I can't help but beat myself up over how much I can't seem to do things. I didn't go to school today. It seems that everyday I don't go to school it breaks me more and more. I wake up in the morning, I can't move, I don't want to move. I start thinking about all the work that I haven't done and I cringe. I still have unbelievable amounts of work that I have to do, and to be honest I'm doubting I can do it.
I miss last semester. I felt so confident, so strong. I was doing ridiculously well in class. All because of one girl. Well, then it all disappeared. I can't so much as talk to Alex, and no one will help me. Heather, that distraction I was rambling about has finally got on my nerves. My confidence is in shambles, I literally try to do anything like ask someone to go to a movie, and I get rejected. What the hell, this has never happened before to me.
I want to be so many things, but I feel like I could never do it. Well, here I am still trucking along. I'm not happy with what's happening, but I guess I'll live. I only wish that someone would help me stay on track.
So what did I do today? I played on my PSPGo all morning, then spent 3 hours writing/recording a new song. The song came from no where, a few days ago I felt the biggest urge to learn how to sing. So this new song, features lyrics. It's also going to be up on the internets after I create the master track. Okay, I'll admit I'm not the greatest singer in the world. I thought I was actually decent, but the voice that I hear sure as hell is not the voice that was actually recorded. I made an effort, and I promise ears will not bleed.
Tomorrow, the only thing I have to look forward to is a job interview at Leon's furniture. Warehouse associate, I'll be lifting things I think. Well, if I can get the job. I sure hope I do, I'd love to make some disposable income.
On the housing note, which I'm sure you're all wondering about we are basically forced to move to the shitty place in Lynnwood. Well, I'll deal. At least Anna's parents okay'd me to stay there, regardless of the 4 tenant rule. If I wasn't allowed to, Anna and I would of just moved in with my half-brother Wayne. Neither are fucking optimal. I wanted to live in the nice place with the pool and patio. Now I get some shithole.
Alright, well I'm going to sleep now (maybe) and hope I can do something about anything.