me a purpose.
This blog is suspended indefinetely; at least you guys know. Maybe someday I'll find myself, but I'm just lost now.
If you want to contact me, anyone who still knows my number can find me there; otherwise email me. Chris.musico.o (at) gmail.com.
Bye from Chris.