Sunday, January 31, 2010


Basically, it is the last day before school. I wake up feeling real good, decide to eat breakfast and play some video games. Then I remember, I remember what I had to do today. Go to my Grandparent's home at 2pm, wait till 4pm then go to the airport wait for my uncle to arrive from San Diego, then go to the hospital waiting a LONG time, THEN go back to my Grandparent's home for dinner, finally going home.

Let me break it down. I HATE waiting and sitting. I sat for the 20 minute drive to my Grandparent's house. I sat in the basement play Call of Duty before having to drag myself to the car. Insert 20 minute drive to the Airport, 10 minutes to get to parking, 20 minutes of waiting for a delayed flight, then finally we left. We were going to the hospital, where my Grandmother was dying.

I obviously don't like the hospital it feels like a prison. Regardless we went to see my Grandmother. I saw my Aunt with her kids leaving, I hadn't seen them in forever, they still jumped for joy when they saw me. That made me feel pretty good. When I went to room where my Grandmother was, it was a morbid sight. The room was packed with relatives that I'd hadn't seen since I was 7. It made me think, that was the way I would like to go, surrounded by people who care.

I sat down and watched the scene play out. My uncle, the eldest son went up to her and instantly his tough demeanor disappeared. He cried and so did my mom when she saw her. It was extremely sad in the room, even all the children that might of never seen her were in tears. My brother was in tears. I have a large direct family. My Grandparents had 8 children. It was seriously ridiculously sad. I... didn't feel in the least sad. In fact the only bad emotion running through my head was how everyone was sad and I wasn't. I never got up to talk to my Grandma. She couldn't speak, couldn't breathe well, and her kidneys apparently failed. I did look her eye to eye for a long time. I... was happy, happy that she had lived her life the way she wanted it, happy of all the memories I shared with her. I didn't once look back, it was as if she was communicating to me with her eyes.

I still don't know what to think of it. I contemplated the age-old question "If someone you love asked you to pull the plug, would you?" and I realized my answer when I was there. I would of done it, my reasons I believe are valid. I know that if I was dying, I'd want it to end knowing everyone who cares was around me. Still I feel fairly bad for being the only one not having terribly sad emotions. My only regret is I never spent much time over at my Grandparents house than I did in my past. Beyond that, death is a release of life, and life is whatever you make it to be. Everything happens for a reason.

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