Crisis. It's what I have felt like for the past few weeks, even months. My head is kind of clear right now aside from a headache, so I'll try to keep it as not disturbing as I can.
I suffer from a disorder known formerly as Clinical Depression, it is a problem that over 50% of the Teenage population believe they have. That is only 50% true, while most teenagers are depressed it is due to stress-inducing aspects. Clinical Depression is different than Regular Depression because it is all Physiological. Just like a person can have a tumor or a cyst, Clinical Depression is in short, a chemical imbalance in the brain. If you have studied Physiology or Biology than you most likely know what I mean. But, I am no scientist and will not explain it to you.
I started to see a doctor, who prescribed me regular depression medication, I noticed it to help and later the doctor increased it to 20mg and I felt slightly better. I still had no energy and felt hopeless, without reason but I wasn't contemplating suicide anymore. The doses kept on increasing and I began to feel better and better, but I felt odd that the effects were smaller than I really expected it to be. I researched and it definitely was not treating me efficiently. I waited a while longer while my doctor recommended me to a Psychiatrist, a specialist of the mind. He prescribed medicine that significantly restored my energy, the first dose at 150mg raised my energy a bit, but it wasn't until yesterday I could move on to the 300mg. I feel alive, 70% of my energy has appeared to return and that makes me feel better. However the doctor decreased my depression medication, I wasn't really happy about it and noticed significant declines in my mood again.
My doctor did recommend something else for me, he suggested that I go take counselling. So we called and everything but my parents decided that "I didn't need it" which is utter bullshit. I know when people lie, and this was easily one of those times. It was because they didn't want to pay. It's always been like that, I thought it wouldn't happen when it came to my health. Well, I said whatever. I want to go become a psychologist, so I recently started to be my own counselor. So far I believe it has been working, I'm not sure if it will help since I am sick. I'm going to start keeping a record of my account here. I'll be calling it a Psych log, and it will hopefully be a good recording and insight into my mind. I am confident I can work this out, I've helped others before but nothing as big as this.
Psych Log 1 (Friday, January 29)
The patient's name is Chris, I personally call him me, myself, or I. A good doctor is not supposed to get connected to their patient, however I am extremely certain that that will be impossible to avoid. The patient, from basic analysis appears to talk to himself conversing with voices inside of his head. These voices are not anything schizophrenic and are simply a division of a complex personality. I would like to keep a very close eye on these voices as they could be the beginning of schizophrenia.
Heavier analysis and interrogation has revealed that he is clearly depressed. Nothing he has said has shown any indication of lying showing that he is seeking help. The patient tells me that he has visited doctors and has gotten medication. However, I have a suspicion that this is not as simple as Clinical Depression.
End Log 1