Sunday, January 16, 2011

Progressively getting more awesome.

That's who I am at heart; a philosopher, a thinker and a doer. Most of all though, I am pretty awesome. Also, I'm getting more and more awesome everyday, the problems of yesterday are meaning so much less everyday. At the end of the day I sure did feel a lot better.

I've been thinking about the future a bit and some of the past. I wonder what I'll really end up doing when I'm a real adult. I have to really think about it because I've never kept a job for more than 3 months and that is only because it becomes extremely dull around that time. Even though I was meeting new people everyday it ended up feeling so canned. I was there to sell a product, not to really talk to them; which I suppose was why I ended up quitting. So what will I be?

A good question has come up recently that I've thought over again and again. If you are so good at socializing, then why don't you go out and do it more? At first I gave answer that I felt best described the reason why I didn't: Because I don't have those kinds of friends anymore. That got me thinking... It was true that the friends that I kept after the strings of break-ups weren't really the kind that I ever talked about people to. Back when I talked to Kaitlyn and her friends, one of the topics I would frequent was the people that I met; and not just chicks in the mall, but like the crazy and cool people on the train. When I hang out with the "guys" I'd never talk about that stuff and I would always talk about games, music and other cool things.

I recall my birthday, that every year since about Gr.9 that I would host two parties; one for the "guys" and the "girls". Now that's an umbrella term I use since Anna fits neatly into the "guys" even though she isn't one. Why did I split my friends? Was I too worried about a possible split in the party? Or was it something else? That leads to this year... This year I didn't even want to have a party at all for my 18th, I felt so down in the dumps that nothing really mattered. Through the break-up split and by choice I had phased out everyone I thought shouldn't be my close friends. A thought popped in my head though, that the best parties I had ever been to was the ones where you'd just hang out with the close friends and maybe do something you haven't done. So I think my 18th isn't going to be some wild bash like I thought it might of been, but instead I'm going to take like 3 or 4 friends out and we are just going to live.

Ahem.. the Break-Up Split that I was mentioning and was dying to explain was a theory that I had been conceiving in my mind the past few days, however though it may sound like re-inventing the wheel.
The Break-Up Split (for lack of an actual term) is the event in which after a break-up everyone in any relation to the couple chooses a side. I've found that no one can choose both sides, however much they try. Choose one side and the lose the other; I have explored the third option (choose neither) but its pretty inconclusive.

That in a nutshell is what I was talking about, now on figuring all of this stuff out recently; I found that I am obsessed with human relationships. Friendships and Love relationships, both have what appears to be an psuedo-science behind them. Following a set of laws, rules, and guidelines; human relationships seem to play out a certain way. If ever I was to make it as a psychology student, and was to write a thesis; I would put this as my topic. I mean I do have lots, and I've learned a lot; for example I just talked about the "Break-Up Split" and I could also talk about the "Ex-Boyfriend/Ex-Girlfriend Conundrum". And I could also learn how to come up with better names, but its better than "My Principle".

That ends one gigantic rant, in which I started with saying how I've been getting more and more awesome everyday to how my future is still a mess to figuring out what I actually enjoy so much about Psychology. Its funny how life works out sometimes, but one thing is for sure.

I'm Awesome.

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