Saturday, January 30, 2010

Journal Entries: Semester 1 (Senior Year)

A foreword. This is a word for word copy of my Journal I wrote in, it shows my life in Senior year, in semester 1 at Central Memorial High School. I would like to say a word of caution, there is a LOT of drama in this and by drama I mean the worst kind. Relationships. If you're easily offended or scared of the truth of my dating life, then I'd advise not reading. But, if you're into all that mushy-gushy stuff. Then read on, it is a glimpse into my mind.

September 12th, 2009
3:00 PM ~Finally decided to start this journal, theres been a hell of a lot going on. Right now I can't get my mind off this girl in my Social Studies class. First of all shes nothing like the rest of the gorgeous women I see. First of all she seems to love firing off mixed messages. Getting a girl to like me has never been this hard. I don't think it really is an issue with getting her to like me, that has been done. I don't really know what it is that bothers me about her. At times she just seems bipolar. I had a hell of a time at the end of class with her though, I think I made her laugh finally. Oh boy, I hope something happens soon, shes the main reason I go to school.
3:48PM ~Dammit, I want to build that EVH guitar. If only I had money... I'm going to look for a job or something.
8:14PM ~Well, that sucked. All I found was blogging, maybe I'll do that...

September 13th, 2009
9:09 AM ~Haha, I now realized I could take apart the old guitar and repaint and vamp it up. Shouldn't cost me much...
12:23 PM ~So, because there are no neck retailers in Calgary, I'll just scallop my neck. Maybe frets 12-21. I'll keep the single coil pickups for now, maybe I'll replace the bridge pickup with a Seymour Duncan Hot Rail eventually
3:49 PM ~I'm going to start dismantling the guitar soon, maybe get the paint tomorrow.
7:29 PM ~Okay, it's all taken apart. It's going to be a FrankenStrat, I've decided. Can't wait to paint!
8:40 PM ~Man, this might take longer than I thought... I think I'll make a FrankenStrat without the new pickguard or humbucker till the next year. Just painting.
9:02 PM ~Fuck, homework just hit me like a ton of bricks. I need to stop procrastinating.

September 14th, 2009
10:22 PM ~Went on a date with Anna today (6 months!), after a hectic day of school. The writing in Social Studies was intense, my hand still hurts. That girl (Alexandra) I think I'll ask her to occasionally help me with math. I want a reason to talk to her after all. I have all the materials to paint my FrankenStrat and I'll start to paint tomorrow. Going to do my homework.
11:31 PM ~Sweet so there is almost no assignments for my online English course and due dates are about 2 weeks apart, this will be cake. I might start a small painting business. Meanwhile I'm going to go do my Bio homework.

September 15th, 2009
7:57 AM ~So Anna said Alexandra might have something planned for me today, going to school now...
6:03 PM ~OMG painting is fun. So I'll say when I'm done. Alex was a bit more playful today, hitting me on the head and openly mocking me. Nothing extreme

September 18th, 2009
3:04 PM ~Last night I had a mental breakdown, I can't get Alex out of my head, I need her number.

September 24th, 2009
9:42 PM ~Haven't wrote here in a while. But Alex has made my Social class fun, I think I'll see how this plays out. Oh, Ashley Green wore short shorts today, and woo she had a perfect ass. Played ODST today its awesome, also got Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, I think I can finish it for the gaming guarantee. I might be getting sick, also I hope I get Alex soon, she likes me, I think.

September 28th, 2009
10:07 AM ~Long time writing again. Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 is almost done, hopefully my brother will get most of the rest done. I like ODST but the cracked case pisses me off, maybe I'll return it... We'll see after I play multiplayer. I'm still waiting for Social Studies, just finished a Bio exam, I think I did okay. I avoided a possible disaster by deleting the message I sent on Facebook, asking for her number. She was flirting with me a LOT on Friday, and also called me a "friend". I can't let her win. I'll write again after Social or during.

September 29th, 2009
9:14 AM ~I still don't have her number, but she will give me it, she got my message asking her for her number. I ended up creeping her Facebook for the number and now I have to avert that disaster. I either pretend my number is not my number or that I got the wrong number from the Facebook phonebook. I think I'll do the latter. Dang math notes, I'll write again in my spare period.
2:08 PM ~Now I am pretty pissed. First I lost Alex's number and didn't get it again today. Then I wanted some Skittles but the stupid machine ate my money!!! >:( . I think I'm going to visit her after school to get it, because we're working on a project. I must finish my Marvel trophies too. I'm return ODST and Marvel tomorrow.

October 2nd, 2009
9:28 AM ~I got Alex's number. It's time for some learning. First I'll ask her to dinner, and also "confess" that I like her, discretely. I'll write results of this test later. DAMN!!! I forgot my skittle money D: . Anyways, I dub this the "Shy Guy Test". Shy but not phobic or anything. I managed to get her number this way, I want to see how far I can take it.

October 6th, 2009
9:58 PM ~I haven't wrote in a long time, which could only mean that I failed. I think I scared her off, I scared her off, I was too forward without a comforting face. I know now that messaging by text is BAD and ineffective. I lost will to go to social and do well... I WISH everything would be okay.

October 7th, 2009
7:59 AM ~I've settled into symptoms of depression, I don't want to go to school, work, ANYTHING. I have a Biology test I want to skip, math and social I want to as well. I'm going to try to make depression productive. Bury myself in work. Time to plan.
10:24 AM ~I'm cold. So very cold. I'm also incredibly nervous when texting Alex... I think if I stay aloof then maybe, just MAYBE she'll like me. I hope and pray to god that I can regain everything I had, I am not nearly as focused as when Alex liked me.
12:40 PM ~Nothing is going right. I hate my life. I wish things that are good would just happen, because anytime I try it fails. I want to be with Chante, but i don't think that will ever happen. I can always hope and wish, just so it can be crushed. I'm in my spare and I'm going to stop writing for now. Dammit I suck at life, I wrote this on the WRONG page. I guess I'll tear out the last page and do something on the blank side.
2:30 PM ~Okay. The assignment I thought was going to be a homework check and rushed through, was MARKED. FUCK THIS. I missed and overlooked one question, the one worth the most. I probably no longer have a 90+ anymore. Oh, and Alex isn't even here! I want to go home...
2:31 PM ~I don't want to do this fucking social review. I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.

October 13th, 2009
10:45 PM ~Wow, I seemed stressed up there, I'm fine now, the long weekend mellowed me out and got me focused.

December 20th, 2009
5:30 PM ~It's been so long since I wrote here. As smart as you are, you probably know things haven't gotten better. I'm on winter break now trying to catch up. I was diagnosed with depression and have gotten pills for it. But, what I really want to talk about is Alex. It has gotten worse, much much worse. She won't talk to me, won't even look at me. Remember when she would come in and smile at me? She just walks right past. I'm going to text her and hope she replies. Also, I want to make myself a promise that I will write here everyday. I have to, I need to...
6:19 PM ~YES!!! Turns out she wasn't angry! I'm so happy!!

December 21st, 2009
7:38 PM ~Alex hasn't said much since but I am happier. I think I will ask her out and talk with her in person. I'm worried about this one huge assignment for Social but if I work on it everyday, I should be fine. Here goes... Wish me luck!
7:50 PM ~Oh my god am I nervous.

December 22nd, 2009
11:22 PM ~I had a dream, it was all about Alex. She may not have replied to my text but I feel like I need her in my life, I really want to hold her, feel those lips. I know I'm desperate but it's alright.

December 27th, 2009
8:31 PM ~Anna gave me a white PSPGo for Christmas. I felt loved, since I was a kid I always wanted a Gameboy for Christmas but I never got it. So that made me happy. A happiness that was clouded. I've been having dreams of Alex, I always wake up with a huge longing for her. I texted her today asking for her to listen. She seemed eager. I finally confessed I liked her, and in the past hour (which seemed like days) she hasn't responded. I hope she talks to me soon. I need it.
9:08 PM ~Okay, she replied to me. But, I'm too scared to look... What do I do?

January 5th, 2010
8:02 AM ~You should tell that it didn't go well. I felt like my heart got ripped in half. She told me she wasn't "interested" and that I'm a "cool guy", I'll figure out the meaning soon. For now, know that I've gotten better. However, I went to the doctor again yesterday and got an upped dose, and recommendation to a counselor and Psychiatrist. My depression is a huge problem now. I'm off to school in 10 minutes because Anna is picking me up. I have no idea how I'll do. I feel as if I could die... I even wanted to skip today. I'll just go and see my counselor, I also blindly hope that Alex won't be there. I've never felt like this before about her. I'm going now. Wish me luck, Godspeed.

January 8th, 2010
8:43 AM ~I have to force myself to write these in this time of depression. I know it is for the better. Alexandra ignored me in that day of class, last I spoke. That day was different, it didn't hurt me as much. I found that ever since her rejection I have been getting over her. Let it be known that she is the first girl to have rejected me. On a different note, I believe I have found hope in an old flame. Remember Anna? She's been there with me for all the shit that happened in the last year. I've realized just how much I love her. Last night was the first time I've dreamed of her since our romance began. I hope things turn out well.

January 12th, 2010
10:16 PM ~I started a blog online in the case something happens and I also want to get it out there so others can see. It's at I'll still be writing here.

~End Semester 1

Alright, now that you've reached the end I assumed that you read everything. The two common questions that comes to mind about my journal is "How are things between you and Alex?" and "What's your current relationship status?".

Well I'll start by saying that Alex and I have not spoken since and I've made a very large step in getting over her. We both have lives to live and hers just didn't cross mine. Everything happens for a reason. As for the other question, I don't mind personal questions. I'm still dating my girlfriend of 10 months, Anna. She's been with me since March '09 and since then she's proven to be a girlfriend that really fits me. I'm not at all monogamous and she understands that, so we have a fairly open relationship, however she is monogamous and doesn't want to see anyone else. I'm still at awe at finding a girl like this. As for now, she is the only girl that I like at all. I love her very much. Forever and Always.

To those that take offense to my relationship, I'm sorry I haven't been perfectly honest. I played many games and made many tests. Relationships live and die by expectations, and I expect my girlfriend to accept who I am wholly. The relationships mostly ended because the girls could not handle me seeing others. I always had your feelings in mind, and that is why I've waited till now to tell you. If it all hit you at once, you could of done something you would regret. I've learned that lesson the hard way. As for now, we'll see which path I will take and who I'll meet along. I feel as if my life is a Drama, and Season 1 just finished, another chapter of my life is ready to unfold. I usually dislike real life Drama, but in a way I love it when it happens.

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